9YOD Pubescent GC of neighbour running around with bra top & 'Booty shorts'

@Idratherreadabookthanks the only thing you and your husband should be concerned about is your forensic attention to the body of A CHILD under the guise of puberty and claiming to want to protect her.

The only people she currently needs to be protected from are a pair of overly invested strangers spending their time sexualising her and her clothes whilst saying she’s fat and implying she won’t go far because of how she looks / dresses. Perhaps read one of the posts on here defending you, outlining the things groomers focus on to get vulnerable children into their grasp. You’ll see a very very thin line.

I hope she tells her parents the things you pair of absolute weirdos have said to her and that other grandparents in your gated community see the red bunting flying from your house.

I think the issue is more that being dressed in inappropriate, sexualised clothing signals to an abuser that a child likely comes from a background where they are not adequately safeguarded, therefore marking them out as a lower risk target.

Unfortunately some predators do target victims based on their own perceptions and clothing/ presentation can factor into this. It doesn’t make it right, but it’s how it is.

The way in which a child dresses does nothing to either attract or repel a would-be abuser, any more than a woman who wears a short skirt and revealing top is asking to be raped. The problem is the behaviour of some men, and the way to combat it is to have direct and open conversations with your children about how to keep themselves safe. "Wear oversized clothes" has no place in a conversation like that.

For what it's worth, I wouldn't be letting my 8yo dress like that either, but then I also don't allow her to plaster herself in makeup, unless it's part of a dress up game in the house or with friends. I just don't think it's necessary for young girls to be in a hurry to become women. But I'd have these views privately, and leave it to a child's parents (or GPs in this case) to decide that and not interfere.

Why do you think that she won't go far, even though she is clever? Because you disapproved of her outfit?

You are being really judgemental about a 9 year old child who wore a crop top and shorts in hot weather. You are really crossing boundaries with your encouragement for her to visit you and your DH in order for you to instill your own quite old fashioned and conservative values.

Hopefully, her grandparents will now refuse to let her visit you.

TBH the Grandparents are likely to start discouraging contact anyway after her getting sent back for a t-shirt.

You are being so, so weird about this child. Stop scrutinising her body. Stop obsessing over when you think a child ‘should’ reach puberty. Stop policing her clothes. Teaching a kid to play chess doesn’t give you the right to be involved in any of this. You’re overstepping so much.

What has any of this got to do with whether she’ll go far in life or not? You think the age of puberty has anything to do with a child’s prospects?

Honestly, if I was this child’s parent or grandparent and you were talking about her like this, I wouldn’t let her anywhere near your house again.

We are never going to agree

Exactly this!

Sending a child away to cover up incase men look at her IS a harmful adult behaviour

You should not be encouraging a 9 year old child to be visiting you and your husband unaccompanied if your concern is protecting her.
She’s in the area to visit her grandparents, not you, certainly not your husband alone.

Op you and your DH are completely over stepping the mark here.
Your completely undermining her family both her parents and grandparents. You are also leaving yourselves open to accusations of abuse that to be honest it would be hard to defend.

Tread carefully.

Ficking hell @Idratherreadabookthanks, this post has red flags all over it.

Do her parents know she is being left alone with you and also alone with your husband?

The husband who described her as ‘becoming a woman’ despite her being nine?

Because they are a hyper sexualized fashion designed to show off tits and ass in women. Therefore inappropriate in children.

Children tend not to have ‘tits and ass’ in the way adults do. It’s the projection of grown adults that sexualises what children wear, NOT children’s bodies.

The ‘what they wear is a flag to groomers’ is just another justification.

Children and women have been SA’d regardless of what they were wearing, how covered they were, how good or bad their parenting was deemed by others.
Doing things ‘right’ is zero protection from someone who is intent on abuse.

And in this scenario the attitude of OP and her husband not only commenting on but assigning the role of ‘young woman’ to a child is far more concerning and raises far more flags than a child in shorts. The language used is deeply indicative of an unreliable account of what the child was wearing.

The responsibility for assault lies wholly with the perpetrator never the victim. And especially not with a child.

I totally disagree.

You sort of are making a case for it. OP and posters who are supporting her and her DH's decision to comment on the unsuitability of this child's clothing directly to her and to her grandparents seem to think that sexual abuse victims who were dressed in a way that they would disapprove of have made themselves the targets of these abusers. It's not quite 'she was asking for it' but it is pretty close to that victim-blaming mindset.

Do you think that rape and sexual abuse never happens in societies where women have to cover themselves completely?

Because they are a hyper sexualized fashion designed to show off tits and ass in women. Therefore inappropriate in children.

I am absolutely staggered that this OP seems to be so completely unaware of why so many of the things in her original post are so utterly gross. The best I can figure is that this is just a rage bait post. But given it's possible that this is a real set of circumstances I felt it necessary to respond to defend that little girl. Ridiculous that there are people like OP who are still in that "it's the girl's fault" mindset.

You told a 9 year old child to go and change because you thought she looked too sexually appealing?!?!??!?! Wow. Astonishing that you can't figure out why that is horribly inappropriate! The person to speak to is not the child, but the parents! Do you have any idea how hurtful that comment could be to a young girl? (or to an older girl for that matter!!). It's bad enough that you told the child to go home and change, but to do so for those reasons is very very icky.

Furthermore, it's summer time! Plenty of kiddos are walking around in swim suits! Do you think children shouldn't be allowed to wear swim suits???

Surely you understand that the people with the problem are those who would ever be attracted to a child - not the fact that the child is wearing whatever clothes they are wearing??? You appear to have a similar mindset to those who say that young women who wear short skirts to nightclubs are "asking for it". Urgh.

The other language you chose to use in your post is also very very concerning: why are you using sexualised terminology to discuss a child? "Pubescent" (!!!???!!!) And to add to that grottiness you're making comments about the child's weight!! Seems that what you actually find distasteful is the fact that a chubby child is wearing some clothes that might be a bit too small for her and you don't find that aesthetically pleasing. Yikes.

I hope that family keep their little girl well away from you in future. That little girl doesn't need that kind of nastiness in her life, and the things you said to her - and the viewpoints you have - are toxic.

For future reference with other children: It is not your place to tell a child what to wear, unless they are in immediate danger (for example, you wouldn't allow a young child to play with a plastic bag/put a plastic bag over their head as part of a costume etc). If you have concerns then give the child's parents a call. If you don't understand this or understand why you have behaved in an offensive way then you may benefit from therapy so someone can explain to you not only why your views are offensive but what you can do to do the work to adjust those views. Frankly I wouldn't want anyone like you around my 9 year old nephew.

OP you essentially sent a child home to make herself less sexually alluring before she walked your dog, and you're here asking if that's reasonable? No. It's so not reasonable for so very many reasons.

This is getting really tiresome. I know. I am sure she meant well but went about it the wrong way.

I agree, it it’s not kids though, it’s girls, boys get practical clothing that comfy and purposeful. Girls don’t. They get the complete opposite, but somehow that’s ok.

But it's not for OP to instill her opinions on another family's child