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AIBU?

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Original poster

to find this rude…

83 replies

curlygirlietwirly · 30/05/2025 16:10

Our new neighbours have a child who my son plays with outside in the communal garden. Today the mum came to ask me something, my son opened the door (he’s almost 12) and shouted for me that Nadia (fake name) was at the door. By the time I’d got to the hallway, she was inside my home almost in my lounge!! She entered my home without being invited and I felt really uncomfortable, as I’ve only met her once before shortly after they moved in a few weeks ago…
Am I BU to find this rude???

If so, advice on how to tackle this!?!?

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 31/05/2025 09:56

he probably did invite her in, or at least gave the impression she was welcome to enter

Jellyrols · 31/05/2025 09:53

Door chain is an excellent idea.
She was very rude to do it, you are not wrong there.
Her card would be marked for me and I would avoid.
People lacking basic manners are best avoided.

SidekickSylvia · 31/05/2025 09:40

There's no way I would've walked into someone's home in that situation. Surely most people would wait outside?

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 31/05/2025 09:28

I wouldn’t have gone in like Nadia did.
It also wouldn’t have bothered me if someone did that. Definitely not to the point to feel the need to “tackle” it/them.

sleepylittlebunnies · 31/05/2025 09:24

If this was the mum of one of my DC’ friends, especially a neighbour, then I’m sure my DC would invite them in and stick the kettle on. That’s what they’ve seen me do. If someone was almost in my lounge they’d be stood in my hallway, which would be fine, as long as they’re not a complete stranger, especially if DH and I are both home.

If you’re not keen, then I’d teach your DC to politely ask them to “please wait there while I get my Mum”.

Wasteddaysanddays · 31/05/2025 09:10

Back in the 70s and 80s it was always a thing that you don't go in to someone's house until they expressly say 'come in'
Every single time. Doesn't matter if you have known them a week of five years. There are many reasons you don't want a neighbour, or even a friend just waltzing in to your home.
There may be one or two friends that you have told to always come through but that is best friend level.
London women didn't like being door stopped because then they couldn't have a nosey around. Sometimes they were quite put out.

Floatlikeafeather2 · 31/05/2025 09:07

curlygirlietwirly · 31/05/2025 08:48

He didn’t “let her in”, he opened the door and shouted for me that she was at the door for me

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So she then pushed him aside, strode in and "almost" entered your lounge? What are you hiding in there anyway?

Original poster
curlygirlietwirly · 31/05/2025 08:54

@Evaka thank you for your compassionate reply, this is a good idea!

OP posts:
Evaka · 31/05/2025 08:53

Im sorry you grew up in a scary place OP. Doesn't sound like Nadia was launching a home invasion but maybe get a door chain if this left you feeling so uncomfortable and in need of coping strategies.

Original poster
curlygirlietwirly · 31/05/2025 08:48

Renabrook · 31/05/2025 08:47

Well my child lives in the same house we do so if they let somone in i don't see it different to of us

He didn’t “let her in”, he opened the door and shouted for me that she was at the door for me

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirlietwirly · 31/05/2025 08:47

@CorrectionCentre thank you for understanding my perspective! I grew up as a child in an area that wouldn’t be considered “safe”, someone you have only ever said hello to entering the house would warrant a panic!
Our home is ours and our children’s safe space, the neighbour is essentially a stranger as we know nothing about her at all!
We would also talk at the doorstep for a brief interaction and wouldn’t be likely to have a lengthy one anyway as we usually all (adults) keep ourselves to ourselves, even if our children play outside together

OP posts:
Renabrook · 31/05/2025 08:47

Well my child lives in the same house we do so if they let somone in i don't see it different to of us

Original poster
curlygirlietwirly · 31/05/2025 08:44

@JMSAnot sure why this snippet of the sentence is funny, but I’m glad you’re having a good day x

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirlietwirly · 31/05/2025 08:42

Gogodonu · 31/05/2025 08:08

Aww are you just an ikkle tiny girlie whirly

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Yes @Gogodonu, is that ok???

