Is this what you call performance parenting?

Not performative. How are children ever supposed to learn about things if someone doesn’t ask questions of them and explain things? My 6 year old has an encyclopaedic knowledge of the monarchs of Europe and we have discussions in public about who did what when, why wouldn’t we?

I teach Early Years and the number of children I work with who are clearly never told anything is obvious and depressing. Keep doing it, those other parents are dicks.

OP, things like tone (emphasis), body language and loudness can appear to be attention-seeking, the look at me parenting show.
Consider the difference to someone reading the news to Mr Tumble (or whoever presents to toddlers these days). Both say information but in very different ways.
Then think about what your DC was asking, did they just want to talk but you swayed it to fit a more 'intelligent' slant for those passing by?

Really? Talking loudly enough for everyone within a couple of metres to hear you is loud.

😂😂

No It’s not performance parenting (I hate that phrase, it’s normally describing good parenting) and how you answer your daughter’s questions is nothing to do with anybody else. After the guys comment I would have said very loudly… Another lesson for today darling, that over there is what we’d call a twat, they can come from any country and unfortunately they’re everywhere.

We are supposed to whisper to our children when they are out? Because anyone passing me within a couple of metres would surely hear my conversation.

Ok, so now we aren’t supposed to ask questions of our children? You know it’s the best way for them to retain knowledge?

If we can only do it on a school day, are these designated across the U.K.? I don’t want to get it wrong and pick the wrong day.

If other people notice you all the time yes it's too much of a show off.

I recently saw a woman trying to have a similar conversation with a child who couldn’t have been more than 3 about a painting in an art gallery, the kids wasn’t interested and I was cringing for her. The conversation about chess wouldn’t have meant anything to your child unless she could actually see the pieces and surely just saying the bird was from Australia would be sufficient for your daughters question?

Sounds like it.

Due to the fact that you picked up the fact two seperate couples reacted.

You did get a bit complex with the chess question though.
Reminds me of the story of the child who asked where they came from. Parent goes into an in depth birds and bees discussion. Afterwards child respond, oh as my friend Mary is from London.

I think it's too much of a coincidence that you garnered all those reactions in just a single day if you weren't being at least a little bit performative.

I don't think there's anything wrong with what you said. It's possible you were quite loud or something about your body language made it seem performative. But if it wasn't, then don't give it another thought.

Also, some people are loud and performative. If that is you, that's ok! Others will mock (I would probably have made the Henry joke to myself! not said it so you could hear which is quite rude! But I possibly would have some internal dialogue and judgement about you) BUT you just need to ignore them. Parent how you want to parent. We r all different and just don't worry what other people think. We all form judgements about others and have internal dialogue about other's. It's human nature. But other people's thoughts about you should not change you.

My sil is embarrassingly performative and loud and whenever we go anywhere with them we stand out and everyone stares because she's bossing everyone about, talking loudly, we r taking up space etc.. I used to die inside and hate feeling judged when I went out with her, but now I just accept she is who she is. People will judge me simply by being part of this loud brash group. But I'll never see these people who r staring and judging again, so I'm shouldn't care, and honestly, no-one should care about judgement.

Not so much what you said, but the way you said it, if people are rolling their eyes.

Perfectly normal to explain what chess is, a bit weird to quiz on Australia. Quizzing in a loud voice might look like you want to show others how much your DD knows. Just chat normally about Australia, where it is and what animals live there.

Exactly

You are talking loudly and looking around to see if anyone has noticed how super special you and amazing DD are.

Otherwise nobody would laugh at you and you wouldn’t notice if they did

I’m surprised that others could hear you so clearly as to have any sort of reaction to your interaction with your child and also that you noticed their reactions. Can’t say it’s ever happened to me and I can definitely be quite similar in how I speak to my children (albeit not half so long winded as your chess explanation… and it tends to be more led by them rather than asking a very small child if they’d like to learn how to play chess!), maybe you’re louder than you think?

Yeah, I'd think it was a bit performative and over the top. Every day, does not in fact, have to be a school day.

If your daughter is called Jocasta and/or you have a posh accent, then it is.

You must be exceptionally loud for two different sets of people to notice and react.

When I'm chatting with my kids while we are out and about I tend not to notice others either, so this suggests to me you were maybe looking about for a bit of attention.

Agreed. She didn't need a crash course on how to play chess she's 4, kids attention spans at that age are very short. The Australia convention wasn't actually a conversation it sounds like you were testing her which is also unnecessary.

Also I agree with others if you're so loud that multiple people can hear you then yes it's performative.

At 4 years old this is how they learn, if she pulled out an atlas and sat her down to study it at the picnic table, that would be performative.

My brother does the first bit - never just a yes or no. Poor kid has long switched off

Unless you were being really loud, no. My dad was like this with me. Ultimately it was a gift.

Not unless you were collecting glances for applause. But keep your voice down if other people’s responses are bothering you.

😂

Just out of curiosity, what were you expecting your 4 year old to say about the location of Australia??? It's in the Southern Hemisphere mummy? It's between the Indian and Pacific oceans? It's between latitudes 9° and 44° south, and longitudes 112° and 154° east, remember mummy?