To think someone's sexual predilections reflects on their broader character?

What does it say about me? Disgust has a use, like a gag reflex that stops you drinking curdled milk. It forms a good barometer for safe boundaries and the mark of robust self esteem.

Do you apply that to all sexual kinks? Would you be fine with feederism, where people have died from the ensuing health issues? Would you be fine with extreme age play? Would you be fine with rape scenarios? Etc etc

I think it's perfectly normal to recoil in horror at the idea of a grown man wanting his girlfriend to pretend to be a child who he then coerces into sex and strangles. I would say you are the morally dubious one for finding it perfectly ok.

I think your feelings of disgust and judgement say more about you than anything else.

I agree, OP. I think some kinks absolutely should be shamed. Just because there is apparent consent doesn't make everything ok. Feederism for example, to the extent where one person is putting the other's life at risk, is abhorrent. Age play is also morally dubious imo.

Exactly. Some things are simply between consenting adults and it's their business even if it's not my preference. But (for example) men who get off on rape, spitting, hitting etc can't have a nice attitude to women and that will spill over into daily life sooner or later.

Of course it is - the fact that some people compartmentalise their dysfunction and play it out in sexual pleasure doesn’t mean it’s not dysfunctional - and it’s worse as it involves another person. I am very much a fan of kink shaming

You can roll your eyes all you want but I think it's completely maladaptive to express your love and lust for someone through the lens of pain, shame, humiliation or de-personalization fetishes. I think it's a place you only get to through a dysfunctional route.

Honestly, I'm finding all the "We mustn't kink shame" pathetic.

We should. We really should, especially when it's a kink that harms women.

My god. Watching a movie where people pretend to hurt someone is in no way the same as causing ACTUAL HARM to someone in real life when you're having sex with them.

The presence of an erection doesn't make the harm he's causing better; it makes it worse.

Why can people consent to things during sex that they cannot meaningfully and legally consent to otherwise?

like if you agree someone can punch you, and they do, they’ve still assaulted you whether or not you say that you consented, and the law still treats it as a crime.

but if he has an orgasm while punching you and you have agreed to be punched to facilitate this orgasm; then it’s a “kink” and it’s fine?

makes no sense to me.

🙄

"Because you don't understand them, because you wouldn't do them, because they don't fit in the narrow range of what you consider acceptable."

Surely you don't think that these are the only limitations when people are expressing their judgement and ick around kinks?

I can think of a million things, climbing Mount Everest, living in a cave, microwaving a cup of tea, that meet those conditions and do not provoke a visceral reaction or cause me to speculate on whether it's indicative of someone's moral values.

Feelings of disgust around kinks and judgements around character are quite specific to the content of the kink.

The scene in the film I referred to was in no way intended to be porn

And the feelings I felt weren't to be the injured party

It's nothing to with how boring it is...

Love that consensual, private sexual activities which bring people happiness and pleasure mean that we are disgusting and abnormal. Because you don't understand them, because you wouldn't do them, because they don't fit in the narrow range of what you consider acceptable. Precisely the way I'd expect the thread to go.

Definitely. People say you shouldn't kink shame but honestly if you want to wear nappies or dress up as a dog then you're disgusting.

More normal stuff doesn't bother me. BDSM keeps coming up and i think a lot of people who need boundaries are attracted to it.

I agree with you. Not only that, the thought of doing it is what gives him the erection.

Yes, I think the proliferation of kink and kink discourse is part generated by the increased access to porn but also finds momentum within academic nasal gazing - where everything which is heteronormative is couched around word like problematic and everything beyond is posited as some kind of brave heart war cry for libertarianism. So, yeah, a part of woke culture.

It was only thirty or so years ago, before trans women were women, when men playing at being women was painted in academia as a boundary playing movement akin to the carnival frivolity to teach the plebs how we all perform our way through life 🙄

What on earth is “woke culture”?

Kinks have existed as long as humans have. But I have only heard people talk about “woke” in the last few years (which in the mainstream at least.)

I disagree, but I'm open to other views.
I am really interested in how you have formed this opinion.
How many sexual relationships have you had? What kinks have been proposed to you/you've engaged with, and how did that partner act in day to day life?

But some rapists absolutely will say that’s their kink.

Exactly

I went on a few dates with a guy who informed me that he was only into sex where he could strangle, spit on and be extremely verbally abusive towards his female partners.

I “noped” the fuck out of there but I had already decided he was not for me as early conversations suggested he had a problem with women.

Him telling me his kinks confirmed that and I don’t think any man who can only have sex that way has a healthy attitude towards women.