To think someone's sexual predilections reflects on their broader character?

It's hard to know because sexual fetishes are mostly kept private (rightly so).

If people outside of the individual/their sexual partners know about them, then yes, it would give you pause about their character.

Rapist and pedophiles aren't a kink...

Oh and anything involving pretending to be a baby. Pedophiles also try to say their inclination is just a kink.

I don't think it's a case of moral superiority, but it's definitely part of a person's character. Your views on oral sex are quite strong and specific (judgemental some might say) and that is obviously rooted in something....as you say probably your experience of the patriarchy or possibly a more specific experience with a man/men. That view hasn't materialised from nowhere, it's a part of your broader character and will be influenced and reflected by/in who you are more widely.

Age play is consenting adults. It does not make you a creep

Being a pedophile is different

I remember a programme years ago called ‘my phone sex secrets’ or something like that about women who worked on adult chat-lines, and the dominatrix type lady said it was often men in fairly high power jobs who spent all day being dominant themselves who were clients.

This is like saying "if you like horror movies then there must be something wrong with you"

No. Just because in one scenario you like hurting people doesn't mean you are a sick person who likes hurting people

See also: martial artists, writers, boxers, tattooists, piercers, stunt people...

All those in various way "hurt" people in one way. It doesn't mean they are bad people or like hurting people for fun outside the context of their job

Yanbu...to a point.

If someone asked me to call them "daddy" in bed 🤢, or was really into choking women, I'd think less of them. I know that's meant to be kink shaming, but it also isn't.

It might be part of who you are but it doesn't define your personality...

Someone who shouts at wait staff =/= someone who has a specific kink for example

Some of them 100% do. Sorry if you don’t like hearing it but anything that involves hurting or humiliating your partner and getting off on it, flashing, wanking/sex in public, age play, furries, incest porn and many other things makes you quite a gross character.

I think I know what you mean, but things have changed since we were growing up and given the message "what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom."

Not only is it no longer kept in the bedroom, but a lot of men with fetishes can't seem to leave them alone and the internet has ramped up the urge to do something (benign, and occasional treat) to a level where it's always available and it appears to tip into almost an addiction. They also tell each other they have a right to do these things.

I do think that men who enjoy inflicting pain should see that as a problem, rather than cheer each other on. I don't think kinks, with enthusiastic consent, should be grouped in with men thinking their unreasonable demands are a need that has to be met. Strangling, and the expectation women should do this for their man, is an example of where it's gone wrong.

In some ways I agree. For instance I do not perform oral sex on men because I feel it's degrading. I'm presuming that noone who has this morally superior sex life would ever think of something as disgusting as putting a penis in their mouth. They pee out of those holes! I think women who enjoy that must be insecure and are in many ways perpetuating the patriarchy.

As a child abuse detective I can honestly say that most of the paedophiles I dealt with presented very normally. Friendly, engaging, pleasant. That’s what makes them so dangerous and enables them to insert themselves so easily into families lives.

Of course it does. What you do in private is a better window into who you are than what you do in public. Who you are and what you're like is made up of all the things you do....there isn't a free pass for things done at home!

Prudishness is so limiting

Hmmmm...food for thought. Have you tried reading up on relevant psychology text? Criminal psychology as a starting point.

I'm not so sure someone's private sexual preferences reflect in their character BUT if you know about what they do in private then that is most certainly reflection of their character.

Anyone who wants to tell all and sundry about their kinks is trying to push boundaries and getting off on telling you. This also goes for anything 'pride' related - who you sleep with is normal conversation, what you do is not.

I just feel like if OP is making a value judgement on people's private activities, maybe she should reflect on it herself? I would just like to hear from the OP how to have a righteous and wholesome sex life.

I have first hand experience of professor at an esteemed university. He enjoyed a fantasy of being spoken to like a baby, in bed; that's how he ejaculated. No penetration involved. I doubt he would behave like this at the lectern.

Then I’m not sure what your argument is — you said above that getting off on hurting someone in bed suggests a broader ‘sickness in their soul’? How is that different to someone who likes to submit in bed being a timid or submissive type in their daily life?

I think you cannot choose what turns you on. I have known many "kinky" people and plenty of them felt guilt and shame at what they liked sexually. Although they did it consensually they still struggled with the desires because of the fear that they would be judged just as you are judging OP. And I can speak from personal and practical experience - some of the nicest people I've known have sexual predilections that would make you blush.

Interesting thread. What pressure do you feel you're under to speculate? Are you saying there's a correlation between liking 'kinky' sex and going out and acting out those fantasies on a complete stranger?

Op clearly isn’t talking about sexual positions.

There’s obviously a difference between liking sex in the shower or from behind and wanting your partner in a nappy or to choke them.

I agree with op. As it seems do the majority, touchy subject for you?

Am I right in thinking kinks is a predominantly male thing?