To want to accept that sadly I look older than my age

I just don’t look in the mirror.

I am 45 and I’ve always looked younger. I had my first child at 21, and people were always shocked when I told them his age, it was all “god, really? You look late 20s” etc.

Then the last 6 year of my life happened, and especially in the last year, every moment of dispair, trauma and stress is showing on my face and I have changed beyond recognition. I look like a different person and ten years older.

So, no mirrors it is.

I second this. Somewhere in my 50s I suddenly aged, it was a bit traumatic! I'm in my 60s now, I just try to focus on how I feel rather than how I look. I took up weights, this hasn't changed how I look but has changed how I feel big time. I'm not saying I don't care how I look but I care a lot less these days.

As we age, one of two things happen depending on how afraid we are of ageing.

We can look old, or we can look weird.

I always looked young for my age and took it for granted, but now at 60 I would say those days are well over and I don't care. Like you op I am jowly and as I am on a weight loss journey that will only get worse. Just be as well and as healthy as you can, people might think you look older, but really they don't give a shit whether you look older or not, so why should you. Do you really want to end up a beautiful, young looking corpse, or would you rather end up someone who has enjoyed like to the full, and looks it?

Feathers might cover up the neck a bit.

I think women in their early 50s do often age dramatically. I know I did, but often it’s exacerbated by having children/teens plus older parents who need one plus working hard in a career and being a bit more self demanding in terms of household stuff.

If a couple of these things taper off, you’ll notice your face looks younger, because rest and sleep are the best beauty treatments on the market ( I’m not saying one early night, but being rested in general).

This might not be possible right now, but once eg children are slightly older or you decide to work fewer hours, you’ll notice a difference.

I’m another one who aged 10 years seemingly overnight. Part of it was letting my hair go grey in lockdown, like a pp. But I know my face looks older regardless of that. I genuinely don’t care. I’m 55 but if someone thinks I’m 65, so what? It has no effect on my life.

I’m currently under investigation for a health issue that could be nothing much or could be very serious. How old I look is the least of my concerns. I’m happy just to be here enjoying life for as long as I have left!

I doubt and would be so upset if I lost friends if I suddenly aged 10 years overnight. OP when I was 35 I was hospitalised for 9 months, I won't bore you with the details, but part of the reason was I was too thin. Consequently once I was able to eat the nurses set about fattening me up. Meals, ensure drinks, snacks, pudding. Every week they would weigh me in a wheelchair and hide the weight. I think they must have thought I was anorexic. I wasn't, I became extremely thin due to not being able to keep food down and constantly feeling nauseous. I had some weird viral illness.

Anyway I slobbed about in hospital clothes like loose trousers and dresses. I was sat in a chair all day as I couldn't walk. Miracously one day I got the wonderful physio who figured out what was wrong, got the Dr's to change my meds and within a week I was home. None of my clothes fit. It felt horrible. I had gone from size 10 to 16. So in a way I know how you feel. I was embarrassed to meet people, but noone mentioned it. They all were just glad I was better. Looks really don't matter. Also in my experience it is the pretty women who spend a lot of time and money on their appearance that find aging the hardest, my sister is one of them. I have been told I am prettier than her when we were younger. Those people should never have said it. Perhaps that is why she spends hrs doing makeup, gets botox, spends £££ on her hair, not to mention her clothes. She looks great, but the amount of time and money she spends is insane. I walk the dog and spend 5 mins putting makeup on for work or going out.

Just be yourself, it is too much energy trying to be someone you're not. You sound lovely.

I’m at the beginning of my 50s journey and was slightly horrified but then started dating a 37-year-old and now I feel so much better for it. You should give it again.
Seriously, you get to 50 in my opinion and you’re just grateful that your body is carrying all your internal organs through life and functioning
Anything else is actually a bonus

Brilliant procedure. You don't get the puffy look of fillers it just gets the collagen working overtime for a plumper look. Few hundred quid depending on location but effects can last a year/18mths.

I suspect a lot of this is more visible to you than anyone else.

Not so sure about the sagging being permanent, OP. I lost a huge amount of weight as I approached my 50th. Had a lot of saggy skin on my tummy but within about 2 years most of it had tightened beautifully. No stomach exercises as such, just walking.

Just wear a light weight scarf to disguise your neck area, many women have less than firm necks.

If you don't want to try injectables maybe try less invasive treatments like hifu? cheap compared to surgery and it encourages collagen production so gives a natural effect.

