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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how on earth you ‘slow down’?

62 replies

Imcomingovertoyourplace · 31/05/2025 17:24

I’m exhausted. I’ll admit it. I work full time, no DH or DP. I have a pretty tiring (emotionally and mentally) job which is based from home but I do visits most days, usually two or three.
I have two children and a great, fantastic group of friends. I want to slow down and do less but I really struggle with saying no.
For Example, the kids can’t really have play dates after school due to my work and so I tend to have a few kids to ours over the weekend. My DC1 has additional needs and so 99% of the play dates need to be at ours. I also like seeing my friends for catch ups, drinks, cinema, gigs etc. I have a lot of family too, who we cram into the weekend too, plus the kids need to do normal things like swimming, trips to museums, zoos etc just because otherwise what’s the point of weekends?
Everytime I want to slow down, I can’t decide what I’m supposed to say no to. Play dates? Fun stuff with friends? Family?
Then there’s all the boring necessary stuff like getting the car MOT’d, shopping, buying birthday presents which have to happen on weekends as I just don’t stop in the week. I work 10-6 to do school runs in the morning, so by the time we’re all back in the house, it’s 7-8.
I can’t cut my hours but I go to work on Monday more shattered than I was when I left on Friday!
Just this weekend it was sleepover for DC2 at ours, then rushing to get a birthday present for a friend, then home for DC1 play date at ours, then I’m out tonight. Then driving to London tomorrow as I’ve worked all week and the kids have just been in holiday club all half term so need a day out, then home and then work Monday. I haven’t stopped and unfortunately it’s having an impact on my health. My mum says ‘you need to slow down’ but I feel like the only thing I can cancel is my social life, which is a bit shit for me.
Anyone who managed to get a better balance, how did you do it?

OP posts:
Delatron · 31/05/2025 17:52

Yeah stop all the play dates and sleepovers or only do them in holiday time.

With work, kids and social life - I read somewhere you can’t do all 3 so choose 2. Unfortunately you can’t ditch your kids or work so it’s a case of being more selective with social events.

MoggetsCollar · 31/05/2025 17:51

When people text you to ask what you are doing this weekend, just say you are having a quiet one at home. It doesn't seem that difficult?

Alternate between having plans one weekend and staying at home the next.

TheyreLikeUsButRichAndThin · 31/05/2025 17:48

Its a lovely idea to have play dates and sleepovers every weekend but IME it’s u realistic and others are definitely not doing that - even if your child could go to theirs they probably wouldn’t as people done reciprocate - because they use their weekends to chill!

Ted27 · 31/05/2025 17:45

@Imcomingovertoyourplace

For a start why do you need to drive to London because they've been in holiday club?

London is a tiring day out. If you felt that you reality must give them a day out aren't there local options, or just the park and an ice cream.
You don't need to museums and zoos every weekend
There's nothing wrong with staying at home in your pj's, make popcorn and watch a movie together.
I bet the kids would appreciate chill out days as well.
I'm a single parent, my son was very active, he was a scout and member of several clubs so lots of activities. My general approach was if we had a very busy weekend, the following week was a a quiet one, certainly no more than 2 busy weekends on the run. I just didn't go out as often as I would have liked to.
You need to prioritise more

Original poster
Imcomingovertoyourplace · 31/05/2025 17:44

It’s really difficult though when I have about 20 texts saying ‘what are you up to this weekend?’ From friends, family, friends with kids. I can’t just say no forever

OP posts:
LividRah · 31/05/2025 17:42

I went four days a week, even though as a fellow single parent I can't afford it.

I also see friends very rarely now in person.

But I'm an introvert who NEEDS down time. I don't find it hard to slow down, for me it's essential. My kid is similarly happy to have days or half days unscheduled.

Try looking at your weekend plans and building in some unscheduled time. Yup, something will have to give.

Mt563 · 31/05/2025 17:42

Can you do more free things to allow you to cut your hours a little? 10-5 or a 9 day fortnight could make the difference.

outerspacepotato · 31/05/2025 17:41

You're not doing your kids or youself any favours by overextending yourself when it's already affecting your health. You need to cut back. Your kids also need some downtime.

Family stuff one weekend.

Social stuff another weekend.

The extra trips once every other month.

Online groceries and gifts to be delivered.

Easy to make meals. I did a lot of stir frys when my kids were young.

Mt563 · 31/05/2025 17:40

Personally, I aim for one day social, one day home chilling/ doing chores.

I wouldn't personally assume a day out was needed after a week of holiday club. But my girl would need chill time after a busy week.

Original poster
Imcomingovertoyourplace · 31/05/2025 17:40

@BabyofMineskint unfortunately and I know my work and my workload would stay the same.

OP posts:
BabyofMine · 31/05/2025 17:37

How are you money wise?
is there any chance of you dropping to four days at work to have some time to relax, concentrate on you, etc?

PersephoneParlormaid · 31/05/2025 17:34

Shop on line for presents and get food delivered. No need to do museums etc every weekend, make it once a month or even just at school holidays.