Loud parenting in public spaces

That’s what I’m saying. It’s not everyday stuff that we are all doing. It’s to say ‘we are considerably better than you’.

Exactly. Based on this thread, performance parenting seems to be generally defined by the offender mentioning things like ‘kale’. That most of those who are reporting these awful offences are also deciding to give these children assumed names such as Tarquin and Jocasta there seems to be an awful lot of inverted snobbery going on.
For all that people are saying that the difference is obvious, the examples given are generally clearly mostly about interpretation and perception.
Now I’ve come across many a loud show off in my time and many an exhaustingly perfect parent (they often like to eulogise about the fact that their child is now 8 and has yet to be subjected to the horrors of refined sugar). BUT based on this thread, I’m suspecting that performance parenting has been invented by the sort of person on here complaining about it. It seems there are an awful lot of rather intolerant and rather insensitive inverted snobs here! Someone so appalled by another mother asking for Kale soup when playing cafes that she had to text her mum’s network to bitch about her. Lots of rather nasty stuff here today.

Talking normally to your child in public = teaching them vocabulary and about the world

Performance parenting = teaching your kids it’s ok to be loud and obnoxious in public

I think the people we are referring to are like this anyway, but just are now parents. Loud voiced people who talk about themselves a lot. Often found shouting into a phone on public transport or dominating work meetings. Annoying people reproduce and become annoying parents.

One thing I've been trained to do, as an early years worker is not to constantly pass information to a child, but to get them to notice things and figure things out for themselves. Ask questions, or say open ended things like 'I wonder what that means..' then have a dialogue. If they stop responding then it's your cue to shut up too. You could still talk to yourself a bit in a way they can hear, very simple narrating but just a little 'I'm getting a ticket now, let's wait for the green man' etc.

I personally don't like the 'parenting' verb, it's not a role you play its the relationship with your kid. If you are at the park with them then you are at the park with them, not 'parenting'. The fact that people think it's something they are actively doing implies they switch it on and off, but it's a constant thing.

It's the tone of voice that's used. I wouldn't think that you'd be explaining the genus of various fish species long and loudly. Verbally or in sign language.

Because they were crouched down explaining loudly to Hubert and Pubert what the scanners do, how they’re going to go through this then go and get a yummy croissant, you like a yummy croissant, don’t you Hubert? Pubert can have a rice cake as he prefers rice cake and he had some carrots with his lunch, but you didn’t so you must have some crudités when we get though. Ok, let’s have a look at these scanners we showed you, you can go through when you are ready,

🤣🤣🤣

See mumsnet normally complains about parents who screech ‘Oi ged ere now!’ in the supermarket but this sounds 1000x more infuriating

I did hear/see one Mum recently doing some loud parenting, in Tesco express one evening.

Lilydarling was being adjured to 'Help Mummy look for the broccoli'. "Can you see it Lilydarling? Is it there?" "Is that it Lilydarling?" "Have you found it Lilydarling?" Lilydarling was staring at the apples.

No problem with that, per se- except Lilydarling was all of two years old and her mother had left her in front of the vegetable section while she perused goods, out of sight, on another aisle, so was using the loud conversation as a kind of location klaxon.

Generally I think if you're bellowing loudly enough at your child that others can hear you from the other end of a shop (museum/gallery/cafe) then you're probably performance parenting. If you're just being bright and chirpy that's different.

I’d rather they let them go on phones if it means they’re quiet. Now my kids are grown and I’m a bad tempered menopausal mess I can’t stand the sound of kids or performative parenting. God knows how I’ll cope if we ever get grandkids.

I understand, I've got autistic children too.

It's difficult to describe if you haven't seen it but performance parenting usually comes with a combination of things where to do one or two of them is normal but to do all of them at once is performance parenting. The person I was talking about earlier also does a lot of name dropping about expensive places they have or will be going to with, like just randomly saying "so darling, what was your favourite ride at Disney world" when they went ages ago and nobody else was talking about Disney, rides, theme parks etc. Also making rude remarks about other children e.g. "I'm so glad you don't behave like that darling". Or "spending time with those children makes me thankful mine aren't like that".

I get you, OP, our NDN's have got a 3 year old and the performance parenting at full volume makes me want to throw something over the fence. They're older parents, and terribly indulgent. It took them an hour to persuade him inside the other night for bed...... I nearly yelled GET TO BED YOU LITTLE SHIT for them! The worst part is that she's heavily pregnant and there's going to be 2 of them to praise constantly. We're using our garden an awful lot less than usual because I just can't sit and listen to it.

