To think someone's sexual predilections reflects on their broader character?

Open question for the thread

does a woman having a rape fantasy (or acting it out) say anything about her personality?

does a man having a similar fantasy and/or being prepared to act it out say anything about his?

I guess my broad view is that fantasies are private and say nothing about you as a person (maybe. I’m unsure about extreme or violent ones). Acting out a kink of some kind might, depending on what it is. Maybe my view is “I don’t know”…

There was a morality to character, as opposed personality, though.

Understanding the psychology behind a person's kinks is hugely complex. Unless you've studied this area, you're not going to find many relevant answers on here.

So do you put a moral judgement/failing on kinks?

I think that we need to look at it in the context of the days of putting homosexuals in the same category as murders and pedophiles. While the Nuns, who carried out pure wickedness, were seen as saints, partly because they wasn't sexually active.

Surely our sexual preferences are part of our broader character, as are all other aspects of self. It’s not as simplistic as “this kink means that trait” but it’s all part of a person’s character. As is preferred food, hobbies, sense of humour etc

There are so many prudish judgey people on this thread. OP you have knowingly started a goady thread. I judge you for that. There are a wide range of sexual preference out there and they are all part of our character however if it doesn’t affect you what’s the problem? Shame culture in sex is a big problem. Hurting people is a different matter. Grow up and know the difference.

No I don't know because I don't know you. How OP, do I have a wholesome and healthy sex life which doesn't 'transgress'? Can you tell me what sexual activities are acceptable, and which are not? Is sticking your foot in someone's mouth gross, but touching their bumhole okay? Where exactly do we draw the line, please?

Yet you're seeking validation of your theory on MN, when you've had access to empirical research 👍

Rape fantasies are women having a specific fantasy I think

And acting on them should involve a partner you are comfortable with, have set boundaries with, have a safe word/safe action to stop it at any point and involve lots of discussion before and after care afterwards. Even then it can still be hard to sleep with someone for a bit afterwards

Condemning fantasies and kinks is actually harmful to women. "Well if you want these things then he probably misunderstood" for example if said partner didn't stop during the "rape scene" when you safe worded out or if they then tried to do it again without your consent.

They don't dictate every facet of your personality, but they do of course contribute to who you are more widely. Every single thing you do /think/feel is a part of you are, including what turns you on sexually, what you do with an intimate partner, what you read/watch/search for on the internet. It's all a part of who you are.

The idea that sexual kinks exist in a seperate bubble and are no reflection of/have no impact on who you are is laughable.

Okay, so take a woman who enjoys putting her partners penis in her mouth, likes missionary sex with no extras, and doesn't ever insist on orgasming herself. (I insist every time, I'm just dreaming up a 'standard' sex life - sorry if I got it wrong. Not in to boring sex myself)

What assumptions can we make about this woman and how does it reflect on her character? Could you give me a run down of your sex life and tell me what it says about you?

I don't think this thread is actually open to differing opinions, and is already showing signs of becoming a pile-on, but ok:

The difference in character that I see is about freely given, enthusiastic consent.

I like receiving pain, and therefore I also like giving pain, to someone who I know is also enjoying it. So all I think that says about my or a partner's character is that we're open minded and that consent is important. I would not enjoy giving non-consensual, not-actively-wanted pain, and think that's a different thing.

I don't enjoy adult baby play or furries or a bunch of other things, but I have no issues with consenting adults enjoying them with other enthusiastically consenting adults.

If you're talking about people who are pushy, coercive, entitled or similar, with not-enthusiastically-consenting partners, then yes, that's a problem, but it's about the above-stated aspects of their character, not about the specific sex acts.

In the "degrading" example - it could be, but isn't necessarily.
It's called "role-play" - it's a form of acting, in a specific, agreed, safe context.
Otherwise are you arguing that all actors who play serial killers or other "negative" characters are intrinsically flawed because they agreed to play that role? If not, why does playing it for money make a difference? Is it ok for a professional actor but not an amateur dramatics person because they're also doing it for (non-sexual) fun?

But sure, there are people who want to play with degradation in bed who also secretly hold prejudiced and unpleasant views about the person or class of people that they're degrading.
The existence of some doesn't mean that everyone is.

Most of these arguments fall down because they assume single motivations for actions, and that classes of people are identical monoliths. Life, and human psychology, is way more complicated.

It's obvious this is really just a thread to attack men and say men are bad...

I’m quite sure that someone’s kinks say a lot about them, but I think it’s usually not in the ways you think.

From the limited reading I have done (amateur interest in psychology), for example someone who wants to be dominated in a sexual relationship is likely to be someone who holds a lot of authority and responsibility in day to day life. Similarly someone who wants to dominate is more likely to feel powerless in their day to day life. It’s a release.

This is just kink shaming. And means nothing. You'd probably be surprised what some "nice, normal" people are into

With the exception of Flashing, which is sexual abuse and doesn't have consent of the person being flashed, and sex in public which again doesn't have the consent of other people

Consent is key.

The horror movie analogy is a good one. Am I likely to go out and replicate the same torture I've just seen in a movie? Just because I enjoy torture porn movies, does it mean there's something wrong with me or am I capable of separating reality from fiction?

No but (and I’m happy to be corrected as this is just based on something read somewhere) rape fantasies are not all that rare for women. Is that a kink or a fantasy? And what’s the difference?

and apologies, not trying to offend

Sucking dick doesn’t mean you’re insecure, wtf.

We are talking specifically about kinks. Those do not dictate what kind of person you are.

So you think people (not just men, because women have them too) with kinks can’t be good people? What is a good person? Most people contain multitudes and moral contradictions. I don’t agree with you at all.

And there it is. Men with kinks are bad. What about women?

You'd be wrong. Many women have kinks too