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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ground DD for a week

180 replies

Starfire2000 · 30/05/2025 11:44

Last night DD13 had a meltdown. By the end of it, she had pulled out a handful of my hair, kicked, punched and scratched DH, all while screaming the house down.

I'm at the end of my tether here. I've canceled her friends coming over this weekend as a punishment, and removed her phone and all access to other devices.
My MIL thinks I'm being to harsh, as we suspect Dd is on the spectrum. I don't care, she cannot be allowed to behave like this. AIBU?

OP posts:
Arrearing50 · 30/05/2025 11:58

@Starfire2000 ive got two autistic dds, one of whom attacks when melting down. I don’t think the actions are wrong but the language is - she needs a screen and friends break as she’s clearly overwhelmed, so it’s for her sake, not punishment.

a red line is always a red line - when she’s in a better place, have a sit down with her and ask what would’ve helped avoid that - what can you put in place for next time she feels like that?

did you and dh try and get in her face or does she come after you?

Original poster
Starfire2000 · 30/05/2025 11:57

I should add we are very adept at dealing with DDs outbursts usually, and in order to pre empt this one we even both took the day off work. She was due back from a school trip that we knew would challenge her comfort zone. We made sure the house was quiet and calm, cooked her favourite dinner, let her chill in her sensory swing and then stroked her hair for 2 hours while she watched a film she chose. She was fine. Until it was time for bed and then she exploded. I think it's unacceptable for her to use me as her punch bag.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 30/05/2025 11:50

Know this OP a lot of kids on the spectrum have a very hard time or little control over these outbursts. It does get easier and there are forum here for SEN teens etc where you can learn tips but only you can say whether this was a reasonable punishment.

personally I reserve punishment for my DD16 who has AuDHD for actual rule breaking not for her occasional meltdowns she has no control over.

There are many triggers and reasons.

Coffeeishot · 30/05/2025 11:49

I don't know about a week of grounding but maybe some quiet time at home decompressing might help her, fwiw it isn't any of Grans business.

Loveduppenguin · 30/05/2025 11:48

I don’t entirely agree with grounding as such and the other thing I don’t really think works is giving a “timeframe”. I would go with something more along the lines of you will get to do XYNZ when you can show me that;

  1. you are sorry for what you did.
  2. You can show me that you understand that what you did was wrong .
  3. You start to show some more respect for us, etc
  4. And whatever cause the meltdown that she can show that going forward, she will try and work with you instead of turning it into a battle

In saying that if you think she is on the spectrum, then you will need to tell that approach according to her and her needs. And if you do think she’s on the spectrum, it would be worthwhile getting her assessed so that you can have a better understanding of what tools you both need to avoid these situations.