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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think someone's sexual predilections reflects on their broader character?

363 replies

MonTuesWeds · 31/05/2025 10:11

Just that really. I feel like I came of age in a time when we were encouraged to believe that someone's 'intimate preferences' were just that, and that they were completely isolated from that persons wider self and personality. I just don't think that's true though. I suppose I'm wondering two things here, firstly if IABU I'm thinking this now but secondly - am I the only one who has felt the pressure not to judge someone on what 'they're into' providing it was always fully consensual.

OP posts:
yestothat · 31/05/2025 10:32

HuffleMyPuffle · 31/05/2025 10:22

Presuming this is about kinks anyway

No, what you do in private doesn't dictate what kind of person you are.

Of course it does. Most rapists, paedophiles and abusers don’t do it in public.
how you act at home behind closed doors absolutely dictates what kind of person you are and sex doesn’t start or end in the bedroom.

FruityCider · 31/05/2025 10:30

MonTuesWeds · 31/05/2025 10:29

Defensive!

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Well you brought it up.

Do tell. What sexual positions do you enjoy and how do you think they reflect on you as a person?

Original poster
MonTuesWeds · 31/05/2025 10:29

FruityCider · 31/05/2025 10:28

Utter nonsense. But do go on OP - give us a run down on your sexual interests. How do they reflect on you as a person? Are you superior because you only enjoy missionary sex with the lights off?

Defensive!

OP posts:
Original poster
MonTuesWeds · 31/05/2025 10:28

SeaFloor · 31/05/2025 10:24

You mean, if you like to submit in bed, are you in fact a cringing, put-upon type who can’t say boo to a goose in RL?

No - I'm not suggesting that it's predictive of any specific traits in their 'public' persona. It could be, but that's not really my argument.

OP posts:
FruityCider · 31/05/2025 10:28

Utter nonsense. But do go on OP - give us a run down on your sexual interests. How do they reflect on you as a person? Are you superior because you only enjoy missionary sex with the lights off?

yestothat · 31/05/2025 10:28

HuffleMyPuffle · 31/05/2025 10:21

Having kinks doesn't make you creepy or nasty

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Some do. Eg age play

Original poster
MonTuesWeds · 31/05/2025 10:26

HuffleMyPuffle · 31/05/2025 10:22

Presuming this is about kinks anyway

No, what you do in private doesn't dictate what kind of person you are.

So if someone gets off on hurting someone, it doesn't affect their broader character? There way that speaks to some kind of sickness in their soul (for want of a better term). If you really believe this can you explain why? Why is this aspect so segregated from the rest of the person? Surely it doesn't linger there in isolation

OP posts:
TryingToStayAwake88 · 31/05/2025 10:25

I think there is a massive difference between being a paedophile or having a shoe fetish. One I don't think is left in the bedroom whereas the other shouldn't affect at all how others view you. But can't quite tell what type of "predilection" you're meaning

BleachedJumper · 31/05/2025 10:24

HuffleMyPuffle · 31/05/2025 10:22

Presuming this is about kinks anyway

No, what you do in private doesn't dictate what kind of person you are.

I can of don’t agree with you. If you enjoy peeing on sexual partners, that is a part of your character as much as being rude to service staff.

SeaFloor · 31/05/2025 10:24

You mean, if you like to submit in bed, are you in fact a cringing, put-upon type who can’t say boo to a goose in RL?

HuffleMyPuffle · 31/05/2025 10:22

Presuming this is about kinks anyway

No, what you do in private doesn't dictate what kind of person you are.

HuffleMyPuffle · 31/05/2025 10:21

yestothat · 31/05/2025 10:15

i agree. There’s lots of things that can just make you a creepy, nasty weirdo that doesn’t stop when you’re at your day job even if you pretend it does.

Having kinks doesn't make you creepy or nasty

yestothat · 31/05/2025 10:15

i agree. There’s lots of things that can just make you a creepy, nasty weirdo that doesn’t stop when you’re at your day job even if you pretend it does.