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Original poster

To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

610 replies

Liesmorelies · 31/05/2025 20:38

I was talking to a colleague last week and she suddenly asked if I had grandchildren. I think she already knew I had children but not their ages - I don't know her well and we weren't discussing our children at the time.

It really took me aback and, I admit, offended me a bit. I'm 49 and have been told a few times I look younger. Not because I'm so attractive (I'm not!) but my skin is pretty good and no grey hair and, while I'm quite insecure about my looks, looking older than I am is not among them. Or wasn't. It is now.

I know you can have gc at 49 but it's quite unusual and no one where I work who is the same age as me has gc- all have dc around the same age as mine (late teens).

If someone was clearly in their 40s/50s but I wasn't sure of their age I just wouldn't ask it unless I knew for a fact they had adult dc, just like I wouldn't ask if someone was pregnant just because their figure suggested they might be!

It also makes me worry that she was being a bit snide, which is also an upsetting thought.

OP posts:
MiracleCures · 31/05/2025 23:35

Tbrh · 31/05/2025 23:32

Its not about career, it's about travel, having fun, personal growth and having experiences before being bogged down with responsibilities. After school and uni, you only have a few years so actually 'live' your life and enjoy it.

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What, I didn't realise life stops when we have children! What a strange way to live. I have had a blast travelling with mine. We've been all over the place. I've also found parenthood a lot of fun, and my "personal growth" didn't stop either.

Sounds like some people see life ending with parenthood. Fascinating.

BIossomtoes · 31/05/2025 23:35

MiracleCures · 31/05/2025 23:33

Plus I found employers were happy to promote me, even working part time, because they could see how driven and mature I was, and they knew I had the maternity leave years out of the way before I was going into the kind of senior role where cover is very tricky to find

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Exactly that.

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 23:34

Tbrh · 31/05/2025 23:25

Tbf, under 25 is quite unlikely these days, unless you have no aspirations or future prospects

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What’s your job?

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 23:34

Tbrh · 31/05/2025 23:25

Tbf, under 25 is quite unlikely these days, unless you have no aspirations or future prospects

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Oh for goodness sake! 🙄

BIossomtoes · 31/05/2025 23:33

Tbrh · 31/05/2025 23:32

Its not about career, it's about travel, having fun, personal growth and having experiences before being bogged down with responsibilities. After school and uni, you only have a few years so actually 'live' your life and enjoy it.

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You can do all those things in your 30s, 40s, 50s. I know. I’ve done it.

MiracleCures · 31/05/2025 23:33

BIossomtoes · 31/05/2025 23:28

Or prefer to have children first and establish a career afterwards. Which is sometimes quite sensible, you can leapfrog over other women the same age as you who are bogged down in mat leave and child care.

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Plus I found employers were happy to promote me, even working part time, because they could see how driven and mature I was, and they knew I had the maternity leave years out of the way before I was going into the kind of senior role where cover is very tricky to find

Tbrh · 31/05/2025 23:32

BIossomtoes · 31/05/2025 23:28

Or prefer to have children first and establish a career afterwards. Which is sometimes quite sensible, you can leapfrog over other women the same age as you who are bogged down in mat leave and child care.

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Its not about career, it's about travel, having fun, personal growth and having experiences before being bogged down with responsibilities. After school and uni, you only have a few years so actually 'live' your life and enjoy it.

MiracleCures · 31/05/2025 23:32

Tbrh · 31/05/2025 23:25

Tbf, under 25 is quite unlikely these days, unless you have no aspirations or future prospects

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What a bizarrely ignorant comment. Biologically it makes more sense to have children first tbh. I worked part time after having my son young and still managed to climb the career ladder swiftly. So did many of my friends.
I think possibly because we all obtained very good degrees first but it certainly wasn't a lack of ambition that made us have children young, more a recognition that biologically it's a more sensible time to do so. (And, I guess, most of us had parents who helped us buy our first homes, but that isn't that unusual)

BIossomtoes · 31/05/2025 23:28

Tbrh · 31/05/2025 23:25

Tbf, under 25 is quite unlikely these days, unless you have no aspirations or future prospects

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Or prefer to have children first and establish a career afterwards. Which is sometimes quite sensible, you can leapfrog over other women the same age as you who are bogged down in mat leave and child care.

legoplaybook · 31/05/2025 23:28

Tbrh · 31/05/2025 23:25

Tbf, under 25 is quite unlikely these days, unless you have no aspirations or future prospects

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What a strange thing to say.

MiracleCures · 31/05/2025 23:27

Squirrelblanket · 31/05/2025 21:31

I'm stunned that people think it would be normal for someone in their 40s too have grandchildren. It's really showing what kind of background you come from if that's normal. 😂

And what background would that be? Asking as a highly educated and solidly upper middle class professional whose family have been upper middle class professionals for generations - my mum had me at 22 and I had my oldest son at 27.

I expect I am from a much wealthier background than many of the women who have to put off having children till their early 40s if that's what you mean?

