To think someone's sexual predilections reflects on their broader character?

How can you conflate consenting adults with what the Lost Prophets guy did? Either they're consenting adults and it's all an act or they're doing what he did and there's a non-consenting non-adult involved. To mix the two things is just falsely stacking your argument to make the former seem akin to the latter in the most extreme and pretty sick way. But consenting adults acting out is simply that and no one else is getting hurt or even aware of what they're doing with each other.

I don’t think she’s on about positions, more people that want to have their sexual partner role play a defenceless baby. Come on now.

Lol, if you are referring to me- I never said I was balanced or healthy-

People who think of themselves as balanced and healthy often seem to be the least self-aware. Gotta wonder what they're hiding from themselves.

I'll admit to having a very vanilla sex life but I think There are kinks and kinks. Generally speaking practicing your kink with a consenting partner, in private, is none of anyone's business and really doesn't say anything about you. If you and your partner practice ethical monogamy, fair play to you. If you're into swinging and sex parties or role play that's entirely up to you. If a "kink" involves using prostitutes, for example, then you demonstrate that you're happy to pay to use someone else's body and that does speak of your general character (in my opinion)

If your kink involves dishonesty, then yes I do think that speaks of your general character.

On the other hand I suspect that many people have fantasies and kinks they never explore because they're just not brave enough so you could say that practicing your kink does speak of your character but in a positive way - it is brave and courageous to explore that side of yourself

So there some acts between consenting adults that you do think are wrong?

This seems to me to be a good example. People whose jobs and sex lives are built on inequality; people who spend their lives in a world dictated by hierarchy are people who do not seem balanced and healthy to me.

And what are your own opinions on what they do ? What’s your view on “kinks”? Are they all transgressions and immoral or are some ok?

But consent makes a huge difference!

Hitting someone in a scene where they have control and can stop it and then cuddling afterwards as aftercare is not the same as battering your partner because they forgot the milk and they are shielding themselves from you and begging you to stop and then going "I only do it because I love you"

One can find the first exciting and still be appalled by the second.

If you can't see why consent makes a difference then it's a you problem

@MonTuesWeds I can't see where anyone has said that kinks appear in a vacuum. Of course they are a part of who you are. As I said, though, the answers you're looking for are incredibly complex.

It's interesting to pick up you only speak about hurting WOMEN

When a well-known kink subset is women who hurt men...

Almost like you have an agenda

if you're into degradation of yourself or a partner during sex then it probably does tell you something about them as a person and how they value themselves or others.

That is such overly simplistic reasoning I don't know where to start, except to say that whatever you think it tells you is likely to be very wide of the mark.

And yes. I am a normal person. I live in a 'naice' area, in a nice house, with a nice job. I'm an upstanding member of society and if you met me you'd probably think I'm pleasant enough. I'm not mean or cruel to anyone IRL. I walk among you. But then I'm also a woman. Are women allowed to have kinks or is it just men with them we don't like? Because actually my husband is a normal person too. Promise.

Who are you to decide what is "normal"?

Are you saying boxers and martial artists and stunt people are not normal because they hit people, or pretend to?

What if someone gets off on being hurt or subjugated which seems to be a thing.

So, no, I don't think it follows someone out of the bedroom unless it's in a very abstract fashion.

Being into underage people isn't a kink...

We don't know where kinks come from

I'll tell you a story.

The first time I experience "excitement" from a kink was watching a FAMILY film where a character gets whipped (it was Will Turner in Dead Man's Chest). It caused a reaction in me I didn't understand until much later because at the time I wasn't familiar with the kink world. Nothing "influenced" me beyond the fact I found it exciting.

I don't and have never gone around whipping people for fun however...

Inevitable ratchet effect?

so someone fantasising will inevitably progress to acting out and then doing something bad/harmful? That’s not correct at all

It's different in that the person has a level of self - control and boundaries which is important but it still tells you that they enjoy and actually get turned on by physically hurting someone else, even if the other person consents.