To ask if you were with your partner for 10+ years before having kids, how did things change after becoming parents?

Changed our relationship for the better, we had 4 in a short period of time with no help so we’re too tired to argue 😀 no seriously we both loved being parents, being the best parents we could, we loved our growing family. Division of labour definitely 50/50 although I was a SAHM for years now I work FT outside the home, he WFH so does more of the house/kids work. We drive each other crazy from time to time but overall we’re happy.

It was the toughest period of our relationship, I won't lie. We had been very equal and very independent beforehand and of course all that went out the window. We were both scared, but I had to get on with it whereas he had the escape route of palming stuff off on me available, and there were times in the first six months especially when I deeply resented how much my life had changed vs how little his had. It took negotiation and yelling and crying and trial and error to get us back on a balanced, equal footing.

I second shared parental leave - he spent two months at home with the baby after I went back to work, which was most instructive for him. I also screamed explained to him from time to time just exactly how it felt to be me, and the fact that I had the uterus hadn't in fact given me magical insight into the baby, I was learning on the job just like him. Let him step up and fuck it up. Everyone has to learn by doing with a baby.

It's ten-plus years on now and we're very happy and truly equal parents and a team. But pre-baby me would definitely have been shocked by how often, and how much, I hated him during that first year.

12 years before DC. Become boring, depressed and poor. Both are under 3 though so maybe things will change but for now we're holding on by a thread. I frequently fantasise about breaking up so that we can take turns having a break.

A long time ago, but. 10 years together, split when son was 18 months old. That was 16 years ago. Dynamic completely changed.

We split after another 5 years. He was my best friend for a long time but did not choose to adapt to parenthood and is ultimately too selfish. It was a horrible end.

It's been okay, and we're a good team. However he has really struggled with the withdrawal of my undivided attention and loosing the sense of being the most important thing. I am much less patient with times when it feels more like I have a second child rather than a partner than perhaps I was before. He still takes care of me.

Top tip: Do shared parental leave and get dad to do 3 months solo. It's balances all the relationships back out, and makes sure you don't end up sole carer.

All of the things I already knew were amplified:
How there is a huge unequal split of labour I'd say about 80/20 but that 80% is much more when you have kids.
How great he is with children.
How much he supports me even at my ugliest most broken of times.
Our sex life is in the bin currently with a 4 month old, compared to prior when it was, well very very good 😂
It's hard but imo worth it. I'm 3 kids deep and would like to keep him and them around forever.

Same for me. I knew DH would be an incredible dad and would step up, so I was completely confident that although it would be difficult at times, we would absolutely get through it. I was never sure about having kids but DH always wanted them. Took me a long time to get off the fence and I'm so glad I did!

We were together for 16 years before DS came along. I think it helped get us through the tough bits as we knew we had a solid base. The things that DH was crap at before he is still crap at! But I think that knowing each other so well, and as PP said being older parents, meant we had no illusions. It was still hard when sleep deprived but we knew it would get better eventually. We don't regret having DS at all although it has changed our lives.

I think it depends on your relationship tbh.
We'd been together about that long, very happy together, but crucially, very independent. We did our own thing but happily did stuff together. Once a baby was in the mix, some of the things that weren't problems became problems. Such as him sleeping all the time, going to the gym four times a week (what's the point of me being awake/in the house, you're just breastfeeding). I really could have done with a lot more support but that was his life not changing and that stuff hadn't bothered me before.

We muddled on through but once he started lobbying for baby 2 I had an honest conversation and laid out that he could not sleep in my hospital bed after a traumatic c section, or lie in until 11am. We're still here, 20 or so years later but I definitely don't feel the way I did before kids.

Hey OP ..
I was only with my partner 3 years & decided we wanted kids , young & in love, & incredibly naive 🙈 , didn’t t work out too well for me , that’s the way it goes 🤷🏻‍♀️..

Together for 10 year’s, & you’ve mentioned how happy ye are, so then I’d be thinking this is the next chapter in your life & it will be amazing ☺️
Best of luck x

We had a child after 9 years of living together and I left him 2 years later.
All was seemingly fine before having the child, as I did not resent taking care of everything because for me taking care of stuff for him was showing him love.
After 2 years of taking care of everything + taking care of our child, I realized he would never take care of me.
Split and we have been amicably coparenting, so far.

It was nice. We've always done better with a joint project! Plus we received a deluge of pre loved baby stuff as everyone else had reproduced already, and some of our slightly older friends were keen to practice for being grandparents.

On the down side we are now 52 and 58 with a mega stroppy nearly teen.

My DH were together for ten years before we had kids. Our lives were changed completely but I don't regret it.
I think being together so long means you know each other really well and have plenty of child free memories to fall back on when you're sleep deprived and need to remember that you like each other!