To think someone's sexual predilections reflects on their broader character?

This response is problematic. Calling someone “not normal” for liking something you don’t isn’t adding to the debate, and isn’t fair.

I don't hit people who don't want to be hit. I hit people who want to be hit and have asked me to hit them.
At a very basic level, hitting can release endorphins, which feel nice. When someone feels nice, they make excited faces and noises. Those excited faces and noises are pleasing, and maybe arousing. It's not always that deep.

Ive never thought of this before but it's an interesting discussion. I think that it would depend on the fetish/kink, for example a shoe or foot i don't think would really say anything about them as a person day-to-day, but if you're into degradation of yourself or a partner during sex then it probably does tell you something about them as a person and how they value themselves or others.

I was once told by a psychologist that we are all. All capable of torture. Interesting.

It’s about consent, though. Getting off on hurting someone who gets pleasure from being hurt is very different from getting off on hurting someone who hates it and wants it to stop.

I think it’s an interesting question about where kinks/ preferences come from.

There’s a massive difference between someone who likes their partners feet and someone who commits criminal offences. The law reflects that.

I actually do think some kinks are strictly bedroom with consenting adults only. Others perhaps do bleed into real life in a negative way. Surely this is based on the character of the individuals involved?

But I don't think a normal person wants to hit people. I don't think normal people will have an orgasm when they've hurt someone.

There is a psychology.

Maybe more people with kinks would be more willing to talk about it if people didn't start talking about 'trangressions' and peados and rapists in the same breath as the question.

I like to hit and (sometimes) be hit. My friends know all about my reasonings/psychology behind it because I talk about it a lot. They're also not assuming that I'm some kind of psycho because of it, and that IRL I'm just a normal person.

I agree with you, OP, particularly if the guy is into hurting women, choking women or underage people.

I disagree with this, it's not reflective of my personal experience and is a simplistic way of reading the development of someone's sexuality, which is complex and not really understood by science yet. Most people with kinks couldn't tell you how they formed them but it's certainly not as straightforward as "I hate women deep down so I want to degrade them in the bedroom".

Similarly it's very common for women to want to be dominated sexually, this doesn't mean they are complete doormats in other areas of life, it's just not that straightforward.

OPs sex life and her views on sex are entirely relevant to the thread. See, the OP has stated that those of us who do have some kinks/fetishes are 'transgressing', which implies a moral boundary. I'm just really trying to understand where that boundary is. I for instance don't participate in some sexual activities as I think for me personally they are degrading. I do some things which would make your eyes water. I just want to understand exactly where I'm going wrong. If I took my foot out of my partner's mouth, and instead swallowed his ejaculate, would that be okay? How do I stop transgressing?

I find it really interesting that OP would come on here and cast her judgement far and wide about other people's sex lives, without being willing to discuss her own.

I agree, they don't define you in isolation. People are extremely complicated, no-one is only their kink, but everyone's kink is a part of them.

For example, I don't think that every man who watches rape porn or acts out rape fantasies with a consenting partner will go on to become a rapist. But if you look at the internet history/past behaviour of a rapist you will almost certainly find rape porn/rape play in there. Enjoying a woman saying 'no' while you penetrate her doesn't dictate that you become a rapist, but it's certainly a red flag for future behaviour.

Completely agree with this.

You’re talking crap , it’s like pp said , if you like to play Dom/Sub , does that mean whoever likes to play dom in the bedroom has a controlling personality outside of the bedroom ( no it doesn’t ! ) or the submissive in real life, is meek & needs to be constantly guided in life ?? as in has that type of personality .. Also no ..
People have kinks, & enjoy certain things sexually that has no reflection on their personality ….

This is coming across now as some quasi religious BS of shame

It depends on what it is. Look at Tate. He's all about being degrading and violent to women sexually and that's the kind of person he is.

A good therapist/psychologist could likely break down someone's sexual kinks in relation to their overall personality.

Are you talking with a particular person in mind OP? An ex that liked weird shit in bed and turned out to be horrible all round? I'm not sure where you're going with this?

It may not be for you, it doesn't make it creepy

But that's the thing

OP is making out kinks define you as a person

Which they don't

They are just a part of you

They aren't YOU

Creepy but not illegal.

OP i find use of the word “transgression” interesting. It implies you believe there are some moral rules when it comes to sex…

I'm not sure I've got the psychology skills to analyse your fictional woman I'm afraid.

I probably could give you a run down of my sexual preferences and what they say about me, but I won't. I don't think it's necessary for the conversation and I just don't really want to discuss my predilections with a (quite aggressive) stranger on the internet.

What do you think it says about your character that you're the only one on the thread who's referenced 'moral superiority' a number of times and also the only who has asked both the OP and now me to describe our sex lives to you? I think that's probably a far more interesting question that what I like in bed tbh!