PauliesWalnuts · 31/05/2025 23:27

I would never ask that question. I am childless and I struggle when people ask if I have children. I never even thought I’d have to deal with people asking me if I have grandchildren too (I’m 52). I always wait for the other person to bring up the topic (or not).

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 23:27

OhNameHgcaher · 31/05/2025 23:17

I think she just wants to be offended tbh. The nroe she writes the more vain she sounds

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Well she said people always tell her how young she looks… people also lie.

legoplaybook · 31/05/2025 23:26

BeliesBelief · 31/05/2025 23:20

So? What have teenage pregnancies got to do with any of this?

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The horror expressed that only awful lower class families with rough backgrounds could have grandparents in their late 40s - when actually tens of thousands of women in their 20s have babies every year.
It's not shocking or an implied insult to think someone of grandparent age could have grandchildren.

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 23:25

Liesmorelies · 31/05/2025 23:12

I did say in the OP that they are in late teens - in fact, they're 16 and 18.

People are spectacularly missing the point by endlessly talking about people who became gps in their 40s. I'm not stupid and said in the OP I'm well aware I am biologically old enough to be a grandparent. But it's not the norm and, leaving aside derails about class, it is undoubtedly something that is associated with the later stages of life when thinking about it casually. For that reason, I think it's pretty rude to ask someone if they're a GP when you don't know the age of their dc and don't know how old they are precisely. The more people say, 'Oh but my next door neighbour's aunty's cousin's dog trainer became a grandmother at 29,' the more I'm convinced I'm right that she was rude to say it.

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Well 16 and 18 aren’t young kids. The eldest is an adult and so yes they could both have children at this point and you could be a grandmother which you know. But it seems very irrational to have such a reaction to such a harmless comment. It seems you have a complex about your age and think that grandparents are associated with old age. Hence you think she thought you were old. End of. Move on.

Tbrh · 31/05/2025 23:25

legoplaybook · 31/05/2025 23:10

Having babies in your mid 20s isn't 'ridiculously young' - you're a fully grown adult then, you could be a doctor or a police officer or a teacher.

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Tbf, under 25 is quite unlikely these days, unless you have no aspirations or future prospects

Orangebadger · 31/05/2025 23:25

I think it’s natural to be upset tbh as you are assuming she thought you were older than you are. That’s the offense. I was asked age 45 if I was retiring soon once!! I too generally either look my age or younger! People say some odd things some times!

As for being a GG at 49, yep it does happen but it’s really not very common anymore. Most GG around here are usually in their mid 60’s up.

Cara707 · 31/05/2025 23:24

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 21:03

She wasn’t being snide. She was making conversation. You’re being sensitive here. Very common to ask a woman in her late 40s if she’s a grandmother. The majority of women in my family all became grandmothers in their 40s. It’s not a big deal.

This totally depends on region/area and socioeconomic status. There are definitely places where people are more likely to be pregnant or have young kids at 40 than be a grandma!

hazelowens · 31/05/2025 23:23

My mum was a granny at 47, she had me at 24 and I had my eldest at 23. She didn't have my sister till she was 31 and she didn't have her first till she was 29.

BeliesBelief · 31/05/2025 23:20

legoplaybook · 31/05/2025 23:11

Even in the OP's social circle, it doesn't mean teenage pregnancies.

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So? What have teenage pregnancies got to do with any of this?

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 23:18

legoplaybook · 31/05/2025 23:08

Being a grandparent by 50 doesn't mean your family is full of teenage pregnancies!

My mum and nan were grandmothers by 48 and they both had their children aged 23-24.
By the time I'm 48 I'll have a 24 year old and 22 year old so quite reasonable to be a grandparent.

A lot of ignorant people can’t seem to grasp this 😬

OhNameHgcaher · 31/05/2025 23:17

BIossomtoes · 31/05/2025 23:15

it is undoubtedly something that is associated with the later stages of life when thinking about it casually.

But it’s not and you have an entire thread of responses from women who have or who could easily have been a grandparent at 49 disproving your theory.

I think she just wants to be offended tbh. The nroe she writes the more vain she sounds

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 23:17

MyNamedoesntWork · 31/05/2025 23:07

I suggest you ensure you don’t have a child post 35 and leave everyone else to live their life as they see fit.

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Of course I wouldn’t. I’ve just told you the risks, isn’t that what we were discussing?

BIossomtoes · 31/05/2025 23:15

it is undoubtedly something that is associated with the later stages of life when thinking about it casually.

But it’s not and you have an entire thread of responses from women who have or who could easily have been a grandparent at 49 disproving your theory.

Catinthereallysmallhat · 31/05/2025 23:14

OhNameHgcaher · 31/05/2025 23:03

I don't understand how people don't know a range of women of different ages becoming mums and grandma's 😅

I have friends who have had babies from 17 to friends having babies at 34. Some of their parents became grandparents in their early 40's, others became grandparents in their 50's and 60.

One of my friends is 42 with a 26, 11, 5 year olds. Another friend is 33 with a 17 year old. Another is 34 with a newborn. Another is 37 with a 20 year old.

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Very sheltered life I would guess, if they haven’t met anyone who has a different life to them.

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