To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

That is just your point of view though.

None of those are remotely comparable to asking if you have grandchildren though.

I don't know anyone like that because they only live in shit holes and I don't.

Noone said what you wrote.

Really these individuals old enough to be grandmas should know better.

How agiest!

By your stretch of imagination, we can assume you think that the moment a woman turns 40, she is in the grandmother bracket. The right age for having kids is early 20s.
How cruel for those who struggled with fertitility.

I am going to ask admins to delete this thread. Posters are being very insensitive not only to young mothers but also to those who struggled with fertility or those who couldn't have children to be told you are old enough to be grandmothers. Like a woman has no other identity.

The comments about mother's in their twenties are bad enough god knows what they think of teen mum's. Really these individuals old enough to be grandmas should know better than to say these nasty things about mother's half their age just minding their own business raising their children. Talking about no ambition, low class, "I don't know anyone like that because they only live in shit holes and I don't". Just pure spitefulness.

You are ignorant. It is entirely possible to have all kinds of differernt approaches even to professional life. I know women who chose to have kids first before beginning to work in a profession - this actually a very effective strategy if someone is in a secure relationship at the right age.

Equally, I know people who chose to have children while at the same time getting their professional qualifications and starting their career.

In the end though, none of it matters to the OPs question.

It does not matter if it's less common now, in her circles, have have a grandchild at 49.

It doesn't matter that many women at 49 may have youngish kids (and that has always been the case btw even when many would also have been grandparents.)

That does not make it an "offensive" question.

It doesn't suggest she looks older than her age, so that isn't offensive.

It doesn't suggest she is unambitious - again, not offensive.

It doesn't suggest her kids are skanky and lack care about contraception. So not offensive.

All it suggests is that the person she is speaking to is aware she is 49 and knows a fair number of people may have grandkids at that age.

So what exactly is "offensive" supposed to mean here?

But teen pregnancy and having children in your 20s are two different things. I’m not talking about teen pregnancy, never mentioned teen pregnancy. I don’t recall any comments about teen pregnancy either. The comments were about women in their 20s having children.

You literally said anyone in their 20s having kids is an unplanned pregnancy. You also said a granny to you is a really old person sitting by the fire knitting

Wow Ive been reading the thread backwards so haven't seen this yet but how rude 😔 why do they do this and always act like it's ok even though they wouldn't dare do it about any other group of people. If they think that about mums in their 20s you can only begin to imagine what they think about mums in their 10s.

I never said that. You are actually imagining things. Maybe that’s your own perception of younger mums but it’s certainly not mine.

You said everyone having kids in their 20s is an unplanned pregnancy and aren't ready. Just because you're taking longer to settle down and get established in life does not mean children born to adult women in their 20s are an accident. You seem to have this perception of groups of people that all grandma's are little old ladies with grey hair who like to knit and that all 20 something year olds that are having children are chavs living on council estates

Yes, some people HAVE been 'nasty quickly' for no reason. The attacks on young mums have been dreadful.

As @MiracleCures said

The whole first chunk of this thread was people saying that younger (under 30s) mums were reckless/socially deviant/unambitious/small minded/uneducated.

A whole raft of posts came in calling women who had their first child in their 20s, uneducated, from rough areas, and lower class, amongst many other things. Basically saying if they have a baby - some even said under 35 - that they will have no career, no life, no opportunities, and they will never get to travel etc etc etc....

THOSE insults were thrown first - at younger first-time mums. I have not seen any insults towards older first-time mums. Maybe I missed the 'nasty' comments towards older mums. I haven't seen any. I have seen a LOT of barbed and nasty comments towards younger mums though!

no one is criticising you either. I don’t know why you felt the need to send me a barrage of insults about young mums when I never said any of that stuff . You shouldn’t take things so personally.

No one is criticising you, you're just taking it to personally

I know. That’s why I said “for some of us” . I’m not speaking for all the men everyone knows. I just find it really smug when young mums criticise older ones for waiting when it’s not always our decision to control.

I know. That’s why I said “for some of us” . I’m not speaking for all the men everyone knows. I just find it really smug when young mums criticise older ones for waiting when it’s not always our decision to control.

I know. That’s why I said “for some of us” . I’m not speaking for all the men everyone knows. I just find it really smug when young mums criticise older ones for waiting when it’s not always our decision to control.

Speak for the only men you know, I'm in my twenties now and me and my man had our first child in our 10s. My brother's are in their twenties and also want kids. It's more common than you think just got to get out there meeting people

I know absolutely zero men who wanted kids in their 20s. They all wanted to party and travel. Everyone I know who had a kid in their 20s it was “unplanned”. You can’t just decide to have a kid in your 20s it involves meeting a partner who wants the same thing (unless you go it alone with a sperm donor).
I couldn’t have a kid in my 20s with the rental market so unstable where I live plus not having a partner who was ready for kids.
it’s not as simple as just deciding to have one for some of us.

You seem bothered

You are saying “it must be exhausting to be so bothered” I’m neither exhausted nor bothered. I simply don’t do it myself. And yes society’s image of a granny of course contributes to people feeling insulted when asked if they are one in middle age. Even though we all know it’s biologically possible we aren’t thick. I don’t get why you are annoyed by me saying that I’m not making any personal remarks against you in saying so.

I am not making assumptions, I am just replying to your posts!

You are the ones talking about how "you feel" and "society's images of a granny".

It doesn’t where I work. People don’t ask out right. It always comes up naturally in conversation anyway. I’m not bothered , I just don’t do it. Please stop making assumptions about me. Thanks.

I grasp that you have feelings, my point is that's it's such a common small talk topic, it's weird to take it personally. Again, it's like talking about the weather.

As it's a question that comes back pretty much everytime you meet someone and speak about anything else than strictly work subject, it's strange to be bothered about it - it must be exhausting.

It's like being asked "what do you do". Unless the last one is asked in a strict work environment, then you have problem 😂

I’m just saying that I can understand why the op felt insulted. No need to read so deeply into it. I wouldn’t ask someone if they were a parent or a grandparent. That’s just how I feel. It’s not something I think about all the time I’m just making conversation on this thread. Everyone is different . You can’t seem to grasp that.
furthermore I thought that if you have grand kids you are either a granny or a grandad but perhaps I’m incorrect