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Original poster

To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

610 replies

Liesmorelies · 31/05/2025 20:38

I was talking to a colleague last week and she suddenly asked if I had grandchildren. I think she already knew I had children but not their ages - I don't know her well and we weren't discussing our children at the time.

It really took me aback and, I admit, offended me a bit. I'm 49 and have been told a few times I look younger. Not because I'm so attractive (I'm not!) but my skin is pretty good and no grey hair and, while I'm quite insecure about my looks, looking older than I am is not among them. Or wasn't. It is now.

I know you can have gc at 49 but it's quite unusual and no one where I work who is the same age as me has gc- all have dc around the same age as mine (late teens).

If someone was clearly in their 40s/50s but I wasn't sure of their age I just wouldn't ask it unless I knew for a fact they had adult dc, just like I wouldn't ask if someone was pregnant just because their figure suggested they might be!

It also makes me worry that she was being a bit snide, which is also an upsetting thought.

OP posts:
K0OLA1D · 31/05/2025 21:47

Ah right. So you're not allowed to call out cuntish comments on mn anymore. Noted 🙄

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 31/05/2025 21:46

As a pp said, it is NOT unusual at all for someone of 49 to have grandchildren. Far rarer for someone to become a first time parent at 45 like some Mumsnetters would have you believe!

The birth rate among women in their 40s has been higher than for teenagers for years now. The average age of a first time mother in the UK is 31. So it isn't really that average to be a grandmother at 49.

shrunkenhead · 31/05/2025 21:45

I think it's unusual in this day and age when women are having babies later in life eg 30+ but teenage pregnancies happened in the 80s/90s so not too far a stretch of the imagination. Depends what circles you mix in really. I'm late 40s, my friends are early 50s we all have teenage children and would be horrified to become grandmother's any time soon!

FuckityFux · 31/05/2025 21:45

You’re being a bit silly. I have a teenage DS and a 13yr old grandson. 🤷🏻‍♀️

K0OLA1D · 31/05/2025 21:45

Wishingplenty · 31/05/2025 21:41

It really isn't unless your from a rough area!

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God. As long as I didn't live next door to any of the snobby twats on here I wouldn't care if the area was classed as 'rough'

isawrainbowbridge · 31/05/2025 21:45

You’re being ridiculously over sensitive. She was making conversation. It’s a perfectly normal and acceptable question to ask someone of your age.

MaisieMouse87 · 31/05/2025 21:44

Just because you've got good skin and no grey hair doesn't mean you're not old enough to be a grandmother. I've just turned 38 and my eldest is 21 so that makes me old enough to be a grandmother. People assume I'm a few years younger than my age when they first meet me too. It's not an insult.

Shadow999 · 31/05/2025 21:44

Omg.

I'm 51. With a 14 year old and a 9 year old
My best friend (52) has 2 kids, both in their 30s, and her eldest grandchild is older than my eldest.

I think we're at both edges of 'normal'. Most are somewhere in between.

But at the same time, I think asking people under 50 are they grandparents, is a bit much...

MidoriNoRingo · 31/05/2025 21:44

Completely normal to be a grandparent in your 40’s in my circle. My parents and most of their friends were grandparents by 45

BIossomtoes · 31/05/2025 21:43

Wishingplenty · 31/05/2025 21:41

It really isn't unless your from a rough area!

Show quote history

Jesus, the fucking snobbery on this thread!

Snoodley · 31/05/2025 21:43

I'd think it was pretty rude!

I'm 43 and have DC who is 4. The thought that someone might mistake me for her gran is 😳

firsttimemom99x · 31/05/2025 21:43

My mom was 40 when I had my baby! I don’t think 49 is an unusual age at all, I’d say it’s around average?

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 21:42

Oh dear. 😬 This forum is full of people who are in their 40s and 50s, and think they look 15 years younger! You may look fine @Liesmorelies but you do look your age ... Around 50. Everyone looks their age (within 4-5 years,) when you look at them properly. Many people of 49-50 are grandparents. It's not that offensive to ask if you are one!

Reminds me of a woman I know who is 39 and she has a boyfriend who is 23. She looks 40-42 and he looks 19. So he legit looks like her son. She was FUMING the other week when a new work colleague thought she was his mum! Well don't date someone who's 16 years younger (and looks 22 years younger) then!

