Loud parenting in public spaces

What an incredibly judgmental thread this is. As someone from, and in, a loud household we all tend to have voices which are louder than average. I am sure when I’m talking to my child people can hear me, and that’s OK because

1. we’re in a public place
2. toddlers are unpredictable movers and sometimes commentary on their whereabouts and actions are necessary to inform others around us
3. people are really bloody judgmental and sometimes you do say things loudly to let people know you’re on it (the amount of people that think my toddler is going to bang his head on everything and let out an audible gasp is tremendous, but I don’t mind because hey, they care about him)

just let people get on with their lives and stop judging/ caring - it’s more on those of you who it gets under the skin of, there must be more to think about!

Either way why does anyone care? If you really think they're doing it just to be performative why can't you just block it out? If it was someone shouting, swearing in front of your child fair enough but other than that other people talking is just background noise to the world we live in. Who gives a shit.

I say all this as a quiet person who doesn't talk loud at all so not feeling personally attacked also I'm the furthest thing from being posh but someone said it's especially annoying if it's with a posh accent? Which just reeks of jealousy and bitterness

There isn’t anything to demonstrate or prove that’s what the mum was doing or intending… if anything it could just be that the op is easily annoyed and made it about her. Performative judging, if you will!

Hilarious! A new episode of Amandaland maybe? 🤣

Its not about praising a kid for his lego. Its about making sure everyone else is listening to what a wonderful parent you are.

People just want to judge for anything these days. Looking at your phone while with the kids? What a shit parent! Engaging your kids? Too loud and, of course, must be for show!

chuffing hell… going onto a forum to complain that a mum praised their son for building a Lego tower. What is that all about?!

Sorry but what even is this thread? Who gives a shit about people talking loudly in public/to their kids etc as long as they're not swearing/talking inappropriate in front of kids who gives a shit? We share the world with other people it's not healthy to get this worked up over nothing. Sorry peaceandquietand a cuppa I'm more responding to the poster you quoted not you just couldn't be bothered to scroll through and find their comment.

But "especially the posh ones" just sounds bitter, jealous and resentful to me, what someone deserves extra vitriol just because they talk like they have more money than you? 😂

Couldn’t agree more with this. Parenting is hard enough without worrying you’re being judged for interacting with your own child in public. Very sad thread this is.

I don’t have any issue with people talking to their kids. I do it myself. What I have an issue with is how loudly some people do it.

I’ve just come back from a hotel and there was this family absolutely shouting across the lobby at each other - mum and dad, “OH GIVE ME THAT BAG DARLING, NO THAT ONE! I’M GOING TO THE TOILET!!!” etc and of course the kids were shouting too. Why can’t people just talk at a normal volume and try not to impact others’ environment?

This thread seems to have a defensive bunch of people who don’t get it. Talking to your kids is lovely. Just try and use your “indoor” voices, K? 🤣

I think this is the issue. I work with people like this. It smacks of entitlement - “my voice is so important”. Not to do with being a parent. Just being an entitled nobber who loves to shout (kids or no kids).

I think you need to loosen up and relax a little, we share the world with other people getting irate over every little thing other people do isn't great for your mental health.

The examples given are not a big deal at all, thugs/drunks/drug users loudly swearing and talking inappropriate in front of children would actually be irritating of course

Oh god I think I'm probably perceived as a performative dog owner.

And then everyone clapped!

It's not nice to feel judged but honestly, imagine what an unhappy, inadequate person you would have to be to look at parents (mums, in most of the examples given) interacting with their kids, trying to engage with them or teach them stuff, and to be silently seething or "raging" as per the OP because you think they're a bit loud.

You sound like a great mum. Anyone who is going to judge you for talking to your baby is not a person whose opinion you need to worry about.

This feels really unreasonable to me. I've never heard of performance parenting before but I try to talk to my 4 month old as much as I can, to expose him to words and language and keep him stimulated. I obviously don't have an endless supply of things to talk about so I often just talk about what I'm doing, the scenery we are walking past, what's on the shelf in the supermarket aisle, what baby might be thinking about, etc. I'm now worried that other mums might be judging me for doing this when I'm out and about!

You sound so pleasant. I'm sure it's the parents who are the problem and it's not just you being intolerant, nosy and judgemental. Definitely.

Very sadly that happened on the bus yesterday, and exactly as it happened. So be as snarky as you want.

Yeah, you pushed that story beyond the realms of believable at the end there...

Equally as irritating are the parents with, what I call, "flag babies." I was with my 4 y/o DD on a bus, and a lady got on with a pram. The baby was asleep- I could see into the pram. At the point she sat down, she loudly started cooing and making "ssssh" noises at the sleeping baby...she then got the baby out of the pram, swinging it around wildly...sort of cradling the baby. Whilst she did this, she was looking at everyone else on the bus, grinning and lifting the baby into our line of vision. The baby woke up and started screaming- she then jumped up, and paced the length of the bus singing, but waving the baby in various people's faces. Seriously, we could all see the pram- and there were lots of other children on the bus. It seems bizarre that In order to be looked at with the baby, she swang him around like a little flag. The poor little guy was asleep until she started the performance.
Come off it...it wasn't necessary. The worst thing...another buggy tried to get on, but she wouldn't move her pram 1 inch sideways. But she shouted at the other mum "I'm not moving. My baby is more important than yours."
Bus driver intervened then.
But wow....what an awful performance.

Except… this is very nearly an actual conversation I have had with my kids. Bridges were one of my DS’s hyperfoci. He would have been silent at the time so you’d think I was boring him, then corrected me quietly hours later with “that wasn’t a suspension bridge mummy, it was a cable tied bridge”. And if I don’t speak very, very clearly he doesn’t notice me speaking - that’s ADHD.

Some of us just have those kids!

Challenging people who are being rude to you (albeit in a cowardly, indirect way) is not remotely comparable to trying to make people interact differently with their children. Not sure what the laughing emojis are about, like you've had some kind of "gotcha" moment.

Or maybe they’ve been speaking / engaging with them all day and have decided to give the kid 30 mins on an iPad so they can drink a cup of coffee in peace? We’re all trying our best

Yeah same. I sometimes say “shall we go get a coffee?” or like “okay, let’s go home!” or sing him a song (quietly). They literally tell you to do this, emphasise it’s the most important thing to do along with reading etc. People do look at me like I’m nuts to be fair. Can’t do right for wrong really

It’s when they’re loud and looking around to check others are listening for me… clearly strangers are the focus of what they’re saying and not their kids.

Hey! I had the same thought too when I read this thread! Doesn’t help that I have a very loud voice too!

But I’m not going to stop it, I think it’s what’s best for my kids and if you feel the same, I don’t think you should either. Sending love and solidarity!