To think my friend should set her standards higher?

You're the friend, aren't you? Are you seeking validation that your life choice is OK? Plenty of people have told you that's it's your choice, nothing to do with anyone else. Not that I expect an answer.

OP said her friend does not want children and he left her to deal with everything to so with the abortion herself.

And? She can be single for the rest of her life if she chooses. It’s not a bad thing.

You do realise you don’t have to accept misogyny don’t you? It’s why some of us like to call it out rather than just sit back and accept it. Or repeat it. It’s why more and more women are standing up and saying they are happy being single. Or would rather be single than just ‘settle’. Even studies support single women are happier than married ones. Maybe OPs friend will feel like that eventually if she ever finds herself “dumped for a younger model” as you and OP see it.

Now it’s you projecting whilst previously accusing others of doing it.

Why?

He doesn't want a commited relationship.

Not just with your friend, from your OP. You said he has 'never wanted a relationship"

What's 'pathetic" about an adult not wanting a romantically commited relationship?

And he's been completely honest about that.

So what's 'pathetic' about someone not wanting that?

Yes, it must be troubling for you when your lack of comprehension is highlighted.

The OP literally says that the man doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone.

And has not led the OPs friend into thinking in any way, that they are in a relationship. The opposite in fact..

Yet you said the OPs friend had an "upsetting abortion where her male partner left her in the lurch"

What do you think you're reading? Because it's not on the posts on this thread?

You said pathetic in your OP.

"AIBU to think she’s wasting her best years with him, he’ll never commit, and she’s wasting the chance to find someone to settle down properly with? I have told her this but she laughs and says he ‘makes her laugh and is good in bed’. I just think it’s a bit pathetic and am worried she’ll end up 50 and alone when he meets someone he’s actually serious about"

After saying he'd told your friend he didn't want a relationship and never would.

So what were you saying was pathetic if not her and her involvement in a relationship with a man who has been clear from the start that he doesn't want to be in a relationship?

Yeah I’m bored of recapping OP’s posts now so I won’t be doing that any more. They’re freely available if you want to read them.

Nope. Saying that I have personal experience of feeling differently at 39 than I did at 35 is not the same as saying that I disbelieve her now, or at all. And I agree she can’t make a decision based on hypothetical future feelings. You’re arguing with the air honestly, I haven’t made any argument about what she should do other than be realistic that women’s situations change as they get older, and that no amount of branding biological reality as sexist will change that fact. I’m sorry you don’t like it. I don’t particularly like it either.

The friend doesn't say the man is her partner in life.

In any way.

From the OP initial post.

She say she knows ,"he doesn't want a relationship but if he slept with another woman or was speaking to one with that intention, she'd be done and he'd be blocked'

'Neither of them have slept with anyone else for years'

So they're in a situationship. Which the OPs friend is well aware of and has never considered him to be her partner so what OP thinks he should do or what she thinks her friend should want as a relationship are irrelevant.

He's been clear, and the OPs friend knows that.

It's the OP wanting to project her ideas on the relationship which is problematic.

He's never pretended to be a partner or has the OPs friend expected him to be.

The OP thinks it's pathetic that the friend seems to be happy or at least accepting the relationship that she was aware of from day 1.

Yes she is completely wasting her time long-term. But she isn't looking at it like that.

Billy Joel’s “my life” springs to mind

I don’t think that a) piling in on a woman who has supported her female friend through an upsetting abortion when her male partner left her in the lurch and b) repeatedly attempting to gaslight her about her perception of a situation that she has personal experience of and we don’t, is quite the victory for feminism that you seem to think it is.

@ThatNimblePeer I think suggesting this woman may have regrets about not having children if she finds herself single at 50+ is not believing her. (The OP has stated more than once her friend does not want children). Yes, she may end up with regrets. This can happen to any of us with any big life decisions. But it doesn’t mean she should choose her relationships now based on something that may never happen for her in the future. For starters it’s not very fair for her to date men who do want children when she is seemingly quite certain she doesn’t want them. It’s just an utterly ridiculous argument to make in this situation.

Continuing to parrot the tropes of misogynistic men, and telling women to just accept it as reality, is not a good look.

OP received backlash so attempted to dial back and rearrange her narrative about being concerned about a friend being taken advantage of when the first several pages were all about how pathetic her friend is and the title itself is about the low standards her friend has.

And how sad it would be to be 50 as a previously beautiful woman and single.

I see you and your misogyny OP..

I haven’t said anywhere that I don’t believe her. I don’t know her. I know we’re talking about things that are very sensitive for a lot of us as women, but the amount of prickliness, defensiveness and projection on this thread are pretty wearying, honestly. I do know from my own experience that it’s possible to feel in your 30s that you’re not that fussed about children, then discover as 40 approaches that you feel differently. Equally of course some women will feel in their 30s that they don’t want children and continue to feel that way. If that’s OP’s friend’s situation then great. If she is currently putting aside the possibility of having children because she is prioritising her relationship with this man and he doesn’t seem to want them with her, he may have the option of changing his mind later and she will not. As we all know.

Declaring that she should be considered equally dateable at 50 as she is at 35 won’t change the fact that many men don’t see it that way. If you don’t want to date sexist men then clearly that isn’t a problem for you, but based on what OP’s friend has been willing to put up with from this bloke, it’s less clear that she’s the confident self-sufficient woman you are. OP’s post is about trying to protect her friend’s happiness, not yours.