Nieces BF buying her expensive things

My ex bought me expensive gifts and took me to expensive places (I could never have afforded them). Our relationship became so toxic (for numerous reasons) and very unequal. I ended up in therapy and suffered stress for years after (we have kids so there will always be a link I can’t permanently sever). Today I would rather be bought a bag of chips by someone nice over an expensive watch by someone pretend nice.

Not saying that’s the case here but flashy presents or big gestures would be a turn off for me now.

I totally get what you are saying - I am a cynic too. We would not be surprised if a person she dated were bad in every respect, and said 'ah, typical nasty men', but when a guy turns out nice AND SOLVENT - we are worried. This is a sad state of affairs, but sometimes women get lucky breaks and meet lovely AND SOLVENT people. Don't spoil it for your niece - she seems intelligent and not money-grabbing (bueno in the park). Don't spoil it for her.

Yes - when she’s told him she doesn’t want them - and he insists. INSISTS. That’s clear from the OP and it’s a big red flag in my book.

I think he’s sounds very sweet. The fact he’s getting a non branded but very good quality bag made for her is a lovely gesture and shows he listens to her ans respects her. It’s very normal for men in particular to want to buy expensive gifts and the fact she’s so humble and down to earth, probably makes him like her even more. It could be a lot worse! Leave them to it.

trust your gut. Gently mention your concerns but dont push it. She will likely see any red flags herself and get out soon enough

She’s her niece and lives with her so I think it’s ok for her to be a bit concerned, he could be love bombing or asserting his ‘power’ (maybe, maybe not).

My ex would buy me expensive stuff but it did become an issue. If we had a disagreement he would throw back at me a random, “oh but you enjoyed that expensive holiday I paid for didn’t you!”. It was horrible.

Depends on the guy, he could be loaded in which case it’s all relative. When I was living in a tiny cramped student house one of my housemates was dating a guy who was very wealthy, I still remember him getting her a Mulberry bag for her birthday, we all fell off the sofa. But he’s lovely, they’ve now been married 15 years.

It’s hard to know without any context. Also, she’s 22 and if she’s happy I really would just leave her be. He could be lovely; he also could be some dickhead sticking everything on a credit card and will ghost her in a few months - just be supportive of her making her own decisions now!

Does he own his own house? If not it would worry me that he was splashing money on bollocks rather than prioritising that.

We really do infantilise young adults now. 22 is not a child, and there is nothing icky about a 22 year old with a 30 year old.

I don’t think being generous is in itself a red flag, an 8 year age gap isn’t obscene either. Is there something else that is concerning you or do you just think he is too good to be true?

My DD is a teen, so a bit younger, but I would just come out and say what I was thinking. We probably wouldn’t have an “adult conversation” about it, but I would have planted the idea for her to mull over.
I think you’ll have more of an idea if you met him. He's probably just loaded (family money?) and so what if he’s helping her fit in to his world.

She is old enough to navigate this herself, but in my head I do wonder will thry get married and she will have to quot her stidoes/job and be a trophy wife?

Again it is up to her, but there is a difference in genuinely having lots of money and liking spending it on things, and having an ulterior motive whatever that is

But if she has asked him not to and he continues he is not listening and doing her thinking for her and seems weird

On the face of it I think it's fine but I can see why you'd be uncomfortable about it if it creates a power imbalance, and depending on her personality makes her feel like she owes him or can't end things.!

To be honest if a relative made comment to me about the amount of money my partner spent on me id probably say something similar, it doesnt mean shes actually unhappy with it or has spoken to him about it. Without more context its impossible to judge. He could just be rich and doesnt attach any sort of emotional investment or expectation in gifts beyond enjoying giving them, or he could have nefarious intentions.

Me too, ready to be showered with gifts!

I dated a 33 year old at her age. He lavished me with stuff too. Holidays, nights away in fancy places, theatre trip, expensive watch and jewellery.

He was a lot richer than me earning decent money and I think he liked being a bit of a big shot. He was lots of fun though. I went travelling and we parted on good terms. I still have the Brietling, it’s my favourite watch.

Has he got a brother who's into older women?

Intelligence doesn’t mean you are necessarily safe.

If she’s very very intelligent let her deal with it.

He could be genuinely wanting to spoil her, he could be an arse. Who knows.

I would just explain to her what love bombing is and tell her to look out for it. Tell her there’s no obligation to stay with him just because of the money spent. Definitely try to meet him if you haven’t already.

If he’s got a lot of money (which it sounds like he does) then it might not seem extravagant to him, it’s probably just normal.

The age difference is a bit much at her age. When he was 22, she was 14.

I would warn her generally about how such gifts can make you feel a sense of obligation and that no matter how much stuff a man gives you, it doesn’t mean she has to stay with him or fall in line with what he wants.

But if a red flag, usually a rich 30 plus man would conceal his wealth in a new relationship

"I gently said gosh"

Shes 22. Why dont you directly say what you're actually thinking? Then have an adult discussion.

And what is she gonna do about it? 😂