To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

This. There's pros and cons to each. I had my children when I was 21, 23 and 24. My sister has had her first at 34.

I'm glad I had mine young in terms of energy and time with them. But I didn't really start maturing until I was around 29. I wasn't as financially well off as I am now either.

My sister is older with a newborn and she has had a fantastic life and has built a nice life to raise her baby in. But she's knackered now and she's going to be 50 with a 16 year old and I'll be 50 with a 26 year old 😅

Except it really would be unusual for someone at 35 to be a grandmother, it would involve at least one teen pregnancy. It would be an odd thing to ask. The only reason to be offended though would be if someone was assuming there were teen pregnancies for no reason, or mistaking the age of the person, thinking they were a good deal older.

The OP however is at a totally reasonable age to be a grandmother, even if it is less common than it used to be, and even if some have young kids at that age. (In the past people often had young kids, and were also grandmothers, at 49.)

So why would the OP be offended?

I suspect the real reason is because she's uncomfortable with the fact tat she is old enough to be a grandmother. But she is, and there isn't anything wrong with being 49.

So where is it offensive? Does she think they are implying she is a chav? Because that would be more offensive than the question by a lot.

If you were young enough that the only way you could be a grandmother would be if you and/or your child became parents as teenagers, I could understand potentially being offended. But that’s not the situation here. You could easily have grandchildren if, say, you’d had a baby at 23 and that child became a parent at 24. Those are normal adult ages.

Of course it's normal. Having children in your 20s is completely normal

As do you 🤭

I am so confused by the classist comments on this thread. We are not taking about teenage pregnancies. Having kids in your 20s is perfectly reasonable. There are loads of benefits to having kids younger - a massive one being that you likely get more time with them and they’re more likely to know their grandparents. In fact I know lots of young children now who likely will have lasting memories of their great grandparents and I think that’s pretty cool.

There are benefits to waiting too of course - on a personal level I’m glad I waited until my 30s as I am more financially stable and more mature. That’s because I was a bit of a mess in my 20s - some people grow up quicker than I did.

I wish I’d been ready to have kids in my 20s. I changed career only a few years ago so if I’d had my head screwed on from the start and was ready to settle down, I could easily have been in a good position to have kids 10 years earlier.

I am dreading losing my mum one day. Now I’m an adult and have my own child, I value family relationships more than ever and I wish I had all the time in the world with them.

I don’t judge people having kids later either but it can’t be unreasonable to say that each generation having kids 40 years apart instead of 20 does make a big difference in that way. There are other factors that might outweigh sheer number of years spent together, but some people are definitely ready for kids in their 20s so why wait?

1 in 5 sounds like quite a lot to me? And half of women have had a baby by 30. Having a baby in your 20s isn't really unlikely.

I wouldn’t ask anyone at that age! People in their late forties can have kids who are starting their own families or can have kids starting primary school! Far too wide a range at that age to be asking like it’s “normal” to be a grandparent. In my circle it’s definitely unusual, people I work with and am friends with average a first baby from 32-36.

My mum had a degree by 21 then was a SAHM with children then got another degree in her early thirties, followed by a professional career and in her 40s a masters degree and more career success. She was a granny twice by 50. She's very upper middle class. All her children are successful professionals with degrees too

(Not that people are somehow lesser if they don't have degrees, but clearly some people cannot compute that having children young isn't a blocker to professional success)

My mum had a degree by 21 then was a SAHM with children then got another degree in her early thirties, followed by a professional career and in her 40s a masters degree and more career success. She was a granny twice by 50. She's very upper middle class. All her children are successful professionals with degrees too

(Not that people are somehow lesser if they don't have degrees, but clearly some people cannot compute that having children young isn't a blocker to professional success)

Exactly

I had my first at 20 and I have 2 degrees 🕺🏿

Actually it might surprise you to know that she's very critical of her daughter's life choices, stop making massive assumptions.

You sound absolutely delightful and extremely ageist....

It is a bit odd to ask if someone has grandchildren when you don't know what age their children are. I might ask if you had said your kids were in their 20s but apart from that, no I wouldn't ask someone if they had grandchildren. I think i would be slightly annoyed if someone asked me that and didn't know how old my kids were

By twenty five I had packed in heaps of travel though? (And two degrees and a variety of interesting jobs!). And since then I had a whole heap of new adventures travelling with the children. And I made new friends who were parents of all different ages (as well as having friends back home who were parents). A handful of women at baby groups clearly assumed I was some sort of teen mum and were snooty (I did have very good skin and never needed makeup so looked v young for my age)! I enjoyed the look on their faces when a friend eventually let slip what my job was

Stereotyping people by age is stupid and reductive and to be honest suggests a lack of travelling widely and a distinct lack of personal growth.

Rude to us grannies. Horrified indeed!

Yup.

Unfortunately, someone trying to make conversation asked me whether I had grandchildren just after my dad had died. I tried not to, but found myself crying.

Yeah this one generally ends badly on here but bluntly professional women with degrees ain’t becoming grandparents in their forties as they may well only become mothers in their early thirties. There’s always a bunch of people post to say being a granny at about 42 is entirely standard but it’s really not.

travel is quite different as an example.

It certainly is, you’ve got the money to do it in comfort.

No I think you’re a judgemental old woman from the comments you made about her daughter, what relevance is it that she has four kids to however many dads.

Agree that biologically it would be much better to have kids early, and then they are grown while you are still relatively young. I do think out of the two options though, most of the fun stuff isn't the same when you're older, travel is quite different as an example. It would also depend on your circle of friends of course and where you live, I can see it would be more appealing if everyone else around you were having kids too.

I'd be horrified too! 49 seems young to be a grandparent.

Exactly, we were all grown up by the time my parents were in their early 50s. They were young enough when we were growing up to do all sorts of adventures with us (skiing, surfing, sailing, climbing mountains, climbing trees) and young enough to enjoy decades of travel and adventure (including more skiing and surfing etc) once we were all grown up.

Not everyone produces children and then lives some small tiny life with no more adventure, personal growth or career growth.

You think I never leave, or socialise with anyone else? I'm nearly 60, I know a fair few people and no, not a single grandma at 49 apart from the lady I mentioned before

I'm not making any judgement on the prospects etc side, but only 20% of women now have a baby before they're 25, so it is true that it's fairly, though a long way from vanishingly, unlikely.