To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

No no no that's not what I'm saying! I'd think they thought I look older than I was!

So you would be upset because you would feel they were assuming you were from a different social class? Why would that be so terrible? Is one class intrinsically better than another?

That's not the case at all. I'm in my late 50's and absolutely know I look it, no way do I delude myself that I look 15 years younger!

I'd still be upset if someone asked me if I was a grandmother because it's just not the norm at all where I live! Not sure why people find it so hard to understand general demographics.

Totally agree

and also why do you have to be particularly ambitious anyway. It doesn’t mean you are brain dead if you aren’t

I’m mc but couldn’t wait to be a dm in my 20s and both my dds have had babies in their 20s

love being a dgm

As @BlossomToes said, they ask all women this. I had an x-ray a few months ago and they asked if I could be pregnant, I am in my late 50s! (And like everyone else, I look my age.)

Also, there's that 'in my middle class social circle' comment again. 🙄 The snobbery on this thread is off the scale.

It is not nuts to be asked if you have grandchildren when you're in your 50s.

As I said earlier though, some people are convinced that they look 15 years younger than they do. Especially on Mumsnet.

So the reason people are offended, is because even though they are old enough to be a grandmother (and are the average age of a grandmother - according to Government statistics, around 49-50,) in their head they think they look like they're in their early 30s. Everyone else is seeing someone who looks their age though. (As everyone does - within 3-4 years.)

So even though someone of around say 49-51 thinks they look 33, everyone else is seeing someone who is around 50. No-one thinks you look 33.

People aren't asking people who are actually in their 20s and 30s if they have grandchildren are they?

This is true. You did not say anything about class. It was the other PPs. It's just the way it is on here, OP. Before lockdown there was a German woman who posted to have advice on how to look upper middle class. Oh, the bun fight that ensued!

So because I had dd when I was 26 I’m not ambitious? wtf? I was features editor at a newspaper by then and had been married for 4 years. My 3dc are amazing and loved and my career matters to me - both can be the case. I also completed a masters level pgdip last year (age 42) at a Russell Group university to further my career. Just because things don’t match your strict, unimaginative timeline doesn’t mean people aren’t ambitious. You speak like women who have dc in their 20s just sit home claiming benefits - I don’t know anyone who did this in my friendship group.

I’m replying because the preconceived notions you base judgements on are very inaccurate so maybe this will widened your views.

Having dc young means I’m spending my 40s having a great social life and hanging with teenagers and/or my friends, going on holidays, last minute trips etc. it’s great 😊

But how would you know they were a grandparent? Because surely giving your own reaction and thinking it’s rude to ask, the people your age would also act like you and not ask other people if they are grandparents? How big is your workplace? I certainly don’t know who even has kids at my place, never mind grandchildren.

I wouldn't dream of asking a new acquaintance such a personal question. If people want you to know, they will volunteer the information.

💯 or “do you have any kids at uni yourself?”

Agree. But that’s the middle class snobbery mindset. I suspect a lot of them making such comments are “aspiring middle class” and probably post what makes you middle class on MN to get some ideas of how to act or what to buy. Would be interesting to know what education they have, in terms of degree and “professional” job… doubt they’d have to balls to comment.

Also people who say “oh have I touched a nerve?” are generally arseholes in RL but wouldn’t dream about behaving in RL the way they do here.

Your maths are a bit off there, she’s early 30’s with kids in nursery !
I was late 20’s having mine and they’ll be more like 21 by 49 not late 20’s which is a big difference! Where are you getting that from ?
Also by the colleagues assumption as a woman in her early 30’s she could also be a grandparent in her late 30’s if she maybe has older dcs..

Yup. It’s a generic system (the one my trust uses) which isn’t specific to each every individual procedure or the patient.

This is what I don’t understand.

That and the complete disdain for anyone who isn’t a “professional”. Who cuts their hair? Provides their childcare? Serves them at the supermarket (if they brave going in person that is)?! Installs their new bathroom? Packs and delivers their online orders? They’re all people we need so why are only people with degrees and professional ambitions worthy of any respect? As a professional with degrees I cannot understand this mentality at all.

Of course none of this has anything to do with the actual OP but what a strange lot of responses about the kind of unambitious undesirables who have children in their twenties and can’t possibly be respectable professionals.

Yes, it’s what they do. The question is on the list so they ask it. I’m resigned to it being asked for the rest of my life.

After they performed a hysterectomy the previous day?

Yes, it is. Clinical worker here, bloody ridiculous but it’s for documentation incase anyone was and something happened. But at 64 🙄

Ah. I work for NHS, clinical role and yes we do have to ask but it’s normally for “age bearing women” horrible phrase I know. Common sense does not often prevail even more so if it was for post menopausal bleeding 🙄 but yes we have to tick it off our records and not assume.

I think the “could you be pregnant?” question is something they have to ask every female patient post puberty and they usually know it’s completely ridiculous when someone is clearly past childbearing age.

Lol I got asked to give a urine sample to test for pregnancy while I was still in hospital after having a hysterectomy. Beyond ridiculous. Obviously people just don't think

Contrary to some posters, I don’t think it’s common at all to be a grandparent in your late 40s. Possible yes, but not common. Many of the women I know in their mid/late 40s still have DC in primary school.

OP I do think it was a bit rude of your colleague but I wouldn’t worry about it. She probably wasn’t really thinking, I’ve done this before when making small talk (not this exact thing but asking stupid questions because I wasn’t concentrating!) It doesn’t mean you look older than you are, don’t get a complex!

if we’re being technical then colleague could also have grandchildren - flip it on its head and ask her about hers!