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Original poster

To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

610 replies

Liesmorelies · 31/05/2025 20:38

I was talking to a colleague last week and she suddenly asked if I had grandchildren. I think she already knew I had children but not their ages - I don't know her well and we weren't discussing our children at the time.

It really took me aback and, I admit, offended me a bit. I'm 49 and have been told a few times I look younger. Not because I'm so attractive (I'm not!) but my skin is pretty good and no grey hair and, while I'm quite insecure about my looks, looking older than I am is not among them. Or wasn't. It is now.

I know you can have gc at 49 but it's quite unusual and no one where I work who is the same age as me has gc- all have dc around the same age as mine (late teens).

If someone was clearly in their 40s/50s but I wasn't sure of their age I just wouldn't ask it unless I knew for a fact they had adult dc, just like I wouldn't ask if someone was pregnant just because their figure suggested they might be!

It also makes me worry that she was being a bit snide, which is also an upsetting thought.

OP posts:
OhNameHgcaher · 31/05/2025 23:14

Liesmorelies · 31/05/2025 23:12

I did say in the OP that they are in late teens - in fact, they're 16 and 18.

People are spectacularly missing the point by endlessly talking about people who became gps in their 40s. I'm not stupid and said in the OP I'm well aware I am biologically old enough to be a grandparent. But it's not the norm and, leaving aside derails about class, it is undoubtedly something that is associated with the later stages of life when thinking about it casually. For that reason, I think it's pretty rude to ask someone if they're a GP when you don't know the age of their dc and don't know how old they are precisely. The more people say, 'Oh but my next door neighbour's aunty's cousin's dog trainer became a grandmother at 29,' the more I'm convinced I'm right that she was rude to say it.

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Clearly your just really butt hurt she thinks you look haggard. Get over it

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 23:12

Iceandfire92 · 31/05/2025 22:58

Where on earth are all of these grandparents in their 40's? I've never met anyone under late 50's who was a grandparent. In my area, having a first baby in early 40's is incredibly common. I would assume a woman in her 40's with a baby/child was the Mum rather than the Grandma. I would assume that either the Mum or the Grandma or both had their babies at a ridiculously young age.

Edited

In the rough estates, didn’t you know?

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 31/05/2025 23:12

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 22:54

@Liesmorelies op you didn’t say how old your children are by the way.

I did say in the OP that they are in late teens - in fact, they're 16 and 18.

People are spectacularly missing the point by endlessly talking about people who became gps in their 40s. I'm not stupid and said in the OP I'm well aware I am biologically old enough to be a grandparent. But it's not the norm and, leaving aside derails about class, it is undoubtedly something that is associated with the later stages of life when thinking about it casually. For that reason, I think it's pretty rude to ask someone if they're a GP when you don't know the age of their dc and don't know how old they are precisely. The more people say, 'Oh but my next door neighbour's aunty's cousin's dog trainer became a grandmother at 29,' the more I'm convinced I'm right that she was rude to say it.

OP posts:
legoplaybook · 31/05/2025 23:11

BeliesBelief · 31/05/2025 23:09

In your social circle. Not the OP’s.

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Even in the OP's social circle, it doesn't mean teenage pregnancies.

Illegally18 · 31/05/2025 23:11

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 23:06

Babes I haven’t 😂You need to read that again 🤫

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Pfff

Edenmum2 · 31/05/2025 23:11

Iceandfire92 · 31/05/2025 22:58

Where on earth are all of these grandparents in their 40's? I've never met anyone under late 50's who was a grandparent. In my area, having a first baby in early 40's is incredibly common. I would assume a woman in her 40's with a baby/child was the Mum rather than the Grandma. I would assume that either the Mum or the Grandma or both had their babies at a ridiculously young age.

Edited

My SIL was a GP at 38 and she now has 5 at 49. Lots of teenage pregnancies in our town, lots and lots of young grandmothers. OP you need to relax a little about your age. As you know - people can have grandkids from 35-80 or whatever. When asking someone if they have grandkids im
not automatically thinking ‘they look old’

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 23:10

Steamirin · 31/05/2025 22:50

Definitely depends on your demographic.

Never met anyone who was a grandma at 49 apart from a gardener in the village. Her daughter who isn't yet 30 has 4 DC from 3 different fathers , make of that what you will ...

So this is your village, where you live? Interesting 🤔

legoplaybook · 31/05/2025 23:10

Iceandfire92 · 31/05/2025 22:58

Where on earth are all of these grandparents in their 40's? I've never met anyone under late 50's who was a grandparent. In my area, having a first baby in early 40's is incredibly common. I would assume a woman in her 40's with a baby/child was the Mum rather than the Grandma. I would assume that either the Mum or the Grandma or both had their babies at a ridiculously young age.

Edited

Having babies in your mid 20s isn't 'ridiculously young' - you're a fully grown adult then, you could be a doctor or a police officer or a teacher.

BeliesBelief · 31/05/2025 23:09

legoplaybook · 31/05/2025 23:08

Being a grandparent by 50 doesn't mean your family is full of teenage pregnancies!

My mum and nan were grandmothers by 48 and they both had their children aged 23-24.
By the time I'm 48 I'll have a 24 year old and 22 year old so quite reasonable to be a grandparent.

In your social circle. Not the OP’s.

legoplaybook · 31/05/2025 23:08

Being a grandparent by 50 doesn't mean your family is full of teenage pregnancies!

My mum and nan were grandmothers by 48 and they both had their children aged 23-24.
By the time I'm 48 I'll have a 24 year old and 22 year old so quite reasonable to be a grandparent.

