To invite some children but not others to wedding?

I honestly wouldn’t bat an eyelid. We’ve been invited to a wedding in July, we know they will have their own children there and their nieces and nephews, but our children are not invited. Same reason - numbers too high, cost implications. We’ve managed to get childcare organised but if we hadn’t, DP would have gone along on his own and I genuinely wouldn’t have been offended at all. It’s a lot of money!

you can't control how people react but I think your cut off is fair

@Toadstool101

Maybe, but it's your wedding & your money (£80 per child is a LOT!!)

obviously your children are completely different!!

The others might be a little bit controversial (do the overseas ones not have family here who could have babysat?). I can see why you've invited the bridesmaids kids, but I think this will cause the most 'disharmony' but really people just need to accept that them getting a babysitter doesn't in any way compare to you paying £80 per child!! Though I doubt many of them would know/assume that's your venues rate as it's very high.

it might post to drop it into conversations before the big day that you'd have loved to have been able to invite everyone's children, but had to restrict it to a handful of necessary invites due to their being 36 children at £80 per head...

As a guest I would have totally understood the financial cost of 36 children (even at a much more reasonable price per child) AND the 'soft play' aspect! Even though I live big family weddings with kids!

I hope you have a fantastic day & try not to worry about this too much 😘

Elope?

With such an insanely huge number you are definitely not being unreasonable- it’d be like a zoo!!!!! (And I have 4 kids!)

If it was close family I'd be upset but when my kids were kids I was invited to weddings without them where close family children were there and it seemed perfectly reasonable to me.

I love going to weddings without my DS 🤣

TBH unless it was a sibling's wedding I'd much rather go without my children anyway!

Take the lesson from Mumsnet: no matter what you do for your wedding someone will whine because it isn’t tailored to their exact specifications.

Shrug, say fuck it, and just let them get on with it.

It wouldn’t annoy me, and I would understand if it was immediate family or wedding party.

However, as a general rule, we don’t attend weddings that our children aren’t welcome at. So, I wouldn’t be attending the wedding.

A solid reason would be it’s £80 per child and there are 36 of them? Of course no one is going to think it’s unreasonable for only family children and wedding party kids to be invited.

Anyway, you've already made the decision, and I assume the invitations have gone out? Just go with it.

Fuck what other people want. You’re paying for it. People will moan regardless if what happens. Let them moan at least you won’t have wasted money on the kids. Parents should understand that their children are not entitled to be invited to everything. The quicker they learn this the better.

Zero issues and anyone that does is a bit precious.

I had a child free wedding except for my nieces who were bridesmaids.

Since having kids I’ve happily attended totally child free and close family/wedding party children (so not mine). Also had to decline one as we had no childcare but there was no drama.

You really don’t need to explain yourself but the rationale is reasonable!

I'm just going to echo pp- £80 for each child?!
What on earth are they serving?
How much per head is it for the adults?

We invited the children of close family, so nephews and nieces and younger cousins, a couple of little babies came and children of friends who had travelled from abroad.

We didn’t invite children of friends or colleagues.

One set of my DH’s friends assumed their DC were invited despite them not being in the invite and he wouldn’t tell them not to bring them!!

Don’t worry about it. You’ve put a good restriction in. 36 kids would be ridiculous and would completely take over the whole day. It would be chaos, and you’d need a lot of extra entertainment for that many children as well as the insane £80 per child charge.
People will either be happy to have a day away from their children, or they can decline the invitation.

I wouldn't be at all bothered OP. I'd never expect my kids to be invited to a wedding and wouldn't blink twice if the kids you mentioned were there and mine were at home. Of all the weddings I've been to, I don't think there's ever really been any children outwith immediate family or wedding party. Don't worry about your decision. It sounds like you've given it thought and have good reason for it so just enjoy your day.

Expect some people to be upset. It could lead to a lop sided acceptable list. I went to a wedding where 6 men turned up without their partners because none of their children were invited. The bride and groom had to invite 6 other people at short notice or waste the cost per person.

I think it makes sense - people from abroad won’t be able to get babysitters as they won’t know anyone, babies need to be with mother for bm, and often exceptions are made for bridal party. Some people will be annoyed because you can’t please everyone, but honestly if you invite them all, someone else will be annoyed that they didn’t get an invite or they’ll be annoyed about the kids around. You can’t please everyone and you’re making a pretty logical decision. Have a lovely wedding!

We've been to weddings without our children where there have been other children there - I just assumed they were close family or friends children. I have 5 children so personally I wouldn't be offended if they weren't invited to a friend's or extended family weddings. I would just invite who you want and if people get the hump that's really their problem. You can't go through life bending over backwards trying not to offend anyone. Some people get offended very easily!

I think it’s absolutely fine to have whoever you want at your wedding. I have been to many weddings over the years without the dc, and it’s not bothered me to see other children (of family and the bridal party etc) there. In fact I’ve sometimes been very grateful to have a day/night just us with no kids to take care of!

We did similar for our wedding (20
+years ago) because there would have been 12+ toddlers if we had included them with all their parents. our kids were young and lots of our friends were in the same stage of life, kids-wise.

as it was, we had 4 - ours and our niece and nephews.

a few people did decline the invitation, probably because their children weren’t invited. Many came and got childcare.

i wouldn’t have done it any differently - the reception would have been like a crèche!

I genuinely cannot remember giving this any headspace when I got married 25+ years ago .
Two were bridesmaids children ,a couple of babies and a few more children at evening reception.
I know bestmanhad a baby but I cannot remember if the baby came .

I don't see a problem so long as you don't mind people declining the invitation.

You're accommodating the kids of adults you really want to be there.

Anyone who gets a 'no kids' invite knows the score, hopefully - they are the B list, welcome but non-essential, so can cheerfully accept or decline depending on whether they fancy it or not.

When xh & I were deep in the Nappy Valley decade, kid free invites just meant that whichever of us was closest to the bride/groom/both attended solo, unless it was a local do & easy to sort a babysitter.

Or, if whichever of us would be the one to attend just didn't fancy it, a polite refusal & a nice card would be sent.

But yeah...some people do love to see their arse over wedding invitations, so you will probably upset a few. Can't be helped! Idiots gonna idiot.