Loud parenting in public spaces

I get it's frustrating but I saw a Mum ignore her baby for almost a whole hour whilst she was on her phone in a coffee house. This kid was babbling, laughing, put his arms out, crying... trying all sorts and mum just wasn't engaging. He just gave up in the end, even his toy fell on the floor and she didn't pick it up.... broke my heart a bit, I nearly went and picked up the poor little thing myself...

There's a lot of assumptions in there about what goes on in somebody else's head.

A friend of mine got accused of something like performance parenting when she was in the US because apparently her accent (standard English accent) was too artificial.

At least the kids aren't on screens and are doing Lego instead

That is fucking hilarious 😆

I don't doubt that there is such thing as 'performance parents' There are also parents who cba to even look at their kids whilst they're out who are the most likely to be rolling their eyes at parents and labelling them performance parents for interacting in a positive way with their kid

I would walk around the supermarket singing or chatting to my child in a sing-song voice when she was a baby for her benefit. I couldn't give a shit what total strangers think of this. I'm not hurting anyone and my daughter is one of the top readers in her class so I'm in no doubt that I gave her what she needed

No idea what you have on me, I’m ‘old’ish’. But, you would love me as well don’t mutter under my breath. I loudly score it like gymnastics at the Olympics giving a score out of 10 for different performative aspects. I figure if we all have to be subjected to that hogwash, then it’s only fair.

Ooh I'd have bust a gasket at that! Did anyone tell her to STFU?

Parents of young children get used to a certain level of noise at home and get used to projecting their voices.

I don't know. Some people talk loudly without being aware of it. I am used to being called shy and quiet from when I was a child and was stunned recently when my mum asked me why I always talk so loudly. I asked dh about it and apparently i do have quite a loud voice. I had no idea.

To be clear I have no issues with parents engaging with and talking to their children (even if it’s a bit loud) - that’s just parenting.

when they are very loudly proclaiming their 5 year old was influenced by Georgia O’Keefe in the middle of a quiet cafe (with the child showing zero engagement with the conversation) it’s another thing entirely.

Of course it’s not put on for a specific person it’s put on for the world at large. It’s annoying, often damaging to the children and designed to make the parent feel better about themselves. There’s a misplaced sense others will feel that they are doing a good job whereas 99% of people are shaking their heads.

Again, Google is widely available...

And if you don't fancy that, the copy and paste upthread will explain what performance parenting is.

Hadn’t heard of performance parenting.

Think sometimes active parenting makes people feel insecure about their own parenting if they wish they were more engaged/less shouty, so they are mean about people putting in effort. Or trying hard.

Agree with the others- better to be a try hard I think than a a parent who is lazy. For the child that is. suppose the volume is key here- if you’re disturbing everyone else in a public space then it’s not ok.

This. I remember people giving me funny looks when I was talking to DD1 when she was a tiny baby when out and about, as if I was unhinged to do so. Just normal chatting at a normal speaking volume and not a performance. She would soon babble back at me.

I feel that some younger and less confident people don't talk to their kids as much when out and about due to embarrassment and self-consciousness.

I dont get this either. I probably do performance parent by other peoples standards but I try and talk as much as possible to my baby to help his vocabulary and encourage him to build confidence and be happy. I try and be happy and lighthearted and smiley when we're out and about cause why not, he makes me so happy.

Christ you cant win. If I wasnt engaging with him, ignoring him, being negative, shouting at him I'm sure other people would be complaining about my parenting.

If the conversations are private why are they being broadcast at the tops of voices for everyone to hear?

One of my neighbours does loud performance parenting in the garden most days, also gentle parenting where she likes to get the children to basically scream by her screaming to express themselves. The dad (a PE teacher) also shouts and swears it’s like chav central.

I don't really think praising your dc's lego model is really performance parenting, I think that's just normal parenting. I doubt they are trying to show off with that.

Why present a false dichotomy? It isn't a choice between ignoring your children and performance parenting.

Uggh if there is one thing I can't stand it's people complaining about performance parenting. Do people have nothing better to do than listen to private conversations of people they don't know and know nothing about and judge them? It's so arrogant as well. Why do you think you are so important that anyone would put up a performance for you?? Why do you think anyone cares what you think of them?? And cares enough to change the way they talk and interact with their kids. Just mind your own business.

It's not like we don't face enough criticism and judgment as parents as it is. I guess, people love to judge and make themselves feel better and parents (other parents, of course), especially mums, are an easy target. I'm sure you can find better and more deserving targets for your spite and vitriol though than people talking to their kids.

Have you been through peri-menopause? It makes you feel like you're going mad sometimes, little things that barely annoyed you before can become amplified x 1000!

There’s a marked difference between engaging with your DC in a normal voice, versus acting as if you’re on stage with a large audience - so people the other side of Tesco can hear your voice projecting the BAFTA winning performance of DM/F of the year.

YANBU OP

Well done on being able to use Google, and more so showing us all how great you are at it. Performance Googling perhaps…
Now please go back to the OP’s post and show us where (certainly for the first example) these are examples of performance parenting.
Engaging with a child to congratulate them on what a marvellous attempt they’ve made at building a lego tower is called parenting. That it irritates the OP is incidental and certainly doesn’t sit under those characteristics you’ve highlighted.

Woman who lives near us does this. Her son is the same age as mine.

My boy turned round to me one day when she was talking to him and said 'Mum, why is she talking to me like that?' LOL Didn't know where to look, although he was right.

Yes loud parenting and children are irritating, as are other people generally, oh and whinge fests - like this thread.