Sister in Law complaining about her kids' life although they are better off than mine

I remember a similar conversation with my SIL when her DD was in 6th form. How unfair it was that some of her friends got the EMA payment, and she couldn’t possibly afford to give her the £30 a week or whatever it was. Never mind that the threshold for eligibility for EMA was about a quarter of their household income, or that her DD had a car/phone contract all paid for by them, so they were effectively giving her at least that much a week.

“Oh no that must be awful for you all… remind me when you are next on holiday”?

I can't stand the self pity posts.I know someone similar. Not necessarily about finances etc she doesn't work but she has better finances than some. She's constantly posting on social media that she's a single mother and is apparently a better parent to her kids than everyone else. She's one of these that seems to look for validation via her socials. For example she can post a random camping holiday with photos of her tent set up and people will comment that it looks great have a lovely time and she responds with something like yeah not doing bad considering I'm a single mom doing it all on my own then come the comments of oh you're doing brilliant etc. she literally looks for validation. She's not the first and certainly not the last single parent on the planet. Pisses me off honestly

WTF is wrong with people? Id thank the lord everyday that Im doing well enough that I don’t need to depend on free school meals, food banks etc. I did as a child and I certainly never felt ‘lucky’!

I also totally get working your backside off in a stressful job and still scrimping at times to afford luxuries that the same salary would have stretched to years ago. Not defending her AT ALL but is this what she means maybe?

I would just avoid spending time with them. How often do you have to see them?

Don’t invite them round.

Same with my SiL, she did inherit a lot of money (couple of million after tax) when her kids were babies. Next step was a lovely house in Hampshire, private school, Caribbean holidays, tennis and sailing lessons galore, skiing at Easter, tutoring and Oxford Uni. Kids didn’t have to take any student loans and they have both received a considerable sum for house deposits as it is important for the to mix and live with the right sort. Always comparing her family to the wealthier Winchester parents.

Meanwhile the rest of us lived in the real world 😂

Now she has nothing to talk about.

Well hopefully that will stop some of the “it’s not fair on me” crowd

Stop seeing her. If you have to meet at family occasions, make sure you're with other family members, or play with the kids. Just nod and say nothing - she's a twat, as someone else has said.

It lasts till the end of the stage of education Ie primary school or secondary school. I won't lie it was covid times when my eldest started primary school and I'd lost my job so income was less than 7k so he will get free meals until the end of primary school.

I heard they're going to change it soon so eligibility is updated every September

Yes but some people complain that it doesn’t get updated so by the time you apply to university it can say on your application free school meals when your household income has been in the higher tax bracket for a decade and that application can get a more sympathetic grade offer.

But there is no point bemoaning if that is the system you are in you just get on with it.

So she wants all the advantages for just her kids.

It a change of mindset when you kids get older and money can’t solve all their problems.

If her kids want to go to the local universities they need to get the grades for a successful application, that’s all they have to do. But no you can’t buy that.

If her kids are struggling and suffering then as one of their parents she should be only focused on helping them surely not bemoaning how unfair she perceives their lives to be.

Are they suffering? Or does mummy have to face up to their academic limitations?

We’ve told our pampered teens if they fail at whatever they want to do it’s their fault. We give them all the love, support, equipment, experiences we can/they want need. So if they want their college/uni place they need to put some work in.

She sounds like her cup is always half empty or she's slyly moaning because your DC get free things her DC don't. Either way she's a negative nelly and I'd call her out on it next time she starts whining

It is insanity. You have to earn less than 7k for free school meals, that is less than ten hours per week minimum wage between two parents. It used to be 16k back when 16k wasn't even that low

Basically barely anyone even qualifies for free school meals anymore.

I wouldn't respond engage at all.
Let her complain into silence.

And end the conversation. Why engage in it?

Honestly, get out a tiny violin.

she sounds like she lacks self awareness.

say nothing, roll your eyes, and back away slowly. I’m around a lot of these people and honestly they’re just thick.

what a shame she can’t appreciate and enjoy what she has and chooses to moan.

Honestly, she feels like that and it’s a valid point of view. Maybe she feels that despite doing everything right she has been sold a lie. You are allowed to feel like that too. Your circumstances don’t mean that her point of view isn’t valid. Frankly the vast majority of us are a few steps from financial disaster (and certainly would be if the state didn’t step in to help) and the fact that people that are slightly further up the ladder should keep their mouth shut for fear of offending someone in poverty is part of the reason things are so shit for so many of us.

Tell her it's all about perspective. She can complain when she has to go to a food bank.

Is your SIL one of those people who thinks that people on benefits or on such low incomes that their children are entitled to free school meals are all living the life of Riley?

Tell her to give it a go if she thinks it's so great and that her children are currently deprived.

She sounds like a twat and I'd avoid her like the plague.

See yourself as disengaged from this nonsense, as if you are observing her from afar or as if she was in a Petri dish.

Laugh and say
Haha I think I am the wrong audience for that lament
News to me that you would rather be poor
SIL that’s ridiculous

I like this

Their money is likely not going as far as it once did, and because of this she feels like they are ‘skint’. Once you’ve signed up to expensive cars and high mortgages you can’t just walk away from the contracts and ‘cut your cloth’.

We earn a decent amount between us but have definitely felt the pinch this year and our lifestyle (although still lovely) is not as it was. I’ve been known to be annoyed at how much less we can make our wages stretch despite working harder and earning more than previous years.

She really needs to learn to gage her audience tho, and I agree she is pretty tactless complaining to you if you are struggling.

I think you need some replies and suggestions
Eg SIL could volunteer in a foodbank to see how badly off her dc really are.

Her dc could get paper rounds / Saturday jobs
SiL could take on more hours..

Recently i listened to someone complaining her child didn't get an summer internship because they were all aimed at disadvantaged, disabled, women etc and it simply wasn't fair on her privately educated white son... who is going to work at Daddy's firm for free now, so that's OK.

Oh what an awful thing to say. I wouldn't envy her children's lifestyle, as they have a self absorbed mum, which tends to cause issues at some point. Your children have a loving mum who knows when to keep shtum.