BeliesBelief · 31/05/2025 23:07

TheNightSurgeon · 31/05/2025 21:09

It really isn't unusual to be a grandparent in your late 40s at all.

It really is unusual in certain social circles - and it sounds like this is the case for OP.

In my social circle, no one has had kids before their mid to late thirties, and thus people in their late forties are parents of tweens and early teens, certainly not grandparents.

LemondrizzleShark · 31/05/2025 23:07

OhNameHgcaher · 31/05/2025 23:03

I don't understand how people don't know a range of women of different ages becoming mums and grandma's 😅

I have friends who have had babies from 17 to friends having babies at 34. Some of their parents became grandparents in their early 40's, others became grandparents in their 50's and 60.

One of my friends is 42 with a 26, 11, 5 year olds. Another friend is 33 with a 17 year old. Another is 34 with a newborn. Another is 37 with a 20 year old.

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Right - DS’s best friend is 8, and has an uncle aged 4. His nan had 6 kids over 30-odd years (starting as a teenager, last one in her 40s), and then his mum had him in her mid 20s.

MyNamedoesntWork · 31/05/2025 23:07

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 23:04

Didn’t use the word irresponsible. I said it was much safer to have children under 35. 35, as this is the age risk factor and age given to older women who are pregnant. I didn’t just make that number up, this age is used within the NHS to determine if there will be risks. I said waiting until you’re late 30s increases the chance of risk, which it does. So all fact. I said it was selfish to have kids later, yes, that’s my opinion.

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I suggest you ensure you don’t have a child post 35 and leave everyone else to live their life as they see fit.

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 23:06

Illegally18 · 31/05/2025 22:54

You have missed the point again . In the Op's circle...... and I didn't mention council estates.

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Babes I haven’t 😂You need to read that again 🤫

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 23:04

MyNamedoesntWork · 31/05/2025 22:49

Where did I voice that opinion?
Your claim was it was irresponsible to have a child post 35.
Thats a hell of a leap to the assertion we should all wait to 48 to reproduce.

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Didn’t use the word irresponsible. I said it was much safer to have children under 35. 35, as this is the age risk factor and age given to older women who are pregnant. I didn’t just make that number up, this age is used within the NHS to determine if there will be risks. I said waiting until you’re late 30s increases the chance of risk, which it does. So all fact. I said it was selfish to have kids later, yes, that’s my opinion.

OhNameHgcaher · 31/05/2025 23:03

Iceandfire92 · 31/05/2025 22:58

Where on earth are all of these grandparents in their 40's? I've never met anyone under late 50's who was a grandparent. In my area, having a first baby in early 40's is incredibly common. I would assume a woman in her 40's with a baby/child was the Mum rather than the Grandma. I would assume that either the Mum or the Grandma or both had their babies at a ridiculously young age.

Edited

I don't understand how people don't know a range of women of different ages becoming mums and grandma's 😅

I have friends who have had babies from 17 to friends having babies at 34. Some of their parents became grandparents in their early 40's, others became grandparents in their 50's and 60.

One of my friends is 42 with a 26, 11, 5 year olds. Another friend is 33 with a 17 year old. Another is 34 with a newborn. Another is 37 with a 20 year old.

Steamirin · 31/05/2025 23:03

OhNameHgcaher · 31/05/2025 22:57

You sound lovely

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I'm not saying it's a good thing that most people I know have had dc in their 30/40's, it's just how it is. Demographics make a difference, they just do

LemondrizzleShark · 31/05/2025 23:00

I got asked if DS1 was my grandson when I was 34! I was obviously looking haggard that day.

Daffodilsarefading · 31/05/2025 22:58

I don’t ask people if they have children either.
It is rude and you have no idea what they might be going through. I’m sure they will let you know if they do have children if they want to tell you.

Iceandfire92 · 31/05/2025 22:58

Where on earth are all of these grandparents in their 40's? I've never met anyone under late 50's who was a grandparent. In my area, having a first baby in early 40's is incredibly common. I would assume a woman in her 40's with a baby/child was the Mum rather than the Grandma. I would assume that either the Mum or the Grandma or both had their babies at a ridiculously young age.

OhNameHgcaher · 31/05/2025 22:57

Steamirin · 31/05/2025 22:50

Definitely depends on your demographic.

Never met anyone who was a grandma at 49 apart from a gardener in the village. Her daughter who isn't yet 30 has 4 DC from 3 different fathers , make of that what you will ...

You sound lovely

hazelowens · 31/05/2025 22:55

My ex husband at age 45 got asked if our 3 kids were his grandkids. They were 8, 5 and 2. I was 14 yrs younger than him and somehow assumed I was his oldest son's girlfriend/wife. He had 2 older sons 22 and 15, he was not happy but I was them think I could get a younger man.😀

Illegally18 · 31/05/2025 22:54

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 22:52

I didn’t miss the point. As you can see from the comments not all people who had children in their 20s are from a rough council estate or still live there now. Did op say how old her kids were?

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You have missed the point again . In the Op's circle...... and I didn't mention council estates.

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 22:54

@Liesmorelies op you didn’t say how old your children are by the way.

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 22:52

Illegally18 · 31/05/2025 22:23

You've missed the point. It depends very much where you live. In the OP's circle, nobody has grandchildren at 49. I myself have only seen 49 year old grandmothers on TV.

It's true that the woman asking the question was just making conversation.

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I didn’t miss the point. As you can see from the comments not all people who had children in their 20s are from a rough council estate or still live there now. Did op say how old her kids were?