Loud parenting in public spaces

Backtoreality1
spot on

They are so loud I think the next row of houses down can hear them! Commentating on everything in sight to their kid in a very exaggerated tone and congratulating their kids responses - think that equates to performance parenting! Different from normal engagement with children. Some people just like the sound of their own voices I think!

I was suprised at how annoyed I was today with a mother and her child. I have 2 DC of my own, DH and myself found ourselves in a cafe on a very rare occasion without the kids. This mother was loud and at the top of her voice, saying things like “just EAT” “STOP it!” Her child ate a hot chip, started to scream at the top of her voice and cry and I was like, why are you so noisy?! But then I had to stop and wonder how much noise do we make as a family out and about? But I certainly try to keep it down and teach my children to do so as well.

I think maybe people thought I was doing this today, but my DS swam for the first time without arm bands on and I was so unbelievably excited I couldn’t keep it in. DH was at the other side of the pool with our baby DD and I didn’t want him to miss it.

I hate to think people might have thought I was showing off, I was just really proud and I wanted DS to know it.

I know what performance parenting is and I find it very amusing but I think many on MN think that if a parent is loud enough to be heard then it MUST be performance parenting.

Like the example in the OP. I doubt Timothy's mother was doing anything other than chatting to Timothy. A Lego tower is not worthy of attention from anyone else.

Performance Parenting is specifically when a parent wants everyone else to know how superior they are. In the Lego example, the mother would have been saying "What a wonderful SUSPENSION BRIDGE, Timothy! Jocasta, can you remember when we saw the Clifton Suspension Bridge? Who built that, darlings? Timothy, do you think you could build another of Isambard Kingdom Brunel's bridges next?" The mother would want to show off her children's niche knowledge.

Just having a chat with your kids is not automatically Performance Parenting just because the mother is loud and annoying

Whilst I get some parents are very obviously performing, I didn't think the op's examples sounded that bad, was it just that they were loud?
You also have to remember that there can be reasons why some children need more support, encouragement and input than others so it might seem they are being praised highly for something very small, it may actually be very big for that child.

I worry how noisy and antisocial people are becoming in public generally. People used to have better standards.

I've always thought the Loudly Performing Parents do it because, in reality, they don't actually spend that much time engaging with their child. They over compensate for the fact they likely work very long hours, or palm the child off to an au pair/nursery etc, or boarding school etc.

It always sounds so very forced and artificial, like the parent has no idea how to just casually chat with their own child, or just sit in a companiable silence with them.

For whatever reason, they haven't built that easy, instinctive bond with their child, where you can communicate just with a glance or a quiet word.

I dislike noisy people of all ages. I dislike them all equally.

This thread makes me depressed about people’s comprehension skills.

So fucking what?! He was having a private conversation with his child.

Honestly this whole thread just makes me depressed because it highlights how grossly intolerant we are of parents and children. And then we wonder why our young people are growing up to be antisocial, unable to tolerate stress and performing poorly academically.....

I have definitely performance parented. When my son was learning to speak he loved to point and trucks and say “truck” except his speech wasn’t clear and he swapped the “tr” sound for and “f”. I went around for two weeks loudly proclaiming “well done! It is a truck!” So people didn’t think I’d taught my kid to cuss at random strangers. 🤣

Lol you have literally no way of knowing whether it’s just “fake public role-playing” on every occasion.

I have a loud, accented voice (not RP) and not the best hearing. I am sure people think I “performance parent” all the time. I don’t care. I expend all my energy trying to keep many balls in the air and raise well-rounded individuals. I can assure you that many of those who people class as “performance parents” don’t even notice you watching and listening (and judging).

Are you depressed OP? Happy people don’t typically respond like that to people just going about their business trying to be kind and supportive to their kids.

If you’re feeling low, hence the bitterness, you may find it better to seek some support yourself. A bitter life isn’t a good life.

Still no excuse to say ‘yummy croissant’ though 🤢 🤣

Have you read some of the comments and attacks people are making here on engaged parents? Someone had to audacity while playing cafes in a nearly deserted playground to ask her daughter for some kale soup (apparently it should have been ice cream) that so infuriated another mother that she then texted her group of Mum friends to tell them what an awful mother this woman was - for mentioning kale. And this was apparently 5 years ago. So they really held on to the rage this kale liking mum caused.
Another was enraged by a father trying to interest his child in ducks when he should have left him to trying to eat a stone.
If you want to call me offensive and attacking for calling out these people for being rather pathetic and mean spirited, I don’t particularly mind.

As a nursery school manager you should do better.

And have chosen names you like which others think are too posh?

Yesterday, we were walking down a very posh street in Marleybone and a dad was walking with a toddler DD. Dad was wearing the trademark middle class salmon shorts. They were looking at window displays at home furniture shops and the dad was talking to the toddler about…..wait for it….feng shui! 😂😂

Maybe the rest of us just don’t judge others, or even notice?

I think it's actually when you have the audacity to parent while having an RP accent?

Always with children who have names you would never consider for any child of your own.

When the person watching you says it does apparently.🤷‍♀️

@fungibletoken I think that's different though, if she was interested in flowers. That woman sounded really rude!

My instinct would have been that she was joking?

Sadly she wasn't.

She's visited on more than a few occasions and she and her husband are never any different.