To think my friend should set her standards higher?

So it’s not possible to be decent and single at 50? Divorcees? Relationship ending? Just never
meeting the right person? Never prioritising dating?

It’s just that you can’t be a decent person if single at 50?

You sound very young OP

Well. Any woman of any age shouldn’t waste any of her years on married men. But you still can’t stop someone if that is what they choose to do. Anyone using the term ‘best years’ has a misogynistic take on it.

If a woman is wasting years on someone and wants children then of course that is an additional factor, but that’s to do with fertility. Not being the ‘best’ years. And this doesn’t apply to your friend anyway.

Being concerned about a friend staying with a violent man is completely different to being concerned about a woman ‘wasting her best years’.

You didn't say that.

At the beginning?

You said they've been sleeping with each other for about 15 years and about 4 years ago, she had a man interested in her who you thought was a nice man wanting to give her a committed relationship.

And friend possibly thought that her years long sexual partner might become jealous and offer her a committed relationship.

But he didn't.

And friend still ended it with the 'nice' man (your opinion) but also said 'she hated him coming over during the week and going to bed before her' and in your opinion 'I do get we're not all the same and she doesn't want a traditional relationship'.

But you keep posting about how she absolutely wants a traditional, committed relationship with the man that she's consented to have a non-,committed relationship with for 15 years because you can't possibly conceive of a woman wanting to do that without being pathetic, having low standards and wanting more.

You can't understand how that could be the reality so are constructing scenarios where your beautiful friend is so desperate for a committed relationship with this man that she's living a half-life of frequent nights of drinks, playing darts and pool and sex

And that she must be being taking advantage of by the man who's told her for 15 years he doesn't want to be a committed relationship with but really enjoys their fun nights and presumably, does care about her but doesn't want to be her life partner and responsible for her life or emotions?

And you think that what your friend and he have is pathetic?

What rubbish, I go out a lot and older people are always getting together, my mum was getting propositioned all through to her 70s before she died. It’s a very misogynistic view to assume her best years will be wasted.

I think it’s the layers of misogyny and judgement towards her friend many have taken issue with. Being worried about a woman ‘wasting her best years’ is not reasonable concern if the woman is not concerned with this herself.

How is that me putting words into your mouth? “Well all the decent ones probably are” are literally your own words.

He isn't taking advantage of friend since as you say, he's said for 15 years that he doesn't want a relationship and friend knows that and knows it so well that she has told you that.
.

Friend hasn't said that.

OP projects that.

Then stop being so egocentric and understand other people don't have to want what you want and you shouldn't attempt to project what you want on other people..

Grow up essentially.

It's an emotional skill most people have mastered in their 20s.

Your delayed development shouldn't be projected on others
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OP, I’d give up, no one is actually understanding / cares about what you’re saying!! It’s not that difficult. Friend has fwb but wants committed relationship but not getting that. Cue reasonable concern/ worry from OP about her friend.

Op. Stop. You are judging her by your own values/desires.
I’m a widow since I was 47. I had one friend in particular who, after a year or two, kept asking ‘when I was going to get out there’ and seemed very concerned that I was on my own. As if there were guys lining up to date a middle aged women with two primary school aged kids. I hated the inference that my life was somehow not complete, or I was missing out, or that I would be lonely in the future. I’m 63 now and as it happens I have not met anyone, not even on the basis that your friend has. Am I lonely? No. Am I missing out? No. Double no in fact listening to my friends complain about their husbands!
Stop making her feel that not being in a relationship YOU approve of is somehow a bad thing.

Have to love how OP got called out for misogyny and saying her friends non-commited relationship is pathetic and suggestive of internalised misogyny so then attempted to flip it into possible misandry.

"No, I didn't really mean she's pathetic having a non-committed relationship with a man that's always said that's all he wants, HE is pathetic not wanting a commited relationship that he made it clear he never wanted because...

what? men should want a commited relationship with a beautiful woman? Because?

You can’t think of any reason why a decent man might be single in his 50s or 60s?

So if you're not the friend, then I can only think you're envious of your friend's autonomous lifestyle. Nobody is this invested in somebody else's love life.

Oh no apparently not. According to Op and others, if she hasn’t found someone by the time she’s 50 then that’s it. Her attractive years are gone and she’s destined for a lonely life with just a cat for company. There’s supposedly no decent single men left by this age, all taken I presume.

If she doesn’t want kids then it doesn’t matter surely? What years is she wasting?
She can enjoy being with him now and then if it does finally end then she can meet someone else at 50 or whatever age.

Because he doesn't want to be in a commited relationship with all the expectations that YOU and others expect of that.

He doesn't want that.

He doesn't want to act like you expect as a partner because he's made it clear he doesn't want that kind of relationship.

He and anyone else, can choose to have exclusive sexual relationships without that meaning a commitment or that meaning they should 'show up" as a commited life partner in the other person's life.

Are you so narrow-minded that you can’t understand how people can have a relationship based on sex and fun and liking each other without being life partners?

And understanding how it's possible to want a relationship based on that and not more?

You can not want a commited life partner relationship and still only want to sleep with one person because you like them and enjoy the relationship

Your views on relationships are so strange and old-fashioned