Upshot is, she genuinely thought she looked like she was in her late 20s. She doesn't. She looks early 40s.

People are deluded about what age they look. Loads of people think they look way younger than they do!

As a pp said, it is NOT unusual at all for someone of 49 to have grandchildren. Far rarer for someone to become a first time parent at 45 like some Mumsnetters would have you believe!

.

K0OLA1D · 31/05/2025 21:42

shrunkenhead · 31/05/2025 21:38

I'm in my late 40s and I'd be horrified if anyone assumed me to be a grandmother! My daughter is only 16!

Horrified? What an odd reaction to a perfectly plausible situation. When I'm 49 my eldest will be 28

Ifitistobesaid · 31/05/2025 21:42

Becoming a grandmother at 49 would be very unusual these days! I’m 42 and most of my friends are still popping out babies. Think there were 5 this year alone.

GreenOtter · 31/05/2025 21:41

I had someone ask my if my baby was my first and I didn’t know how to answer that because of a miscarriage prior to DC.

I think people ask all sorts of things sometimes and it is ok to change the subject or be vague and excuse yourself.

Wishingplenty · 31/05/2025 21:41

pimplebum · 31/05/2025 21:10

you are being uber sensitive
she is just making conversation of course she isn’t snide
asking if you are pregnant is v rude as it suggests you have a big belly and it very personal question , having grandchildren is nothing of the sort ! Most people don’t do maths before chit chatting , maybe she knows a few young grannies ?
thats raging insecurity

It really isn't unless your from a rough area!

Katemax82 · 31/05/2025 21:40

My husbands mum and his ex were both grandma's at 41@

BIossomtoes · 31/05/2025 21:40

I had a 28 year old son when I was 49 and could easily have been a granny.

elliejjtiny · 31/05/2025 21:40

Kuretake · 31/05/2025 21:28

I think this must be quite area dependent. At 49 I'll have a 13 year old and I was the youngest mum in my NCT group.

Probably. It's common where I live to start having children at 17/18/19 and have 4-6 children in total, often with big age gaps. I'm 43 and lots of the girls I went to school with have grandchildren. But lots have toddlers and a few have both!

LittleWhiteFlowers · 31/05/2025 21:39

Squirrelblanket · 31/05/2025 21:31

I'm stunned that people think it would be normal for someone in their 40s too have grandchildren. It's really showing what kind of background you come from if that's normal. 😂

Stunned? Do get over yourself dear.

NetZeroZealot · 31/05/2025 21:39

I know very few women who became grandparents in their 40s - very unusual in this day and age.

K0OLA1D · 31/05/2025 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

shrunkenhead · 31/05/2025 21:38

I'm in my late 40s and I'd be horrified if anyone assumed me to be a grandmother! My daughter is only 16!

JillyGiraffe · 31/05/2025 21:37

Liesmorelies · 31/05/2025 20:38

I was talking to a colleague last week and she suddenly asked if I had grandchildren. I think she already knew I had children but not their ages - I don't know her well and we weren't discussing our children at the time.

It really took me aback and, I admit, offended me a bit. I'm 49 and have been told a few times I look younger. Not because I'm so attractive (I'm not!) but my skin is pretty good and no grey hair and, while I'm quite insecure about my looks, looking older than I am is not among them. Or wasn't. It is now.

I know you can have gc at 49 but it's quite unusual and no one where I work who is the same age as me has gc- all have dc around the same age as mine (late teens).

If someone was clearly in their 40s/50s but I wasn't sure of their age I just wouldn't ask it unless I knew for a fact they had adult dc, just like I wouldn't ask if someone was pregnant just because their figure suggested they might be!

It also makes me worry that she was being a bit snide, which is also an upsetting thought.

I wouldn’t ask someone if they had grandchildren for the same reason I wouldn’t ask someone if they had children. I know it’s a common topic of conversation but speaking from experience, I found it difficult whenever someone asked me if I had children after having numerous miscarriages. My mum would have been sad if someone had asked her about grandchildren before our rainbow babies arrived.

OP, I don’t think she was being snide.

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