Is this what you call performance parenting?

You sound like a lot of work/insufferable

I think the fact she asked you what a chess table is and you immediately offered to buy her some chess pieces speaks volumes to be honest!

I hope it isn’t true, but it is what I observe very often. Rather performance parenting than poor parenting.

Whatever the parenting style, it is the high volume that is annoying.

@persoeYAWN. I’ve got 3 intelligent children. Everything does not need to be made into “a learning experience” unless you are the type of helicopter parent driven by a need to have your child be a chess prodigy/young musician of the year/fluent in Mandarin by age 8. It’s boring. Children find it boring having “learning” rammed down their throats all the time too.

I’ve read a couple of “performance parenting” threads on here recently and I think it’s a classic case of taking something which is rare and quite funny (I think we’ve all got our own example, the one that went down in legend for me was overhearing a mother saying to her kid “but don’t you CARE about BEETHOVEN??” ) and extrapolating it out to overhearing perfectly normal conversations.

Some people are loud - I don’t care if I hear them as long as it’s not a confined space. I have a quiet voice but I’ve decided not to give a fuck if someone overhears me talking with my kid and thinks it’s pretentious. All kids are different and some will be very interested in chess or books or who won the World Cup in 1982 and others would look at you like you were mad for speaking to them about it. We know our own children and if passers by think I’m a wanker for chatting with my child about things that interest them and me then that’s their problem.

When their children grow into teens who can’t hold a conversation with a teacher or employer because they’ve never had a chat with their own parents beyond “what’s for tea?” then maybe they’ll rethink.

4 isn't too early to teach a bright inquisitive child chess.

I've played (simple) board games with my children from 18m, and my 4yo could play chess. She wasn't going to be beating any experienced players at that age, but knew the mechanics and could play a basic game.

Apart from very complex ones, she can play many games designed for adults now at 7, often holding her own strategically.

Surely it's no one else's business how/what you teach your child. I can't imagine reacting that way to hearing a parent teaching their kid about something, really weird imo.

I think you're wrong. At 4, everything should be a learning experience ... and for many years thereafter. (After 80, perhaps have a rest ...)

And a properly-brought-up 4 year old will well understand the concept of chess (albeit he/she might need a handicap in her/his favour the first few times you play.)

I don’t see a problem with this. So many children in the UK have so little exposure to a second language. So she’s teaching them some French! So what?

I think it's fine, OP.

Though I have to say when DD2 got to about 9/10 and we were visiting a castle in Ireland and we were probably asking things like this, DD2 said "STOP MAKING ME LEARN!" 😅

She’s 4. Every trip to the park doesn’t need to be a learning experience. And most 4 year olds won’t understand the concept of chess either.

you sound like an engaging parent who can make learning fun. ignore idiots that want to drag you (and by extension your daughter) down. Some people think we should all aim as low as we can so that nobody’s feelings get hurt.

Oh, let me try! Ignoramuses? Dunces? Something else suggesting they are somehow foolish? Not that I agree with name calling. But how about something that doesn’t imply that people from less privileged backgrounds are more likely to BE these thicko’s?

Two such occurrences indicates it is quite noticeable. Or you’re in a context/location with a very different parenting culture.

Performance parenting is such a nasty term to level at parents who ae probably just doing their best. I definitely used to speak to my dc in that way and I certainly don't regret it or think, now they're 18 and 15, that I wished I'd spoken to them less (or quieter) when they were little. I'd love to go back for another day of them chattering away and asking me questions, hanging on my every word!

I remember being in a cafe and bf ds2, who was a few months old, while nearly 3 year old ds1 asked me questions about the big posters they had up of coffee plantations. I answered his initial questions but also added some questions of my own too to keep it interactive and involved. Two women commented in their way out along the lines of 'he's such a curious little chap/keeps you on your toes/ isn't he bright/you're doing a great job...' I remember feeling very grateful as I was hardly getting any sleep and was feeling guilty about the impact of ds2 on ds1 and their kind words were a boost. Thank god they didn't just dismiss me as performance parenting, and also thank god I didn't just shut him down with 'It's coffee.' when he asked the first question.

I had so many lovely comments from (mainly older, tbh) people when my dc were little. I think some people do enjoy seeing nice interactions between parents and kids when out and about, unlike the miserable fuckers on here who just seem to judge.

Disagree with those saying you must be too loud if you’re not talking so quietly that other people right next to you can’t hear you. Why should we teach our children that they have to communicate very quietly? We should There’s not need to be overly loud, but people really love to take down anyone who dares not to blend into the background. Why not teach our children instead that it’s ok for them to take up space in the world?

If I'd had my second born first I would have though you were ridiculous as a four year old is almost still a toddler and mine doesn't understand the concept of countries or distance or any gane with anything more than the simest rules. However my first did know where Australia was and would have been quite capable of a game of chess at 4 and we talked to her about these things as she was constantly curious to know more.

My parents talked to me like this. I enjoyed it. So much better than screen time and random snippets of clicked factoids.

People are probably going to judge you regardless of whatever you do. Pay them no mind.

As ever on these threads, the people getting terribly over sensitive about their own parenting and thinking this is about them having conversations with their children aren’t getting it. Performance parenting is when such pedagogy is done for the benefit of bystanders, not the child. I can imagine this is hard to visualise if you’ve never seen it, but it absolutely is a thing. I remember a cracking example at a urban farm in south east London years ago. It’s the sly little glances around to check that other people are suitably impressed. It’s just not an engaged parent having an interesting conversation with their child. That’s basic parenting. Or should be.

Agree. The definition of performance parenting for me, is around the ‘performance’ bit. Broadcasting whatever educational point being made in such a way that it’s intended for others to hear. Definitely nothing wrong with in-depth, educational discussions with young children. It’s the broadcast bit.

There was one recently when I was in a café. Do you know what that is, Timmy? Timmy: “duck quack quack”. “ yes that’s right, it’s a MALLARD duck. Can you say mallard Timmy? Etc, loud voice, occasional scan to check somebody had heard. Excruciating.

Who cares op - you are talking to your child - better than ignoring them and being on your phone! So long as the whole world don't have to listen.

I'm interested in your inference that I "like to think" I'm "classy". I wonder where you got that from. (I suppose I can't be sure, but I anyway suspect it's false.)

I'm not sure the issue is mainly about others seeing you as performing OP. You clearly value learning and academic knowledge. Some people despise this, sadly.