To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

None of my friends were grandparents at 49, I think that’s really young.
I understand op. An ex work colleague, who was renowned for being blunt, asked me if I had grandchildren once and I was taken aback. I didn’t have grandchildren.
None of my other work colleagues have ever asked that.
Some people aren’t very tactful.

My mam had me at 25, married, v comfortable upbringing (own house, 2 cars, abroad hols every year). I had my DS at 25 by accident, unmarried and v skint (rented flat, one car, camping hols). Mam looks amazing for her age, at 50 she easily looked much younger. She was a loud and proud grandma.
However, I'm now 35 and I have friends having their first baby now.
Families come in all shapes and sizes. I don't think any of it is offensive.

Definitely depends on your demographic.

Never met anyone who was a grandma at 49 apart from a gardener in the village. Her daughter who isn't yet 30 has 4 DC from 3 different fathers , make of that what you will ...

Where did I voice that opinion?
Your claim was it was irresponsible to have a child post 35.
Thats a hell of a leap to the assertion we should all wait to 48 to reproduce.

I do think that’s young to have grandkids these days. I’m 49 and me and my peers have school aged kids .. of course that’s not representative of society but think any of us would be shocked at the grandkids question! It’s a bit of an odd question unless the asker knows the dc are fully grown up and settled. It’s not the first thing you’d ask, is it?

I wouldn’t be offended but I’d think the person had poor social skills to have somehow deduced your dc were adult.

But still an increased chance? Yes, so I’m right. My opinion though isn’t it. Sure plenty of people think the same.

To paraphrase an old fashioned joke: grandparents are like vegans they always let you know..!
Generally being a proud granny or grandad comes up within the first 20 seconds.

You honestly think it’s fair to have a child in your late 40s? Say 48. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Menopause is there for a reason.

I don’t think it’s the same as asking if you’re pregnant at all.

But that does sound very odd of your colleague. You’re younger than me and no one has ever asked if I have grandchildren, even though technically I could be if you didn’t know the age of DD. Agree that it’s not the norm, at least not in my world.

I remember someone asking that when my kids were 6 and 8 and I was 39! I was a bit surprised (and it hurt my ego totally) but in the end thought it was probably a conversational thing. I guess some people are grandmothers at 39.

But teen pregnancy and having children in your 20s are two different things. I’m not talking about teen pregnancy, never mentioned teen pregnancy. I don’t recall any comments about teen pregnancy either. The comments were about women in their 20s having children.

My mum became a grandparent at 49 and thought this was late, most of her friends had grandchildren already.

Most of my friends parents had them in their very early 20s, most people I know now with young kids had them in their mid 20s.

I’m sure it varies depending on where people are from though.

A child at 18 is different to a grandchild at 49. A grandchild at 49 would suggest having a child around 24/25 and them also having a child around 24/25. If you were chatting to a group of 25 year olds it would absolutely be ok to ask them if they had kids.

Mumsnet really is like a parallel universe sometimes.

I became a grandmother in my early 40s and I'm from a very respectable background thank you very much

They wouldn’t care if you asked. That’s the difference between people in their 30s and people in late 40s, who are old enough to be grandparents.

That’s a matter of opinion. So calling someone a bitch isn’t sticking the boot in?

Your point is what? It’s a bitchy thing to say.

Not sure if you have a good reading comprehension, I thought middle class people were suppose to be educated, my mistake. I said it increases the chances of risk. And yes I know what I’m talking about, as someone that has two degrees in health related subjects. See, there are some people that do get out the housing estate and go to uni.

Loads of people have grandchildren at 49. My friend (same age as me) had 5 grandkids at 49 (as her kids were 21-27) whereas my own children were only 13 & 14.

My nanna was a grandma at 43 and my own mum became a grandma at 49

I don’t need your superior attitude other.
I don’t argue with science, prenatal testing is available to ensure risks are minimal, who are you to condemn other’s life choices?

People just love to stick the boot in don’t they.

So it seems. Wasn’t it you who called the woman who asked “a bitch”?

I don’t know what the stats are today but I was surprised to learn ( about 25 years ago ) that there were over 2000 grandmothers aged 28 in the UK .

Well of course there are group trends, which individual experiences may or may not reflect. Like how every teen mother on MN went on to have both a PhD and her first million by 30, but in reality the statistics are very, very clear that having children young is a major predictor of lifelong poverty and of worse educational outcomes for both the mother and her children.

You've missed the point. It depends very much where you live. In the OP's circle, nobody has grandchildren at 49. I myself have only seen 49 year old grandmothers on TV.

It's true that the woman asking the question was just making conversation.

Okay then well seeing as there are grans in their mid to late 30s I will start asking women that age that I meet if they have any grandkids because after all what does it matter if it’s common?
People just love to stick the boot in don’t they. How very dare the OP think she’s a bit young to be a grandmother. Let’s put her in her place.