Is this what you call performance parenting?

They are missing the "performance" part and thinking "parenting" is being knocked.

Once you've seen it, you know it!

I think they were both a bit much, yes. A 4 year old doesn’t need such a detailed explanation of chess - I’d have just said ‘you move some pieces around the squares’

And the Australia thing too, all you needed to say is ‘it’s from Australia, remember when we went there?’

Also depends on how loud you are! The fact that people have reacted on 2 separate occasions probably means too loud…

I’m going to post my own post again which is terrible form but I'm slightly fascinated that several
of us have posted a similar explanation and its being roundly ignored by people who are just gasping to point out that they are only talking to their kids….

Unless you where shouting it to make others notice, take no notice at all. If you want to teach your child when out and about because that's what you like to do with your child and your child's happy too, which is what it sounds like, then forget anyone else's opinion.
I don't see why everyone thinks just because others hear you, you must have been shouting?! I hear conversations when out and about all the time and the people are talking at a normal level. I'm just close enough to hear.
Why does it matter that you asked your daughter if she remembers other facts about Australia you've taught her, as a EYP this is the kind of thing we'd love all parents to do a bit of, because it's similar to what a good childcare provider would do in sessions. As long as you don't make every single thing a learning objective lol, just get on with you want!
This is just another word to make parents feel bad about how they want to teach their child

I think this is a perfectly normal conversation to have with your children. My mum used to talk to me and my brother like this and we both love learning still. I talk to my sons like this too.

How can you possibly know that without knowing the 4 year old? There is a HUGE range of “normal” at 4 plus the outliers.

This is what I would do with my kids…quietly.

It would only be performance parenting if you were doing it loudly for an audience which if 2 separate people have commented may be how it has comes across

I don’t think that sounds too bad. The other thread was full of funny examples, the parents talking loudly about a ‘yummy croissant’ (🤢🤣) and holding people up at the airport scanner sounded way more infuriating.

Really 😲. I'd expect a 12 year old to know the PM by name and the Leader of the Opposition. Doesn't Civic Education fall anywhere on the curriculum or do you not watch / discuss current affairs in your house?

Isn't performance parenting when you're speaking loudly to your child in public?

What you were saying to your daughter wasn't you performing, it was answering the questions of an obviously curious child.

Sounds like you are doing a great job teaching your child :)

There's a difference between talking to/teaching your child in public for your child's benefit, and doing the same thing for the benefit of people around you to hear. The former is lovely, the latter is obnoxious. It's generally obvious which it is. I'm not suggesting you were obnoxious. But there is a stark difference between the two.

Chess explanation too long for a 4 year old

This is my paranoia... Just trying to make chitchat with my very talkative nearly 2-yr old. I think it's fun reinforcing what she's been learning about at the childminder, in books etc... I try to do it as quietly as possible, but sometimes if she's in the pushchair, or we're in a busier situation, it's probably audible. Especially self-conscious when we talk in a different language or if she asks me to sing.

No it’s great of course. Maybe quieter then? Ignore others, it’s just a sense of competition they feel

Sounds like the conversations I had with my parents and those I have with my DC now. No-one ever commented. Either we spoke in quieter voices or people were less judgemental. I do think there's an anti intellectual bent to modern society which would rather we all languished at the same level of ignorance and make an example of people choosing to learn.

Soccer mum in the making.
Why does it bother you why other people think anyway?

Man alive, it’s fine.
Teach your kid some stuff, engage in conversation in the open air, it’s all absolutely fine.
You crack on, love. Just ignore the nay sayers

@NotSoSlimShadee, would you like me to do some Performance Mumsnetting and teach you the object of chess? Because it is not what you think it is.

I am so utterly done with this shit!! Who gives a flying fuck what other people think. You’re interacting with your child. I would have spoken with my child this way. I am not loud, I don’t like attention on me and I certainly wouldn’t have a loud conversation to draw attention to myself. Now caring parents are panicking about how they interact with their child.

This was a term created by parents who give their child an iPad, to make them (the parents) feel better surely? Getting on my bloody nerves!

Going by the responses on here, you’re either pretentiously conversing about astrophysics so that the public at large knows they are in the presence of geniuses, or you’re scrolling through your phone while your kids’ brains shrivel up from lack of interaction. I mean, I chatted and had a right old laugh with my children when they were small. I threw in a few facts about stuff I knew when appropriate and answered any questions to the best of my ability. All in a completely conversational - ie not loud - tone of voice. There’s a happy medium and I think most of us fall into that category.

Also, the boy who had the rude dad, absolutely should be learning his square roots.

Honestly nine times out of ten when people complain about "performance parenting" its out of insecurity or guilt that they don't bother to talk to/listen to their kids enough: someone else has made them feel shit about their own parenting.

Usually with a liberal side helping of inverse snobbery: there's usually a "Jasper" or a "Jocasta" thrown in for good measure to turn anyone who communicates with their child into a middle class caricature.

I find it thoroughly depressing that people feel that talking to your kids in public is showing off. It says far more about the person levelling the accusation than it does the supposed "performance parent".

You crack on OP and parent your child how you like.

I do stuff like this with ours all the time, had never considered this wasn't normal 😂 Never heard of "performance parenting" either, until now.

If you and your child are happy, and your child is having their needs met, I wouldn't give a second thought to what other people think. A lot of them are rude and / or thick anyway, as evidenced by the behaviour you saw today!

Why? What's over the top about it?
By the time he was three my son knew all the planets in the solar system and was really interested in space and the world. He'd travelled to quite a few different countries and was learning french from me and had learnt a bit of dutch from my friend's toddler. He was hugely interested in different countries and would have loved to know that the bird came from Australia and to have talked about how Kangaroos came from Australia. This is exactly the kind of stuff some children love to chat about and learn about.

Not all children are the same. My son sends me links to books about politics/history/space /science/chess that he wants to read for pleasure now. He is, and always was, just a kid who loves learning. He's also got a vicious sense of humour and a kind heart. He would never mock someone for being interested in the world or for having a conversation with their child.