Loud parenting in public spaces

There really is a difference between a conversation with your child and performance parenting. I’ve always engaged with my daughter (not loudly and not over the top) but there are some that are so cringe to listen to! By all means I’d rather that than someone on their phone the whole time, but it’s so grating when you know it’s put on!!
Another one I find annoying is over the top “telling off” when it’s not necessary, for everyone else’s benefit. For instance, a grandma was telling off a 3 year old loudly up and down the aisle, that he should like to share his things and he’s not nice to not share. Might just be a difference of opinion but that type of thing is just as annoying

Hideous. I’m on holiday at the moment. It’s so lovely and peaceful until we’ve got the “oh Aoife baby (🤮) you are just soo clever. Oh baby look at you. Oh babeee” whilst looking around waiting for people to comment. Followed by “Oh baby boy, you are just gorgeous ( he’s not) oh we ALL love you”. (We don’t). Thank god the bar sells DOUBLE vodka and orange at a cheap price. I’m ready to slash my wrists with a paper straw

Cambridge is infested with them.

I always think when those kids can finally talk, their first words will be SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I'm dumb, as I thought performance/performative parenting was when a parent loudly chastised a child (in order to somehow convey that they're really good parents by putting boundaries in place in front of others).
I think I know what you mean, though.
In my town, there seems to be a lot of talking to offspring in a loud, carefully enunciated, explanatory feedback.
So, when little Mabel or Luca does a (non) amazing thing, this is loudly announced in an enthusiastic, singing song voice that would wake the dead.
I don't really do faux enthusiasm with my DC, but I do have to monitor my volume: I have a mainly 'kind', but booming voice worthy of a 1980s teacher, so I consciously monitor my volume and that of my twins.

I agree! Even my own kids (now 18 and 22) comment on it to say don’t parents teach their kids and themselves about ‘little voices’ esp when in public?! Can’t bear it, esp in supermarkets when everyone in surrounding aisles have to listen to what they’re having for dinner and what they need to buy! 😒 when I speak to my kids in public, be it a restaurant or in the plane or just on public transport, no one but my kids hear me unless you’re truly trying to eavesdrop! No one needs to hear but my kids so why shout it out?? Really gets on my nerves..

Oh for goodness sake. Can’t win. Don’t engage - you’re a terrible parent and probably sit your child in front of an iPad all day. Engage and talk to your child - you’re performative and annoying.
How about you stop judging and mind your own business.
You miserable person.

Wow you really can't win can you 🙄 ignoring your child to look at your phone; wrong. Engaging with your child and god forbid, praising them in public; also wrong.

I must be performance parenting then I suppose? I constantly talk to my speech delayed child about everything we see, as I’ve been encouraged to do by a speech therapist ‘loudly and clearly’. Always nice to add another thing on to the list of things to be self conscious about. Thanks OP 🙄

My daughter has speech delay and is gestalt language processor, so it helps her understand and aquire new language if we do performance parenting (speak clearly and with intonation). I try to put my daughters needs first and not to stress about what other people around are thinking, I do get how it might sound annoying though.

Exactly.

But how does one know the difference if we’re taking about observations of strangers? I don’t think I could tell in most cases. Some, yes.

I totally get this. I was in Costa and there was a mother on the table behind me testing her son on his spellings. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great that she’s supporting his education and engaging with him, it’s just the volume that is annoying! lol.

Everyone's got something to say....
Talk to your kids.... You are an arsehole
Don't talk to your kids... You are an arsehole.
Deal with your kids behaviour... arsehole
Leave then run wild... arsehole

Do you not find it hilarious?

One of my children is disabled, pre-verbal and has poor hearing. You probably wouldn't know this from a brief observation of him. I always speak at a slightly raised level, very clearly enunciating my words and narrating everything he does, trying to engage him.

Threads like this always remind me that sadly, although we like to imagine we're just going about our day alongside nice, normal people who are minding their own business, actually there's usually some ignorant dickhead or other who's sat there judging us while we just try our best to support our child.

Not a very nice feeling when it occurs to me. But then I'm sure experiencing "rage" at random things that don't impact you is probably quite shit as well. You don't sound very pleasant and it appears to be affecting you more than the people around you.

I don’t think those examples are performance parenting, I talk to my toddler all the time when we are out, I try not to be overly loud just a normal conversation level but I’m sure people will occasionally overhear. I’ve even said “yes that’s like granny’s car isn’t it” when he’s pointed to one (and yes it’s a Range Rover 😂😳). It is for no one else’s benefit I’m just engaging with my child.

I'm sure some of the people doing this are just performing. But also, this thread could very well be about me, speaking loudly and clearly to my speech delayed, hearing impaired child. I'm not sure you'd know the difference

Not just me then!
Children are young, not deaf 🤣

Dd is often very chatty and likes to ask lots of questions. Sometimes, particularly on the way home from a long day out, when I'm tired and my mind is wandering I'll catch myself over-explaining something I realise is outside her understanding and probably sounds a bit twatty. I might look up reflexively then to see if anyone is listening but out of self consciousness. I expect that seems performative.

Love it. My antenatal friend let her 12 month old choose what flavour yoghurt to have as pudding,

I do t have children but will often take my young nephews/ godchildren etc on days out and I think I am probably guilty of being a bit like your first example in my interactions with the. I’m an early years teacher at a special school and my default mode when I’m with small kids is to go into Mrs Tumble mode, I find it hard to switch off when interacting with kids in my real life too! I don’t mean it to be performative it’s just the way I am with kids, I probably am over the top and probably do put an educational slant on things sometimes too but it’s not because I am showing off in front of people, I’m exactly the same behind closed doors with kids too! Some of it is probably just my personality, to be honest I find it odd when I go places and there are people with young kids not interacting with them. At the park the other day and I was pushing my 2-year-old goddaughter on the swing and we were making up songs about going high etc and I guess being loud, on the next swing was a man pushing similar aged child and both were completely silent, no interaction and he was stood behind her so not even looking. I found that far weirder and sad for that child compared to a child with an interested loud attentive adult!

Wow reading some of these comments I’ve probably been thought of as performative at times!

I’ll go by whatever my son (5) is interested in at that moment, I don’t do it for anyone else just him and try and tune into him.
Example from school run last week - son started practicing his number bonds to 10. 5+5 etc while scooting on his scooter
I kept asking what else makes 10, to keep him thinking about it and then shock horror praised him?!
it was quite loud, he was scooting fast ahead of me!

On another occasion he decided the pavement was lava apart from some markings, which were bridges we played the floor is lava all the way to school me following his lead.

We do stuff like this no matter who is around.

Posts and views like this make it so much h harder as a parent to do what you need to do be connected to your child and not have to worry about judgmental views.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t!

If you’re not doing that for the approval of others then you’re not performance parenting, so don’t worry about it.
It’s obvious when you see it.

It isn’t obvious though. Because myself and other posters are saying we’ve been incorrectly accused of it.

Must have been a Mumsnetter - cause god forbid you actually want to have a conversation with your child it means you're just performing for everyone else!