To want to accept that sadly I look older than my age

I think there are different ways of looking old- some people look older because that’s the natural
shape of their face (just as some people have baby faces and always look like they’re 14 even if a very wrinkly 14yo)- look at Katherine Hepburn. Always beautiful but she also always looked older than she actually was IMO. Id put things like grey hair and wrinkles into this category as well- they make you look older but they don’t make you look worse.

Other kinds of looking older I think are more troubling- where you look older because you don’t look your best. Being overweight, unfit and unhealthy, tired skin, poor posture etc. make you look both older and worse.

My aim is to avoid/address all the category 2 things and accept all the category 1 things.

I also think worrying about how old you look can reflect a feeling of your life not being as you’d hoped for the age you are Don’t know whether that is relevant for you.

Hmm. Do you really or do you just look as most 50 somethings would if they didn’t have procedures?

The pressure to look forever young now is nuts.

You need to work on your confidence rather than what you look like.

It doesn't matter what you look like. It's the personality that people fall in love with.

You could have the most "perfect" looking person but if they're a total bore then people won't want to know.

Just focus on being you.

Don't dismiss cosmetic surgery, OP although I accept it's not for everyone. I had some cosmetic surgery a decade back and Oh it made such a difference to my appearance! I absolutely loved the enhancements. Ten years later it still looks good, I am so glad I had it done.

that sounds tough OP. How much weight have you lost and did you lose it quickly? I think that can unfortunately age you.

@OurDoorz , I'm guessing you're not getting the responses you want here, and I tend to think along those lines too, but I'm not in your shoes, so I'm trying to imagine how I would feel. I'm sure it would knock my sense of self a bit. My Dad has a life limiting illness but lots of spirit and wants to make the most of his time, so he's getting a knee replacement, and I was reminded of him when I read your post. This is your life. What will make your life more enjoyable?

Of course yanbu to feel this way although I expect you're your own worst critic.

Why not treat yourself to an expensive haircut, I always find that boosts my confidence loads. £150 will buy you a really nice cut and blow dry with a senior stylist and that's a lot cheaper (and no risk of side effects) compared to many tweakments.

A really good haircut will frame your face better to mask any jowls you think you have

It happens to us all. I try to stay positive when not looking at a mirror.
Life has been a harsh on my face, though I find when I make an effort I don't look so bad.
You're alive and healthy.

‘You’re alive and reasonably healthy’ is what stands out for me, you’re really lucky.
Do all the things that make you happy!
I’ve earned all my wrinkles and scars, acceptance is key for a lot of things.

I'm older than you but I went through that sudden ageing thing. In my late forties people were still assuming I was much younger; now they treat me as older than I am. Visually, I aged about 30 years in ten. I've recently started using tret but will never have any surgery or 'tweaks'.

I completely empathise with what you say about accepting it rather than trying to fight it. Now and again I get a bit startled by myself but, on the whole, I don't mind. People do all look different and then age differently, there's no right way as long as we're still breathing!

I agree that we're now very used to seeing women's faces with bits that have been paralysed, other bits puffed up with injectables, partially or wholly reshaped with tucks and darts, sanded down and resurfaced - it skews our ideas of what older faces look like. I really don't see myself as some sort of adjustable doll, but I do sometimes have to give myself a talking-to on the subject 😂

I'll offer two very useful things I learned while I still looked conventionally attractive but was fucked-up in the head:

1. However much people think looks matter, personality matters more. We are always attracted to the lively, expressive character who shows an interest, engages with others and pays attention.
2. Positive self-talk. When you look at your reflection, are you always looking for flaws? Listen to what you're saying yourself (mentally or out loud) and ask yourself if you'd talk to a friend that way. I trained myself to appreciate my face the way I appreciate my friends' - I praise my good qualities and am kind about the sags, wrinkles, bags & blotches!

I'm not sure it's a good idea to use light therapy with tretinoin, btw.

Please just be yourself and stop worrying. Nothing gives you confidence and attractiveness like not caring a rat’s arse what others think.

It sounds like things have been quite hard for you, and you’re understandably down about it. You may not be able to dramatically change things without surgical intervention, but you could see if making space for self-care helps you feel better in yourself. Things like eating nourishing food, prioritising rest and exercise, and treating yourself to an at-home facial won’t have you looking like Cindy Crawford, but they might help you feel happier in your skin. I promise you’re worth spending time on and I hope you can go a little easier on yourself

You wouldn't be unreasonable to try and accept it and stop fighting it. Trying to fight it probably just keeps your mind on it more and in a more negative space. Focus on what you can change and what makes you feel good about yourself.

Face lift is quite extreme - have you tried injectables - some botox and judicious use of fillers from a very good Dr could help a lot.

Also - what's your hair like?

I am similar age and work quite hard at trying to look I would say as fresh as possible. I don't want to look younger per se but I do like to look less grumpy and tired.

I am sure my face looks older as well, am also in my early 50s. Some people age not gradually, but in spurts so to say, so maybe we will stay the way we are and look our age or even younger in our next decade?! 😝 Hormones in the perimenopause definitely play a role.

I am trying to make up for it by trying to keep fit and healthy. Nothing drastic, I am not a sporty person at all, I just like walks and do a little bit of resistance and stretching every now and again, very light exercise really, but it makes me feel better and I am healthier and more mobile than some peoply my age I know, even though they have younger faces.

I am mid 30s and was mistaken for ten years older too. I have several lines on my forehead, big dark circles under my eyes and rosacea. I don't wear make up, I don't like wasting time doing it and it don't like how it feels. I don't think it helps that many people you come across have some kind of enhancement like Botox or have looked after their skin a lot better than I have! I would like to accept it too, I certainly don't want anything to change it but it is hard looking older than others around you who are in their 40s, when you haven't yet reached that milestone.

Not remotely unreasonable. One of the joys of aging is not giving a rats arse about how I look.