To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

I’m just saying that I can understand why the op felt insulted. No need to read so deeply into it. I wouldn’t ask someone if they were a parent or a grandparent. That’s just how I feel. It’s not something I think about all the time I’m just making conversation on this thread. Everyone is different . You can’t seem to grasp that.
furthermore I thought that if you have grand kids you are either a granny or a grandad but perhaps I’m incorrect

what is wrong is that you are taking everything personally, and you have a lot of feelings about innocent subject.

Asking people if they have children is normal. They are not asking you if you WANT them, if you are trying, if you like kids, if you hate kids, they don't even care. It's small talk. No one is asking for your life story if you don't want to share it.

If nothing else, much better to ask and if the answer is no, to stay well away from talking or mentioning about your own kids. And I say that as someone who had an angel baby.

You are also the one translating "have you got grand-kids" as "are you a granny". At worst, it's an odd question. I can't' imagine being anything other than puzzled if anyone asked me - and biologically I absolutely could be one, but offended?

Yes I think it really depends on where you live. I am an empty-nester at 52 and my same-aged friends have kids aged 13. Makes me feel grown-up ;-)

I almost slipped up and would of really offended someone once. I had my first child at 16 and when they were about 5 they made friends with another 5 year old at the park. I was 100% sure he was with his grandma, she looked three times my age. Thank god I heard her son call her mum before I asked her about her grandchild

I never ask people if they have children. I allow it to arise naturally in the conversation. I know at least two women who had stillbirths or some women can't have kids. It's no big deal that I don't know if someone is a mother/grandmother. There are other topics of conversation.

i didn’t say having kids in your 20s is bad I said I can see the advantages but it’s not possible for everyone due to circumstances. I don’t know why you feel so triggered by that. And I’m not 47 I’m not even 40 yet.

Sorry but I feel how I feel. Just because you feel different to me doesn’t mean there is something wrong with me and I am projecting. Just google granny stock photo.. and you will see what society’s image of a granny is. No one should feel insulted by being told they look older but unfortunately that’s the way our society is, especially for women.

As someone who has had a horrible late miscarriage among other issues I just wouldn’t dream of asking someone if they have kids, I wait for it to come up in conversation naturally.

Just reflecting on my terrible life choices and wishing I'd been like you

Asking if people have children is like talking about the weather, it's such a non-issue. Must people be offended about everything?

It's not that deep, it just bring different subjects to the conversation.

Because the word “granny” conjures up an image of a really old person with grey hair knitting beside the fire for me
and that's you projecting, it has nothing to do with the person you are actually talking to.

Maybe the OP does give granny vibes, and talks about hobbies and interests that are more "granny" than she thought

You are ignorant. It is entirely possible to have all kinds of differernt approaches even to professional life. I know women who chose to have kids first before beginning to work in a profession - this actually a very effective strategy if someone is in a secure relationship at the right age.

Equally, I know people who chose to have children while at the same time getting their professional qualifications and starting their career.

In the end though, none of it matters to the OPs question.

It does not matter if it's less common now, in her circles, have have a grandchild at 49.

It doesn't matter that many women at 49 may have youngish kids (and that has always been the case btw even when many would also have been grandparents.)

That does not make it an "offensive" question.

It doesn't suggest she looks older than her age, so that isn't offensive.

It doesn't suggest she is unambitious - again, not offensive.

It doesn't suggest her kids are skanky and lack care about contraception. So not offensive.

All it suggests is that the person she is speaking to is aware she is 49 and knows a fair number of people may have grandkids at that age.

So what exactly is "offensive" supposed to mean here?

Because the word “granny” conjures up an image of a really old person with grey hair knitting beside the fire for me. Not a fit healthy person in their 30s, even though I’m aware plenty of grannies would meet this profile. Perhaps I shouldn’t be sensitive but I can see where the op is coming from.
anyway its pretty rude, I wouldn’t ask someone if they have children either but that’s just me.

but I would certainly be insulted to be asked if I was a granny at that age

but why?

Why would you even care? "hope not, my kid is only 7yo" works well as an answer.

Erm ok. I don’t know why you felt the need to post that.

This happened to a friend of mine, she was pregnant at the same time as her mum. And her mum became a granny at 36! I know it does happen but I would certainly be insulted to be asked if I was a granny at that age

Sorry for over simplifying it, it's because I'm thick as shit as I had kids in my 20s and Jayden,kayden and okayden are distracting me while I type this and pissing about with their mcdonals instead of just eating it and I'm stressed because iv got my appointment with the social later and my council house is a shit tip and my 3rd baby dad isn't helping at all as he went out this morning to sell some gear and hasn't come back yet. I'm pretty sure he's shagging channtelle next door as her 7th kid looks just like him. I just wish I'd waited until I was 47 to have my first kid then none of this would of happened.

meh, my kids schools would be half empty if women didn't have babies in their late 30s early 40s.

Having kids late is not news, women just used to have MORE kids.

Others have kids at 18 and are grand-parents at 40.

It only becomes weird when you have a last child late, when your first child has their own early, and you end up with a newborn child AND a newborn grand-child at the same time 😂

I don't understand why people think this is ok. I don't think it is. Why didn't she ask about your children?

I have read all your posts, but it's still the same.

You ARE old enough to be a grand-parent. Yes, it's not that common, half the 10yo kids around me have 50 yo parents 😂but you are being ridiculous to be "offended".
Other 50 yo have grand-children, because their own kids had them young. So what.

You look your age, big deal. Nowadays, some women are completely grey at 30, and others not a single one at 80, naturally or not! It means nothing.

It's nothing remotely similar of asking about being currently pregnant, it's like asking if you have kids at best. Then people will ask how old the kids are - they don't actually care, it's making polite conversation.

t also makes me worry that she was being a bit snide
you need to work on yourself if you take the wrong end of the stick every-time you have a conversation.

You said why are we trying to “normalise “ it and then bringing kids with disabilities into it as well. It’s not that people are trying to normalise it. There are numerous factors to play that contribute to people having kids later. Your comment is so flippant and an over simplification of the situation.

I haven't criticised older mums i just stated the fact that fertility goes down with age and risk goes up that isn't a criticism that's stating a fact.

Yep I understand perfectly thanks. Just saying it’s by no means “ancient “ to have a baby at 32 here which this article backs up.

Yet you think it’s ok to criticise older mums and make disgusting comments about it here. Yes i can tell you are really a person of the world, open to all kinds of people and experiences lol.

Do you understand what average means and how you get an average 🤔

Where did I write everyone. I know a lot of people who all have very different lives. I don't just surround myself with people exactly the same as me and then assume that's normal and nobody else's life could possibly be any different

@feelingbleh i am sure absolutely everyone you know who had kids in their 20s were married with well established careers and mortgages …