Women age far more noticeably than men due to oestrogen dropping off a cliff. Have you thought about hrt? Obviously it isn't for cosmetic reasons but if you have other issues too it could be something to consider.

You could grow a big bushy beard 😀

I agree with pp that if the weight loss is recent, you may find things even out over time.
Why not give yourself a fitness goal to work towards? Get your body as strong and healthy as it can be. That will keep you moving in a youthful manner for longer. It should hopefully help you feel better about your appearance as you will be glowing (even if sagging!)

Is the weight loss recent? The sagging might improve over a few months.

If you can afford a neck lift, if it is making you miserable, then do it.
If I was rich I'd probably look like Pete Burn's or Katie Price, destroyed.
Stop looking at Instagram too.

I do wonder about this. I think, as a society, we have unrealistic expectations about what women (and it’s always women) should look like at each stage of their life.

I was a lockdown cliché and let my grey hair grow out. I was 53. And instantly my appearance became a bloody hot topic. I did receive some compliments (and still do occasionally) but it was the ‘wow, you’re so brave’ and ‘I could never do that’ comments that annoyed me most. As if choosing not to dye my hair anymore was an act of defiance. I just couldn’t be arsed! Not in a ‘letting myself go’ kind of way, more that I needed my life not to revolve around the timing of covering up that endlessly re emerging grey stripe on my bonce. I don’t really have wrinkles on my face, but my scaffolding has collapsed and I look kind of saggy and sad. And my dark circles seem resistant to all concealer. I know I look older than my age. BUT, I lost my sister when I was 28 (she was 27) and I try to remind myself how absolutely lucky I am to be here. I know she would have made me laugh for caring about looking older because she had such a great attitude to looks in general and always saw something remarkable about everyone. That’s what I try to do when it comes to others. But then I take it a step further and extend it to myself. We are our own worst critics, aren’t we?

People do age at different rates.

Ageing is tough. I always thought you just got a few more wrinkles and stuff. I didn’t realise your entire effinng face changes shape. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I genuinely start if I catch myself in a mirror!

Anyway, I second what others say. Put your focus elsewhere. Being fit and active will encourage a more positive attitude to your physical self.

Put your efforts into hobbies, skills, learn something new. Anything to give you a more positive focus to life. And achievement outside of what is happening with your skin!

Due to chronic ill health I now look older than my 47 years. I can't wear make up or expensive face creams due to allergies and I look and feel permanently exhausted. However I don't care anymore. I'm not sure its possible to tell someone else how to not care anymore but for me it stems from losing both parents and having had a difficult life. I take the joys in small things and accept I'm aging anyway so appearance doesn't matter. It's totally OK that it matters to others and there's no judgement, this is just how I've come to terms with it. I tend to be philosophical and spiritual and have never placed much importance on the superficial due to being ill since I was a teenager. That probably helps.

Tretinoin is a prescription medication? You can't just buy it over the counter and surely doctors can't just prescribe it because someone feels they look old?

How are people just buying it

Ageing is difficult and it doesn't always happen gradually. I had cancer treatment 10 years ago and while initially, I looked the same afterwards, the stress of it on my body had a drastic effect on my face within a year or so. I literally aged about 10 years within a year following treatment.

I think we have to come to terms with ageing. I don't particularly like how I look (also have a turkey neck and jowls) and seeing other women my age or older who look so much better makes it difficult not to compare myself.

However, I also have a friend who has over the years done little bits to her face & neck. To start with, when she was 55ish, the effects were improving. But as she's continued, they've started looking plastic-y. She looks very false and a bit strange now (I'm not wording this well!).

I think with tweakments and surgeries, a little can be improving. But ongoing use of them end up looking false and weird. We've all seen those celebs who get past a certain stage and just look strange. For a while, we just think, 'Wow, they look good for their age!' and then a few more years pass and they look nothing like their former self and it becomes a kind of mask. I don't want that. I want to look like me, just older.

Ultimately, there is a lot more to us than what our face and body looks like. If we're healthy and have good relationships (not necessarily a partner but family, children, friends), I think we have to accept who we are. Better to be 60 or 70 and look like you than some weird Kris Jenner (look up her most recent surgery) who looks like an entirely different person as if she's had a face transplant.

Would you wear a scarf? It sounds like it’s your neck you are most conscious of. Treat yourself to something beautiful in a colour that makes people notice your eyes.