To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

But surely you understand having a child at 47 isn't the norm

And 49 according to AI. The ONS figure doesn’t include grandparents living in the same household.

I think this was absolutely rude of her to ask, I am a couple years younger than you and I would be horrified if someone asked me this. It would feel like quite a watershed moment. I would never ask this unless someone was looking about 70. Even then I probably wouldn’t in case it was a difficult subject for them. There is plenty of other things to small talk about.

op you will just have to think she must have weird boundaries in conversation . I do remember when I was 22 and had recently graduated. Someone asked me “how long ago did you graduate? If that isn’t too rude a thing to ask” and when I said “actually just last year “ she looked shocked and said “oh , I’m sorry I thought you were a bit older than that”. I was like wtf? It was so strange as she was only a couple years younger than me and was implying she assumed I was 40 or something. It really knocked my confidence. But I also have had many people think I look young for my age too , so not really sure what happened there

Ok so travel then Why does it have to be in your 20s. I've been doing loads of travel in the last 8 years and I'm 53. Spend roughly 3 months a year abroad. Had mortgage paid off and kids grown. Appreciate it far more than many in their 20s who travel to sit on internet for all day and drink all night. Friend of mine sold her business and travels permanently ( she's Nan with a backpack on yotube)

I'm surprised anyone has kids if it's considered your life is basically over when you have them

I don’t like being asked but it’s absolutely nothing to do with age, I’m 55 so could easily be a GP. My DC are in their 30s and neither want DC of their own, which I’m 100% fine with. But there’s an implication now that they should have had DC (or at least want them) and that I must be sad they haven’t had them, that something has gone “wrong” in their lives. I then feel I have to “justify” their decisions.

Usually when I say “no” to the question, I’ll get something back like “oh there’s still time”. Just accept the no! I’m not sitting here yearning for GC.

My work colleagues were extremely shocked when I told them I was eligible for a Covid vaccine after it opened up to 39-year-olds! 😂

I'm another who was married, a homeowner, had done post grad studying, travelling and had a good job by 27yo, at which point it seemed like a good idea for us to start a family. And then we took them travelling with us.

My eldest is doing his A-levels - I don't think I'll be a grandmother for some time yet but I don't think it's a mark of a life well spent to drag your feet into motherhood.

What is your source? That’s ancient data.

It is rude. Maybe she was just making conversation but I would have said “No! My kids havent even left home yet!” Or something to that effect to let her know it was offensive.

It's 63 according to the ONS.

Lots of people on this thread are convinced they ‘don’t look their age ‘ . To ourselves we generally don’t . People can be fit and attractive at any age but we are very good at knowing what age a person is as there are so many ‘tells ‘ which we subconsciously read .

If you have them young you do those things after they grow up.

If your work colleague is early 30s with a reception-aged child - say she’s 33 with a 4-year-old.
By the time she’s your age, her child will be 20 - does she expect to become a granny when her child is 20?

I had twins at 47 and no one has asked if I’m their granny yet!
My mum was early 40s having me, and once when she was about 50 and helping at a fair in my primary school, someone asked her “oh, do you have grandchildren attending this school too?” She still remembers it over 40 years later!

I'm quite happy to agree that neither is wrong. Each to their own. But if people are delaying starting a family purely because "noone in my social circle" would have a baby yet (even though they are otherwise ready and want to) then that is a really sad reason to gamble with fertility

I had all those things by 27, and had done heaps of travelling. I appreciate that might not be the case for someone in their twenties now, but I am in my early 40s now and it was perfectly possible if people wanted it.

I also have lots of friends who have bought their first home/climbed the career ladder after having children

The average age of becoming a grandparent in the UK is 49, according to government stats. If you are surrounded by people with infant school children at 49 and you think 49 is an outlandish age to be a grandparent, then you are in a bubble.

But many people want to do this kind of stuff without the encumbrance of children in the mix. Neither is wrong.

My 20s were coming to terms with my disability and realising if I didn't have kids I wouldn't have kids.

I'm 35 and have a career where I am earning over average for the area. Own home. Dp is the same with his own business to boot. All while trying to live my life as normally as I can with a debilitating disease.

Travel has always and will always be at the bottom of my list of wants and needs.

I was 21 and 23 when I had my boys. Making my mum a GP at 48.

But people aren't putting off having children because it's the "middle-class thing to do"...

It's because they want to be settled in life with careers, marriage and houses, which all takes time. It's incredibly difficult to do any of that after having DC. And tbh, society would be in a much better position if more people did wait for those things to be in place!

Totally agree, but it's a different kind of fun. I wouldn't have taken the risks I did or travel to some of the places I have if I was with DC. Great that you have had lots of fun travelling with your DC, I'm hoping to do that soon too.

For all those saying it's somehow a stealth brag to not know anyone who became a GC in their 40s... That might be so, but it's also quite common considering the average age now to have a first child is 29 and has been increasing steadily for the past few years.

She isn’t that young with children in nursery if she’s in her 30’s according to her barometer though, you should definitely ask if she has older kids starting uni too as she could easily in her early 30’s as this thread has shown . She could just have a big age gap 🤷‍♀️

Do you only ever "move in" a very narrow social circle? How dull. I have friends from every walk of life.

I think as the average age of becoming a first time mother has increased to 29/30, it's more unusual than not.

I was pretty much in the middle of my friendship group having DC and when I'm 49, my DC will be 16 and 14, which is pretty average.

I don't think it's quite the same as asking someone if they're pregnant, and I probably won't be offended, but I think I will find it pretty amusing and wonder if the person is quite sane if they ask me if I have GC in seven years time! (Also don't currently look like I'm in my 40s).