You are not unreasonable at all. I get hugely annoyed by loud/performance parenting. Example: you go to the GP, you're waiting in the waiting room, a parent with a toddler comes in, toddler starts building a tower or whatever. Toddler makes a bit of noise, all good, kids will be kids, no problem. But the parent just can't leave the toddler alone. 'OH WELL DONE JAMIE! LOOK AT YOUR TOWER AND HOW HIGH IT IS! DID YOU WANT THIS YELLOW BUILDING BLOCK TOO JAMIE? DOESN'T THIS TOWER LOOK LIKE THE AMAZING ONE YOU BUILT LAST WEEK? OH AREN'T YOU CLEVER NOW YOU'RE ALSO BUILDING A BRIDGE! LOOK JAMIE WHEN YOU'RE DONE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY WITH THIS TRAIN!? THAT'S REALLY GREAT JAMIE I JUST LOVE THAT BRIDGE YOU'RE BUILDING IT'S BRILLIANT JAMIE' ... and on, and on, and on it goes! The child is is lovely, but the parent just won't shut up and has clearly never learned to use their 'indoor voice' argghhhhhhh (I don't say a thing. Soon enough, or not, the GP will save me ...)

Yanbu. I’m at the airport and a family took ages to go through the security scanners. The staff were shouting at them to move forward and they were completely oblivious. Why? Because they were crouched down explaining loudly to Hubert and Pubert what the scanners do, how they’re going to go through this then go and get a yummy croissant, you like a yummy croissant, don’t you Hubert? Pubert can have a rice cake as he prefers rice cake and he had some carrots with his lunch, but you didn’t so you must have some crudités when we get though. Ok, let’s have a look at these scanners we showed you, you can go through when you are ready,

😂

Actually I did hear a parent in a cafe berate a child for the marks they got in a test once. That wasn't pleasant listening.

It doesn't seem to be discussing actual results much at all, from what's been said on this thread.

@Sugargliderwombat deal but let’s make a day of it and hit as many places as possible, maybe a park, cafe and soft play 😂

It’s because they are never saying ‘oh, you got five out of twelve on your spelling test, that’s even better than last week, well done’ because all children have spelling tests and most can get less than 50%.

God yes, we saw this last year. And it’s also painful watching and hearing parents trying to teach their kids to swim in completely the wrong way. Telling them to swim doggy paddle, keep their heads up out of the water or hold their breath when they do swim head down. Usually whilst in armbands.

The worst was a dad berating a kid of about 4 years old and then saying to his mum really loudly “why are you telling him he’s doing well? He’s absolutely rubbish! 😟

People with booming voices in public generally are awful. There’s always someone with their kids, all in a shop gobbing off loudly. People don’t seem to be able to speak to their kids in a normal voice. No one cares if it’s their first time on a bus. You don’t need to announce it. Just get on it. You’re not the first person to be a bloody parent.

Last night out for a pub dinner and a couple were not only talking weirdly loudly to each other but their bored sausage dog kept letting out a short but ear piercing bark every 5 mins. All everyone could hear was them. Then there’s my noisy neighbours, screechy kids, door slamming adults. Ugh.

Just go away loud people 🖕

It's the names that are the giveaway it seems. If the child is called Jacasta, it's 100% PP, no question. It never seems to involve a child called Sarah.

Preferable to those dunce-tier walking lobotomies who scream things like “Febreeze, fuckin’ gerr’ere NOW!!!” while holding a vape in one hand and a phone in the other.

Unfortunately this did happen – pretty much word for word... She then went on to ask if the 5 year old wanted to "play doubles tennis on the weekend with papa".

The child couldn't have cared less about Georgia O'Keefe, long division, or playing doubles with papa... and it was fairly obvious none of it was being said for the benefit of the child (which is very different to what a lot of people are talking about on this thread – I have zero issue with a parent narrating to a child, explaining something to a child that the child is clearly interested in, or talking to a baby. I think that's just good, engaged parenting.)

Sounds like these people are talking to your children. Do you prefer to ignore yours?

However the vast majority (if not all) of what people are describing on this thread is simply people talking loudly. So what is the difference?

Then you haven’t seen it. 🤷‍♀️

You don’t need to understand it before you’ve seen it. I’ve only seen a handful in my lifetime tbf.

I saw some at a university open day.

‘this is the first time you have ever been on a bus! How does it feel being on a bus for the first time? You’ve never needed to go on a bus have you?’ Etc.