Is this what you call performance parenting?

yes with the chess thing you gave your dd wrong information. I remember telling my very young children that the capital of Australia is Sydney and a couple walking past staring intently. Then I remembered it is actually Canberra.

You'd be surprised. Kids tend to zone in on an interesting topic and become a bit obsessed and mine at 4 was so into maps and continents, oceans etc.that they definitely would have answered southern hemisphere, and known what oceans it's by.

Kids are like little sponges, no reason not to feed their curiosity

The race to the bottom is so depressing!

Our dd is now a young adult & excelling in university. From birth we talked to her constantly. She was always with one of us & we just included her in everything day to day that we were doing

She spoke early & had an excellent vocabulary & still does.

We crossed paths in a gallery with an old lady who complimented dds speech when she was around 18mths old & told us she was a retired professor of peadratric speech therapy & that dd's speech & vocabulary were wonderful & in her opinion it was because we clearly spoke to her a lot & read to her etc. And that she could professionally tell the difference. She didn't know us & just stopped us as we were walking around

I can't believe there are posters here saying you don't have to bother as everyday isn't a school say. Or that they'd make the Henry joke if they'd heard the op. Why? Why would you belittle someone who is speaking to a toddler / tiny child?

I love children who are curious about the world. It's a joy. I'm less keen on kids who have no interest & are happy to pull wings off insects or legs off spiders (we encountered kids like this in dds primary school)

Anyway as a previous person said- when ops child is in university & the other people's children still think learning is uncool, the last laugh will be on them!

Keep going op & ignore them!

Sounds like you were being a good Mum engaging with your DD & taking the opportunity to teach/reinforce learning. Unless you’re doing it particularly loudly the other parties are rude for making faces etc. One of my go to distractions when DD is grumbling out & about is asking her what noise various animals make. I could probably be accused of performative parenting for this but it’s something she enjoys and avoids more whinging. If she doesn’t want to take part she simply says “no” or doesn’t answer, I’m not forcing her & neither were you in the situations you described.

And then spoils it all at the end with using a classist insult 🙄

This all sounds normal. I feel like people don't expect you to actually engage with your kids. I chat away to mine because they are interesting small people and I actually like listening to what their chat is. That might be being told all about the latest loom band craze. Or it might be answering questions about where the sun's energy comes from (both topics with my 6yr old yesterday). I'm not going to refrain from answering the big stuff.

Sometimes I think it's performative ignorance on behalf of the tutters. My kid recently asked me what atoms are made of while we were on a bus. I casually answered her (at normal volume) and the woman opposite us did a massive eye roll and said "really?" I just said "Aye, really" and smiled at her.

Sounds great to me. Some of my fondest memories of my late Dad are of him explaining to me as a young girl how things work (he was an engineer).
Absolutely nothing wrong with it. Children are like sponges at that age. Good on you.
Don’t worry about whether people can hear you or what people think.

No you are being a good parent and teaching through play. Children soak it all up.
it’s so normal parents sitting on phones while their children play that interacting with your child is seen as showing off.
I know which parent I’d rather be. No different than getting your toddler to count each step he walks up or down and playing eye spy with colours.

You’re fine @NotSoSlimShadee. Keep parenting how you want - they’re your children and your intention is to help your child learn.

And I applaud the parent helping children learn their times tables in a wood. That parent is helping their children learn something fundamental, helping their confidence in maths. Learning isn’t just done in a classroom by a teacher.

I find it bizarre we even have the term ‘performance parenting’ applied to a parent in helping their child learn. Education takes all forms and that includes parents teaching their child. It’s not just down to schools to educate.

So carry on, you’re doing a great job OP!

Doesn't this just demonstrate the point though? You feel the need to tell everybody how wonderful your children are and therefore what a wonderful parent you are!

I don’t believe both these examples took place on the same day (if at all) but if they did OP you can talk to your child however you want. I prefer listening in on educational conversations over parents screaming and swearing at their kids. It is no one else’s business.

It's the volume, not the content.

Ancient Greek, if you don’t mind!

Ancient Greek, if you don’t mind!

100%. That’s how my kids learned everything. Colours, numbers, letters, languages. As games, while we were doing stuff.

My mum used to do it a lot when they were small. We’d walk up the road and she’d ask them to name a letter or number in a car numberplate. Or the colour of a car. They’d get so excited (and praised) when they got it right. It built their confidence. My mum left school at 15, so limited formal education. But she’s inquisitive about the world and self-educated. It’s how her dad taught her. On walks.

Spanish is a good language for kids to learn young as it’s pretty phonetic. IME learning languages is best started young, before they can fully read or write, as they learn by ear rather than imagining how it’s spelt.

Maybe she’s a teacher. I have two primary school teacher friends who are in teacher mode with their kids.

I can't see anything wrong with it (as long as you weren't projecting dramatically). The other parents sound rather ignorant.

You keep doing you. Knowledge is wonderful.

Other people’s insecurities about how they engage their children aren’t your problem OP. (Do remember to tell DD it’s square ‘root’ not ‘route’ though 😂)

It's the looking around and trying to sweep others into your moment of joy that seems to happen on occasions. No one cares. We've all had children and really are not interested in yours. 😂

It could be the OP has had comments directed at them before and criticised for their parenting making them hyper aware of others judgement.

Tbh I think it’s less about what you say but more about the manner you say it that makes it performative - overly loudly, kind of glancing around to see if people are looking and body language in general, going OTT with things in a way you wouldn’t if there wasn’t an audience. It’s hard to describe but you know it when you see it instantly

I explain plenty to my DC when out and about but I doubt anyone would hear us in public, certainly not for long enough to roll eyes or mock, because I speak in a normal voice at a normal volume and I wouldn’t really be aware of random people around us were doing anyway.

I do know a dad who has a very loud voice and does get a lot of ‘looks’ when he’s booming stuff to the kids, but actually he’s always that loud, not just a performance thing!

I've always talked to my children like this. I spoke to them though, not to the room. Maybe some people are louder without realising it. My sister is awful for loud performance parenting. It's so cringe.

We aren't Spanish but pre-school have Spanish lessons and DD (3) LOVES them. She loves learning the language and is so proud when she knows the name of something in Spanish.

So we do ask, regularly, if she knows the word in Spanish. We are also having to learn it because we don't speak it. But when they love it, you encourage it.

See also the ‘my date embarrassed me by yodelling in a naice restaurant’ thread.

This is just so British. Speaking loudly enough for someone to hear you 😂. Must we all whisper to our children for fear of judgement?

I think I must be a performative parent. I am a teacher and I think I accidentally use my teacher voice while I'm chatting to my children and I would absolutely have explained the chess thing. I'm not sure I'd have thought to quiz on australia but who cares? I speak to him exactly the same in crowded areas or if we are alone so 🤷