Is this what you call performance parenting?

I think what I’m learning from this is that many adults think that teaching should be left to teachers, that parents trying to help their kids learn are somehow overstepping. Explains a lot tbh as most topics in life are never going to come up in a classroom.

Iit's not what you were doing that was the issue but the fact that everybody could hear you.

and do you not have a chess set?

We don't. We don't play and we have a small house, so unnecessary things are limited because of storage. I think lots of people probably don't own a chess set...

I know all sorts that I have no memory of learning. It's just there, in my head.

Why does it hurt for her to know these things?

4 year olds can learn chess. It’s just moving pieces on a board.

Basic chess, without the strategy, is little different from many other board games. At that age, as with all games, you play at their level and let them win sometimes to build their confidence.

You don’t have to finish it in one go. You can leave the board up and come back to a game later. You can buy little travel sets, which are great to take on holiday or anywhere they may need to sit still and feel bored.

Like all games (cards, draughts, football) you learn the basics first and the strategy comes later. Chess is becoming v popular again because you can play online and lots of outdoor spaces have chess boards.

Have you considered that some people are just...loud? Naturally?

You sound judgemental and smug.

Regurgitating facts is a good idea, though. Rehearsal, retrieval and repetition fix the information in long term memory.

Also why does she need to be "learning" those sorts of facts? She's only four.

You over-explained and though it is interesting to ask about other animals in Australia and where it is - where is it, not sure of the latitude but in the vicinity of NZ and also places like Borneo, will that do? - it is a bit OTT. She just asked what chess was (a game where you try to defeat and capture the enemy, a war game in effect) so you didn't need to ask about playing it (and do you not have a chess set?) nor tell her the moves. Pawns move in 3 ways btw, at the beginning of any game any pawn can move forward either two spaces or one, thereafter only one space; if taking another piece it moves forward diagnonally i.e. if you are on the square to the left or right of a pawn and one place forward you are at risk. That's also OTT. Sorry.

It sounds like you are overdoing it. She is only 4. You could have given a much simpler answer regarding chess. The prompting question about what else lives in Australia is just teaching her to regurgitate facts rather performatively.

As does your response 😏

If you were speaking quietly to your dd, no.

if you were talking loudly to ensure everyone around you could see what an amazing parent you are, yes.

Def sounds like square-root guy was amused, though!

If you were saying it solely for the purpose of other people hearing (doesn't sound like you were) then yes. Otherwise I guess people should maybe worry about their own interactions with their children and not be so unkind whilst they're at it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Her cats were deux chiens? Genetic engineering has gorn too far. Defund the sciences now now now.

Wow that took me back to my daughter's dinosaur phase! And her space phase directly afterwards where she would tell my bewildered self about neutron stars and mass. I had no idea children absorbed so much until I had one. Although now, at almost 10, she has forgotten a lot of it in all honesty, replaced with new surprises like detailed information about Palestine/Israel and impressive Donald Duck impressions out of nowhere. There's nothing as intense as a young child with an interest and they are endlessly surprising.

OK. "Something" ... but what?

(Incidentally, I've learned from these exchanges of the class-based nature of 'chav' as an insult, something that somehow had passed me by. Even at my age, still learning!)

You are so wrong.

It's just as natural for a child to like the patterns of maths and chess as it is to like the patterns of hopscotch or singing.

Luckily people in my family haven't needed to wait for the experience of school to learn about and learn to hate logic and strategy.

A fair few of us have gone into related professions. And we all had fun along the way.

It doesn’t matter what it looks like. If it’s normal for you and your daughter then crack on. I have three kids and often look like the worst mum with loads of screaming and crying. In a quiet moment on the train with them yesterday I started doing maths with my eldest. It was only a few minutes trying to teach him how to multiply bigger numbers. It may have looked like a performance but it was a good a chance as I’ll get to engage with him and a few minutes well spent we can pick up next week in a quiet moment to try it again.

Something related to the judgement and belittling rather than an explicitly class-based insult? That seems obvious.

@NotSoSlimShadee as a parent to a ND child who hasn't got half a scobbie about what I'm talking about to him other than routine driven commands that may or may not result in being screamed at or hit, I wouldn't take any notice of whether or not other parents think you're being performative or not.

I'd love to be able to be a performative parent rather than the parent everyone is staring at because their child is taking his clothes off due to getting a bit of water on his top even though it is Baltic outside. In other words fuck them and their judgements.

Well, but you have to do it right, you see. Temper the wind to the shorn lamb, sort of thing.

Not at all boring. Learning stuff is really fun if you're a human. (Not just for children, either.)

I talked to my DCs when young without needing the world to be our audience. They were both reading basic words when they started school as they were interested in talking and reading. My daughter was on the gifted list for reading and passed exams for selected secondary. She now works in IT. No, I don't need to tell you all of this but for context I think it helps show my DCs coped with performance parenting.
Can the noisy performers stop putting other families off their conversations?

I know right! Don’t buy your kid chess pieces at 4 OP @NotSoSlimShadee not unless you have money to burn and don’t mind wasting it

I personally think every day should be a learning opportunity, even if only in passing - ideally for us adults too, but certainly for young kids.

My second is obsessed with animals and often teaches me facts about wildlife. I remember picking up a 'dinosaur' when out and running out was a strange looking spinosaurus. My second, who was three at a time, corrected me that (1) it was a dimetridon (2) it wasn't technically a dinosaur but lived and the same time (3) it ate fish. I googled it, correct on all 3 counts.

We really underestimate kids and their ability to soak up information sometimes.

Yes, it's for their benefit now to act like a good parent in front of others, but I'm not going to stop talking to my kids and us discover things together any time soon.

Fair enough, in a way. "... stupid ignorant dunces ..." ("Ignorant ignoramus" is kind of pleonastic, no?) Hmm.

Any other suggestions anyone? (Yes, I suppose you have to agree with name calling. But why not? If the cap fits ...)