Splitting costs 50/50

It's not fair that you pay half when you earn less! I earn more than DH by at least 30% and we budget based on an equal amount of personal spending money each and everything else into the shared pot. To me, that's fair.

And if you get divorced, you’d probably end up with more than half of what he considers “his” if you earn less and have more of the childcare burden. So perhaps he should start thinking about that now.

He’s a prick and I’d be telling his parents the bit about him expecting you to cough up half of the bathroom cost.

Seriously, people like this do not get better. You’d be better off alone, at least then you’d be in control of your budget.

50/50 can work but it really isn't fair in your situation because it only applies financially which obviously suits DH but not you. If it's 50/50, it needs to be applied across the board which includes cooking, childcare etc.

This is not a marriage, this is a loan shark.

Tell him you’re not paying him a penny. What’s he doing to do?

Goodness me, how tight-fisted of him! I’ve been married 13 years to a man who earns twice what I do. We don’t have a joint account. There’s no way he would ask me to pay a percentage towards any expenditure. I do give him something towards holidays and home renovations etc but it’s all off my own back.

He wants 50/50 then divorce and more likely you'd get 60/40 in your favour!

I just don’t get (thankfully) how relationships like this evolve:
David ‘Can I have your half for the bathroom my parents gifted to us.’
Martha ‘don’t be so blooming stupid.’

he’s my ex now for other reasons, but it wouldn’t have occurred to him to not completely share ‘his’ money with me once we had dc. It’s just bonkers and not even a discussion.

Well he's an arsehole isn't he?

Why exactly is he so militant about everything being 50/50 when it comes to finances but not parenting and house work then, what's his excuse?

I'm going to guess it's because he works longer hours and if thats the case, tough shit. You don't get to benefit from the perk of his job (more money) so why should he benefit from the perk of yours (more free time)?

Wow! Thought my exh was tight but this is a whole new level!

We do 50/50 and all other money is our own. I know in Mumsnet world this is considered outrageous since we have kids but works for us. Neither one of us would dream of committing to a big joint spend without discussion. And the idea of trying to get him to pay half of something I didn’t even pay for in the first place is madness. He’s an arse OP. Tell him to piss off.

You should tell him you’ll only pay for things you approve and can afford. Otherwise tell him you cannot afford it, however if he wants to buy it then it’s up to him what he spends his money on. Totally unfair OP. It sounds like a business partnership and not marriage.

Exactly this. We have one joint account and pool everything. DH has always significantly out earned me and it’s never been an issue. Because we’re a team and because we communicate.

Tell him NO.

If he earns 60K and you earn 40k then you pay 40% of costs, and he pays 60% of costs.

Or better, the whole lot goes in a central pot, and you have equal monthly 'fun money' and a shared savings account.

Also, renovations need to be agreed on by both parties or they don't happen.

Wtaf OP! ‘D’H can jog on! As in, fuck off! Honestly that bathroom fuckery would probably have me at LTB - it shows that he doesnt care about you at all! You’d be much better off and happier without that horrific man

What are his parents like? I’d get the half you apparently owe him, and try and give it to his parents seeing as that’s who actually paid for it. I wonder what their reaction would be if you told them their son wanted you to pay half the money for the bathroom

That’s horrendous!!

we paid childcare proportionately. He paid 66% of the fee and I paid 34% as that reflected our earnings!!!

also a gift from his parents that he trying to charge you for. How cruel

No, OP, you pay proportionate to take home pay. Full stop. And you also do not pay anything for a purchase you don’t agree with or can’t compromise on.

My DH earns 50% more than me so pays 50% more than me.

Just seen also that his idea of 50/50 doesn’t manage to trickle down to parenting and housework… what a surprise… not. Sounds like a right catch.

Are you married?
Are you on the deeds?

This is madness. There is no way in hell I would agree to this.
Bill him his half for your chef / housekeeping / childcare services. Surely he owes you half of a standard surrogacy fee for your baby carrying services?

OP he is financially abusing you. This is not normal and you don’t deserve it.

He’s got the new bathroom he wanted paid for by his parents and now he’s looking for half from you? So he’ll actually be in profit? Hell no!

Men are out here having the time of their pretty lil lives. Women doing all the 'wife work' and paying half or all the bills for the privilege. They're on to a good thing.

This is the perfect response.

You’re meant to be a family unit and you earn significantly less so of course you shouldn’t be left with nothing trying to pay “your half” never mind being billed for things for the family home that have been gifted entirely?