OP posts:
ClearHoldBuild · 31/05/2025 08:41

I wouldn’t just walk in but I also wouldn’t have my child answer the door.

JMSA · 31/05/2025 08:40

“Almost in my lounge” 😂

CorrectionCentre · 31/05/2025 08:37

EuclidianGeometryFan · 30/05/2025 18:55

This.
Teach your child to say "Please come in, I'll just get Mum", for anyone he or you know even a little, or alternatively for complete strangers "Please wait a moment, I'll just get Mum" then to shut the door so that the stranger can't enter.

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I disagree. Simply knowing someone a little doesn't mean they are a safe person. Do you teach your children it's ok to get in a car with someone they "know a little?" I hope not. Why is it ok to let them into your house?. What if you're not home? Is there a different rule? Again, I hope so.

CorrectionCentre · 31/05/2025 08:28

FinallyHere · 31/05/2025 08:05

Interesting how it’s the neighbour who is being considered ‘rude’ in an area where there are so many different legitimate ways to react while the child who clearly opened the door and at least enabled the neighbours behaviour is not even mentioned in the equation.

Well one is a child and the other is an adult for starters.
There's not going to be a unanimous consensus about a situation like this because we all have our own boundaries and tolerances. And these will all have grey areas and nuances based on subtle differences in the nature of the relationships.
I'm one of those people that dislike surprise visitors and feel protective of my home environment. I know plenty of people that are completely different. Open house, the more the merrier, "drop in when you're passing" type of people.
Neither is right or wrong, just different.
If my neighbours call round to ask a favour or to tell me something, we chat on the doorstep. I wouldn't ask them in and wouldn't expect to be invited in when I pop over to ask/tell them something or handover a parcel etc. Seems to work well and is a friendly and supportive place to live.
If a child has been playing at my house ('playdate') and a parent calls to collect, then I'd invite them in. Just an example of the grey area.

But my default for a ring at the bell, would be doorstep initially because it's likely to be a brief interaction. If it transpires to be different, I can choose to invite them in.

Without an express invitation to come in, I would never enter someone's house, and I taught my dd that.

Gogodonu · 31/05/2025 08:08

curlygirlietwirly · 30/05/2025 19:18

@tuvamoodyson I mean I’m tiny, I wouldn’t even stand a chance to move her if I tried 😂😂😂😂

Aww are you just an ikkle tiny girlie whirly

FinallyHere · 31/05/2025 08:05

Interesting how it’s the neighbour who is being considered ‘rude’ in an area where there are so many different legitimate ways to react while the child who clearly opened the door and at least enabled the neighbours behaviour is not even mentioned in the equation.

Penthrowingsurvivor · 30/05/2025 20:05

EuclidianGeometryFan · 30/05/2025 18:55

This.
Teach your child to say "Please come in, I'll just get Mum", for anyone he or you know even a little, or alternatively for complete strangers "Please wait a moment, I'll just get Mum" then to shut the door so that the stranger can't enter.

Show quote history

you are far too reasonable and sensible to post on AIBU 😂

tuvamoodyson · 30/05/2025 19:35

ginasevern · 30/05/2025 18:09

"I just felt really uncomfortable and so did my husband"

Unless there was something decidedly dodgy about Nadia like she was drunk or stoned or I happened to be in my underwear when she walked in - I really don't think most people would be that uncomfortable about this. I mean, you kind off know her, she isn't a complete stranger or a door to door salesman/Jehova's Witness or something. Was she touching things in your living room or having a good nose around, or was she just standing there waiting for you?

…or Nadia was in hers! 👀

Original poster
curlygirlietwirly · 30/05/2025 19:18

Thanks for all the responses, I suppose it’s just how we were brought up!!

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirlietwirly · 30/05/2025 19:18

@tuvamoodyson I mean I’m tiny, I wouldn’t even stand a chance to move her if I tried 😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 30/05/2025 18:58

Up here (Yorkshire) people tend to knock and walk in.
I don't mind

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