To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

Maybe where you live they are but not where I live. That’s my point. It’s annoying people criticising older mums when a lot of the time it’s outside our control. I’m not criticising younger mums, I can see the advantage but it’s just not possible for everyone.

All your post tells me is you don't know many people lots of people in their 20s are married have a mortgage and are well established in their career and in a position to choose to have children

Well I live in Ireland and it certainly wouldn’t be “ancient” to have a baby at 32. In fact the average is almost 32 for a first time mum never mind a fifth. the crappy housing situation here i would imagine is somewhat to blame.
https://www.irishtimes.com/ireland/2022/06/02/average-age-of-first-time-mothers-rises-to-almost-32-years-cso/

All of my circle were in college at 22. That’s great that you had stability at 22 to start trying I certainly didn’t.

@K0OLA1D @BIossomtoes thats why I said “for some of us” at the bottom of my post. In my circle no men wanted them. In fact I had my first at 33 and that was unusual in my circle. Most of my husbands friends and their partners waited until late 30s until having their first. I have plenty of friends who had kids in their 20s (all unplanned for their first at least) and can totally see advantage to being a parent at that age but it couldn’t have worked for me at that age even if I had wanted one.

We are unusual too. Started ttc when I was 22 and dh was 25.

It's the other way round where I live. I felt ancient having my 5th baby at 32 and I was the oldest mum on the maternity ward. There were 2 mums in their late twenties with upper primary school aged dc who were having a 3rd baby with their new partner. The rest were teenagers, including one whose mum was only a couple of years older than me. When I drop my youngest off at primary school I am one of the oldest mum's at the school gate aged 43. There is one mum who is 50 but I think I am 2nd oldest.

I know plenty. My brother, DP, some of his friends, my friends DPs. My neighbour, the house across the street, some of my mums friends DC. People I work with. In the case of the ones I'm closest with, all planned. You make is sound like it's unheard of.

My stepsons must be very unusual then, both of them had children in their 20s.

I know absolutely zero men who wanted kids in their 20s. They all wanted to party and travel. Everyone I know who had a kid in their 20s it was “unplanned”. You can’t just decide to have a kid in your 20s it involves meeting a partner who wants the same thing (unless you go it alone with a sperm donor).
I couldn’t have a kid in my 20s with the rental market so unstable where I live plus not having a partner who was ready for kids.
it’s not as simple as just deciding to have one for some of us.

It worrying they say they are an NHS clinician. I wonder about the level of seniority/training, given their communication style and ‘knowledge’.

Totally agree. This poster obviously has some sort of chip on their shoulder to be making such nasty comments.

Agreed.

How long did that take you to write? 🤣Literally haven’t read any of this.i scrolled straight to the bottom. Far too long and using too much energy to read some drivel I don’t care about.

I think this is the least intelligent, and most immature and dismissive comment on this thread. Very childish indeed.

I have to say, I do not ask people if they have children. They may have fertility issues or other problems in life and I don’t want to upset people.

I have a rule that I will never mention anything to do with people’s fertility or weight, unless they actively invite opinions. I would also not ask somebody if they were a grandparent for the same reason.

I feel like a teen mum with my friends as I had my first baby age 30. All my friends and colleagues did not have children until their mid to late 30s. None of them are grandparents so far and we are in our early 50s.

Having said that, I am 52 and would not be remotely offended if somebody asked me if I was a grandmother. Maybe I am secure with my appearance or don’t care. Who knows. I would most likely laugh if asked, and say goodness I hope not as my kids are at university!

I have to say, I would be astounded if my children and their friends had kids in their 20s as they have so many plans, none of which involve settling down. But who knows what life holds; it can be v unpredictable.

I agree with this. It’s such a childish rejoinder.

Why didnt she ask if you have kids ?

odd choice of question . Clumsily worded

Also in my world asking anyone if they have kids or grandkids is a big no, wait for people to bring this stuff up as asking can put them in an uncomfortable position

Biologically it's possible le to have a child at even 14 but it's not that common.
Also a woman, who had her own kids at late 20s, asking op if her 16 year old and 18 year old have children is quite strange.

This is very dependent on where you live and your social circles. I am about to turn 50 and don’t know anyone my age who is a grandparent. Most have junior school age kids or don’t have kids at all. No one has ever asked if I have a grandchild and, not going to lie, I would be very upset and offended if someone did even though I know it can be normal

I meant career wise as my focus eas on op's situation who seems to be a professional.

All women don't have to have same ambitions. It's perfectly alright to not want to have a career or raising your family being your purpose. But my implication was op is not that, so her colleague seems to be thoughtless to her. As many of you were being rude to her.

I think my comment about family of unambitious women offended you. I did npt mean in harsh ways. There is nothing wrong in being non ambitious. But my assumption was op is in a professional job and her colleague clearly was being rude or at least thoughtless to jump to grandchildren when she didnt even ask about her children.
Most women who had kids early either theu wanted soon, or it was because of circumstances. If it was due to circumstances and she indeed is a career woman, she would instill that value in her children. So for 2 generations to have such early children in current times, when there are far more options to build career unlike 30 or even 20 years ago, either it is a coincidence or most likely that they do not place value in finishing education, training first before planning a child. Sorry if I sound judgemental but I also dont think it's appropriate for you to imply I am not a good person when you know nothing about me, when most people have judged others at some point or the other. If anything I was being supportive to op who felt she was made to feel older.

Yes all sort of combinations are possible. You can even be a great grandmother by that age. I mention female child becaue statistically women are younger than men when they have first child. Of course op's son at 18 may already have a child by now.

But I think if we put things in context this whole thread is because op felt her colleguw implied she looks old enough to be a grandmother. And she arrived at this conclusion because colleague didn't ask anything about her children. Now op is at an age where some women are grandmother's, some are not. If she was 60, perhaps she would have not felt strongly about the comment. Another poster has commented on me be being certain kind of person based on my post. I just don't understand why so many posters here take things personally and lack empathy to keep the focus on the person who has posted here as she is feeling bad.
Of course you can also be a career woman/ man after having kids before 20s but it is much more harder once you have additional responsibility and that's why statistics matter.

I doubt they think you’re boring, they probably think you’re normal and like talking about loved ones. It’s an easy conversation starter. Seems it’s true that with age grows cynicism 😜