To find preparing 3 meals a day an absolute grind

ADHD mum of a AuDHD kid here with a Au Dad. I get it. At one point I had one veggie, one carnivore and one lactose free.

Picky plates work well, just assemble and adapt each one. I make them stand with me as I am saying "Hummus? Olives? How many crackers? Look, do you want some of this? It's xxxxxx. Yes? There's definitely no mushrooms." 😆 I apply the same principle to roast dinners, fajitas, baked potato night etc and put bowls out where I can so they can choose.

And then, for example, her carrots stay raw on the chopping board whilst I cook ours. Or she gets a spoonful of sweetcorn under her pasta to warm it up.

Am lucky that she doesn't have the aversion to wet so will eat pretty much anything liquidised... I'm still liquidising her bolognese sauce and she's 18!

I hear you OP! I’m a single parent 2 DDs, 16 & 15. And yes. It’s exhausting! Thanks be to the almighty they’re now old enough to make themselves some breakfast and lunch and at least three nights a week I don’t cook. DD1 thinks she will die if she doesn’t have three ‘meals’ a day (ASD, food OCD) and DD2 is happy with a slice of toast …it does get better, it feels a bit like when I could finally stop leaving the house with a nappy bag, change of clothes, snacks, books, everything under the sun.

Plan a menu and put it on the fridge, anyone who feels it isn't going to be for them can make other arrangements- if the children are under 10 then be a little flexible for them-otherwise if they don't like it it they can make their own meal.
Vegetanism is a lifestyle choice-if the child is old enough for a lifestyle choice they are old enough to make their own meal. Restrictive diet is something many parents struggle with, keep a good stock of the small amount of items they both eat-they can get on with it. Your husband ought to show your efforts more respect- if he doesn't like what you cook he can fend for himself.
Plan interesting meals that will be fun to cook, so you can reconnect with your love of cooking, enjoy, your family are likely to join you when they find how dull making 3 meals a day with a handful of ingredients is.

Your husband has to make half the meals? And kids if they’re over 10. Please don’t say you do everything? Why?

I am with you OP.

I have a fussy two year old who is going through a a very fussy phase and a 10 month old who I am weaning - they can't have the same food.

Also my partner doesn't like food without salt / spices added whilst cooking so I have to make three different meals...

It would be a lot easier if we could have the same things

It's definitely helped in our household for sure. You can get soup moulds off Amazon you can freeze into portion sizes, pop them out when frozen and add into a food bag. I do that with Dahl, lentil bolognese and chilli for example. Then throw a block into the saucepan to heat through. I also chop up any left over veg at the end of the week and chuck it all into one freezer bag (courgettes, peppers, onions, mushrooms etc). Then if I'm stuck on dinners, roast it and put it in a wrap with hummus.

Just because the rest of my household eat differently to me I'm not sacrificing a varied diet because of it.

Hope some of that helps.

Honestly batching is your best friend.

I'm the vegetarian, DH will eat like a vegetarian with the occasional meat and DD6/DS4 have their own likes and dislikes. On the nights with clubs DH and I end up eating later. The kids get something like a jacket potato with a filling of choice or a pitta pizza. Then DH and myself will have something I've batched at some point. I always try and batch one thing a week and it gives me a constant rotation. I usually do this on a day off or on a weekend as soon as the food shop turns up. It literally takes me 5 minutes to prepare a minimum 4 servings (so 4 meals for me). For DH I just chuck some raw meat in a bag with some vegetables for roasting. He adds his own flavourings and carb choice when he cooks it. He had the shopping rota on his phone and checks nightly to if he needs to get something out to defrost. You like to eat healthily and your DH is a PITA. You can't change your children's diets but a couple of minutes prepping 4 meals of yours to go in the freezer will massively help. Night before you just grab one bag to put in the fridge to defrost. Serve it with something simple like salad or frozen veg. Leave DH to figure himself out and then just concentrate on the kids. You can't run from all cylinders without burning out.

Edit to add that sandwiches can be frozen. Your 8 year old could definitely make his sandwiches up on a Sunday night for the week. He just needs to grab out of the freezer morning of school alongside his other bits for the lunchbox.

If I’d plated up a meal and he refused it I’d shove his face in it!

Ah, I feel your pain. My kids are teens now and I often just leave them to it so there is a murky light at the end of the tunnel.

Your 8yo could certainly be doing their own breakfast and dinner, cereal, sandwiches etc. At 8 I didn't make my kids their breakfast or dinner, just cooked tea on a night. Obviously things with your 10yo are different but maybe just slowly allowing/teaching him to pour cereal in to the bowl and then eventually he may be able to make his own breakfast.

I do agree though, I hate sorting tea every single night, I absolutely hate cooking and also have a fussy eater that will rarely have what everyone else is having.

Havibg a restrictive diet doesn’t stop them making their own breakfast and lunch

My 10 year old loves the CbBC cooking with Buddy show. There’s a book with it too. She can make fresh pasta from scratch having read his book. My previously very fussy 12 year old will make a homemade fishmonger sandwich.

highly recommend it.

I'm a mean mum. I cook a meal...you eat it or don't. If you don't there's a fruit bowl and bread. If everyone so fussy they cook once or twice a week.. breakfast and lunch everyone gets own...maybe Abit of support to get the bowl down as dd is small. Obviously if allergies id adjust and support for that .. it's only tea you need to deal with...draw up a rota and get everyone on it...you be surprised how much children love this freedom

I also try not to feed my kids UPF, OP, but as a kid I ate so, so much more UPF than your kids would eat if they had a ham sandwich once a day every day. And so did all my friends, because in the 70s and 80s parents didn't really think about it. It's not like feeding them arsenic. I would get a selection of cereals they will eat for breakfast and let them help themselves, if that's workable (my 7 year old makes her own breakfast) and then make lunch whatever's easiest, fucking health off if necessary, and then for dinner I would offer everyone a cooked meal or cereal/beans on toast/jacket potato (or whatever quick meal might work), with any fruit or veg that is easily provided without fussiness to round it out if they'll eat it.

You're doing the work. You do it in a way that works with ingredients that are manageable and suit you.

I wouldn't even include the husband in cooking. I would direct him to the fridge and the cupboard and leave him to it.

Why should she need to do this?? This g in the one planning, shopping, and cooking, then I don’t see why I should have to put myself last and put their preferences first…

The ‘just give them what you’re making and they’ll eventually eat it’ advice was given to my mother almost 50 years ago for my (as it turns out autistic) older brother. It didn’t work then either. He made it to adulthood eating 6 or 7 safe foods.

God yes. The upside of death with be not having to think about meals.

Tips? As soon as each dc is about 12, get them cooking.