Loud parenting in public spaces

Meh, I find it annoying but it doesn’t give me the rage. Everyone’s just trying to get through the day. A lot of performance parenting stems from insecurity, I don’t think judging parents helps anyone. just be kind.

I’ve been a performance parent at times, because I was so depressed and anxious about parenting plus exhausted and no sense of hearing from my baby screaming all night that I was wound up pretty tight and probably talked too loudly, but it was that or stay home and sob in front of my toddler. I so desperately wanted to do the right thing.

with perspective now I get that I was annoying. I was just doing my best. I’ve also occasionally been the shouty parent with out of control kids at a supermarket that me pre children would have judged, I’ve also had strangers come up and compliment me on how well my children are behaving.

parenting is a humbling experience, the bad days are awful, just be kind.

I am of a similar age to you OP and I notice this nowadays.

Some people seem to be desperate to be viewed as amazing parents, performing for an audience.

I was recently in a supermarket where a father was endlessly speaking very loudly and unnecessarily to his young child in the trolley seat. Clearly not a natural with the child, it was awkward and very fake. Eventually, the child began to cry, loudly. Dad clearly did not know how to handle this, just stopped talking and ignored the child for the duration of their shop! If you were going to engage with your child, you'd think that when they are crying would be the time to do so!

I was at Tesco, waiting to put my blue token in the slot for charities. Mr Performance Parent was in front of me.
"The RNLI is for people who rescue those in distress at sea, darling. Do you know what distress means? Cue long explanation.
"The breakfast club is for children whose parents are too poor to give them a nice breakfast like you get, darling. They wouldn't have avocado on toast and granola like we have"

Etc etc

Resisting the urge to slap him, I said "Excuse me" and put my token in the slot otherwise I've no idea how long this palaver would have gone on.

I occasionally have concerns that people out and about think I’m performance parenting 🤣

The reality is, my 2yo has the attention span of a gnat, and is not afraid to show it! So the choice is listening to me waffling on, or hearing my child whinge, moan and occasionally scream. I pick the lesser of the two evils! I try to not be loud about it and parent discreetly sans humble brag because I don’t like drawing attention to myself, but it’s inevitable sometimes as kids are loud.

It’s annoying/irritating but causing ‘fury’ is totally OTT

What I also find amusing is that they don't seem to realise the people/person they're putting on the performance for, know it's all fake!

I bet half the time it isn’t fake though and people are just being unnecessarily judging and making shit assumptions.

When my dd was a baby, my friend commented with surprise that I was talking to her like she could understand. I replied that no one knows whether or not she can understand, and she never will if I don’t talk to her.

I think I might be one of those parents who is classed as performance parenting…maybe?

I didn’t realise talking to my kid, praising them was seen as a bad thing. I honestly never do it for anyone else and parent the same at home. Maybe I need to stop as much when I’m out the house

My youngest nephew is profoundly deaf
He prefers his hair in a longer style, because he's self conscious of his hearing aids
I have to call his name quite loudly to get his attention, get him to look at me and over enunciate so he can read my lips/recognise the letter sound I'm making
I stop my girls playing to show them the 'signs' for animals/fish whatever as we're going around places too, because my nephew is expected to lose what little hearing he has left eventually and I don't want them not to be able to communicate
People look sometimes and it used to bother me, but I'm not explaining anymore, he's very aware of his disability already
Couldn't give a flying fuck if people like you find it annoying anymore tbh

Sitting in cafe having a nice quiet coffee. Woman comes in with a 5 year old and immediately started with the most ridiculous performative parenting I’ve ever had the misfortune to witness…

looking a drawing of flowers her 5 year old had done “oh I can see you were influenced by Georgia O’Keefe in the expression of the flowers. Should we explore more Georgia O’Keefe works darling?” 🙄

then there was much - very loud - talk of long division.

meanwhile her 5 year old was throwing a tantrum because she finished her babyccino.

I’m on mat leave and bored out of my tits most of time. I sometimes chat to my baby in the pram because a) it’s someone to talk to and b) people keep telling me if I don’t talk to him he’ll be mute until he’s 25 and it will all be my fault.

What I also find amusing is that they don't seem to realise the people/person they're putting on the performance for, know it's all fake!

Just communicate with your child normally, instead of checking there's an audience to perform to.

Your kid will thank you for it once they're old enough to know what you were up to.

Interacting and engaging with your child(ren) can be done without the loud, performance element.
I agree it is annoying and not everyone needs to hear. They're generally either competitive parents or those who little darlings can do no wrong.....

Took the words out of my mouth

I discreetly eye-roll.

Yes but this has nothing to do with performance parenting?

You described it perfectly!

Performance parenting drives me nuts. Parents being involved and chatting with their kids is great. Parents who loudly talk to their children in a performative, perpetually educational manner, as if they are their teacher, drive me nuts. It’s like they can’t just have a normal conversation with their own kids.

I'd much rather hear people engaging with their child than screaming at them that they're little shits which is what I thought this thread was going to be about from the title. 🤷‍♀️

I work in a museum and a mum and dad came in with their child in a buggy - who couldn't have been any older than 18 months.

The child pointed to a painting of Henry VIII and the mother said very loudly "Yes that's right Edward. Do you remember when we watched that programme last week and you enjoyed it so much, you wanted to watch it again?"

Then without missing a beat, she looked me straight in the eye and said, "He's interested in the dissolution of the monasteries at the moment".

My face was like >>> 😳 and then >>> 🙄 >>> but quickly turned to >>> 🤣 once they'd left.

Over indulgent, performative parenting. Only slightly less irritating than gentle parenting no parenting.

I was someone that chatted any (hopefully) stimulated my young kids all the time. But i NEVER did this loud performance parenting. Nobody else needs to hear you other than the children.

Why’s it performance parenting vs just speaking and encouraging their children. You really are damned as a parent if you speak to your child, dare to look at your phone, tell your children off. Basically children are still to be seen and not heard.