Is this what you call performance parenting?

“All I’m trying to do is help DD learn in a non learning environment!”

It is a learning environment though. There is no such thing as a non learning environment. She would have been learning so much without the need for all that conversation.

Those people that laughed and commented are clearly idiots, but it is mad that it happened twice unless you were being loud? Not that that’s any excuse to be rude to a random stranger and their child…

Many 4 year olds can’t handle that much information in one go and they can’t focus on the answer either. It can be pretty overwhelming…

I personally wouldn’t have said anything about chess or the table unless she asked, and then I would have said a small amount of information about the game as it’s too hard to understand even as an adult who has no idea. With the bird from Australia I would just have answered her question. Not everything has to be answered with many facts and information… it doesn’t have to become a quiz either.

She may quite possibly have been annoyingly loud. She was not a show-off. Not everything that people do- not even everything annoying that people do- is done to show off.

Even if she was, so what? No excuse to be so needlessly nasty. God's sake.

It wasn't for no reason though, it was because she was being an insufferable loud show off.

Exactly!
I think leaping to that conclusion says more about the person overhearing than the parent talking

I can’t believe how many people are like ‘yeah possibly’. How dare people walk past and judge your parenting and smirk - that must have felt horrible to be judged like that. It is absolutely NONE of their business!

This. Such arrogance to assume that the only reason parents speak to their children is to stealth boast to passers by.

I first read this as you must be very proud 🤭.

The same is true when a young child makes comments to their mother about a passer-by: 'Mummy, why is that lady so fat?' They aren't deliberately sharing their opinion with the passer-by: nevertheless, it's potentially hurtful and should be discouraged. More so when it's an adult!

Technically they did keep their opinions to themselves they didn't share them with OP. She overheard/observed their reactions/conversation just like they had hers.

We could all maybe just be a bit nicer to each other as parents, and recognise that the fact that we can overhear a conversation or a parent's comment to their child doesn't mean that it's being made for our benefit 🤷

Also: I think that parents sometimes look around for others' reactions NOT because they're trying to show off or get admiration, but because they're anxious about being judged negatively. This is especially likely to happen if a child is whiny or restless or seems about to misbehave, The parent may then become a little loud in distracting the child, while looking around nervously. This doubtless sometimes makes matters worse, but is not being done to show off.

It doesn't sound as this was happening with the OP, but it occurs to me that the first episode of someone sniggering may possibly have (understandably) made her nervous, and therefore unconsciously a bit more intense in her subsequent conversation.

I overheard a man talking to his daughter in a swimming cubicle the other day. He was all "I'm so proud of you. Your stroke has really come on. It's great that you keep going even when it's tough." If I had thought that he knew I could hear him, I would have suspected performance parenting, but actually I think it was just a snapshot of good parenting, which happened to occur in a moment when I was trying to wrestle a five-year-old into a swimming cap, and answer a seven-year-old's 4 billionth pointless question of the day... so feeling quite irritable. The child that dad was talking to is usually there with her mum, so the dad probably has more patience left... Sometimes people might hear me talking me to my kids in a 'performance parenting' sounding way, but I am definitely too self-aware to try to impress people like that.

OP hasn’t been back. Yet another grenade launch. Chuck it in. Get everybody bickering. Stand well back. I know OP’s aren’t obliged to return, but it’s hard not to question their motives when they don’t.

Nothing at all wrong with it. My Grandad taught me at 4 and thinking of it brings back lovely memories of time spent together. Based on some people on here though it would have been better for the self esteem of other adults if he’d plugged me into something, in case good parenting/grand parenting exposed their insecurities and lack of knowledge.

What's wrong with that though? My son could play chess at 4. He's now 11 and really into it.

So what?

I think the fact that you offered to buy her a chess set at the age of 4 says it all!!
cue: “ oh my daughter knows how to play chess!!”

Yes, this. It's when the aim is to show look how awesome me/my child is. Maybe the manner you do it in is a little this way if people are laughing?

Kids need to accumulate and assimilate information, but if you want a smart kid, don't give them the answers, make them think of the possible answers using their prior knowledge. Don't be afraid to leave them in limbo while they go through the possibilities.

Recalling facts has very limited potential for academic success. Teach them to think, then watch them grow exponentially.

Since the day my son was born, I have always spoken to him as an adult. I just could not bring myself to "gaga,gugu" a bottle is a bottle not a "bot bot" dinner is dinner not "din dins" ect you get the gist. I was mocked and ridiculed and told I needed to speak to my baby in a child appropriate voice. I ignored everyone.
I'm now the proud mother of an 18yr old who is going to University in September to study linguistics and philosophy.

You do you. You explain and teach in your adult way and your clever little girl will grow into a clever, educated adult.

Surely a parent is best placed to judge their own child's level of interest?

I think if the child asks follow up questions and shows an interest then of course you answer them. But to launch into a full on detailed explanation of how to play chess is OTT, when most 4 year olds would have lost interest after the first sentence and will have moved onto something else!

Even if this was the case... who cares? Even if for some reason, parents were talking loudly for the purpose of what... hoping other adults would be impressed by them (which I can only imagine is rare), it's hardly crime of the century, is it? You'd still have to be a dick to

a) Care that much that someone is being "performative".
b) Be that certain that this is what is happening (rather than that the other person just happens to have a louder voice or whatever).
c) Think that being rude to someone out with their child, is an appropriate response.

Really, what's the point? The people being rude, paint themselves in a bad light, no matter what. But more likely, they paint themselves poorly... and are also wrong about what they thought was happening.

Pretty self-absorbed, to think that someone's interaction with their child... is somehow for your own benefit 😬

I talk to my child. Have done since they were young. Now that she’s a teen I’d say she is smart for it and holds down a conversation and is curious.

Most people don’t get to know their children - which is sad.

only thing is advice is ignore. Some people forget that children are humans that talk too.

Really? My child would have definitely wanted the more detailed explanation by 4. In fact I think he'd have wanted a more detailed explanation by 2.

I think it just shows how much variety there is between children of the same age. My son was having proper conversations with me before he was 2. I remember because we had a long train ride to go and meet a family member who was working at the 2012 Olympics and I remember chatting with him all the the way on the train and this lovely older lady leaning over to say how lovely it was to hear us chatting. He still looked like a tiny baby as well as he only had about 3 teeth