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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that women (or men) who drop their kids off at school in PJS, go shopping in Tesco in pj's and come down to the breakfast in a hotel in pj's are wrong in the head?

784 replies

YourAmplePlumPoster · 29/05/2025 19:22

I visited Amsterdam last year and was shocked to see an apparently middle class women coming down to breakfast in her pj's,dressing gown and slippers. Similarly going round Tescos where there are people, especially women in pj's and slippers. No doubt I'll be called an old right wing fascist or something.

OP posts:
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YourAmplePlumPoster · 29/05/2025 21:36

No I'm sorry. The pj's thing is something fairly recent and now I've seen on the thread the usual excuses for it. However, a middle class woman with a posh accent deciding to appear in the breakfast room of an Amsterdam hotel in her pj's is some kind of statement. Personally, I think it should be stamped out. The trouble is that middle class movements filter down to the working class in the wrong kind of ways. So this is obviously a movement led by the middle class.

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 29/05/2025 21:35

Why is class relevant here? Implies you expect what you seem to be disgusting behaviour from working class people.

Which is vile class prejudice, so I've reported your post.

I wouldn't call you a fascist, it's hardly a word to bandy around lightheartedly, is it?

But you are a bigot, judging from this post.

I don't care what other people choose to wear, myself, why would it bother me? If you don't like it, stop looking at them.

recipientofraspberries · 29/05/2025 21:35

soupyspoon · 29/05/2025 21:22

Its a very low bar some people are referencing here.

'At least they bothered to get their kids to school'.

Erm well yes, thats your job as a parent. Its not something special or above the norm.

Interestingly it is mainly women I see doing this, I cant remember the last time I saw a man in night clothes/dressing gown down the shops or walking out and about. I see a lot of it from women though. Men have their own different grotty habits.

Usually threads are bemoaning that we have a low bar and low standards for men when they're being grotty and lazy, when women do it the thread is full of 'it might be MH, they live a 'diverse life', they have 'struggles'.

Excuses made all the time.

A lot of men's casual clothes are not that distinguishable from what they might wear to sleep in. Jogging type/loose trousers, t shirt. Could easily have slept in it and gone to the shops in same, and in fact I've known several men do this. Women's nightwear and day clothing is just way more differentiated in style.

XenoBitch · 29/05/2025 21:34

limecola · 29/05/2025 21:31

That's fine but as a society we do need standards, are we supposed to excuse any and all slovenly, dirty or antisocial behaviour because the person might have mental health issues? No and nor should we.

Someone in PJs in public is not hurting anyone except the Hyacinth Bouquets.

limecola · 29/05/2025 21:31

XenoBitch · 29/05/2025 21:24

I have MH issues so have a lack of respect for myself. I don't have the energy to give a fuck what other people think of me in my PJs.
At times, the fact I get out the house and can get a pint of milk is the real triumph for me... not whether I could put joggers on.
PJs/joggers... both cover my legs and serve the same purpose. Changing them is for other people, not me.
Judge away, I don't care. I got out, and that is what counts for me.

That's fine but as a society we do need standards, are we supposed to excuse any and all slovenly, dirty or antisocial behaviour because the person might have mental health issues? No and nor should we.

Berlinlover · 29/05/2025 21:30

I live in the west of Ireland and it’s only female members of the travelling community that go out in public in their pyjamas.

soupyspoon · 29/05/2025 21:29

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 29/05/2025 21:24

To be fair though, it’s mainly women doing the food shop and the school run.

School run yes, not sure about shops, Im talking about all shops, its often a corner shop or a small item in a supermarket that I see people doing it, not the weekly food shop. Plenty of men doing that sort of shopping.

PinkArt · 29/05/2025 21:27

YourAmplePlumPoster · 29/05/2025 21:18

I see someone has already reported this thread which is just discussing a behaviour occurring up and down the country.

Is it? Or is it a hateful, goady attempt to draw out the 'urgh poor people are so scummy' posters?
Own your actions.

arcticpandas · 29/05/2025 21:27

YourAmplePlumPoster · 29/05/2025 21:04

I'd just like to know if your child's teacher was wearing pjs in class how you would feel? Oh, yeah, its cool cause we send our kids to school wearing pj's.

Tbf some clothes look like pjs to me but then I'm not in to fashion so what do I know. You can't compare the teacher to a parent taking their child in to school. The teacher is at work and I doubt the parent will go to his work in pjs.
Anyway it's not just pyjamas with you. You basically want to sterilise poor people in council housing since you said they shouldn't have children. I'm worried about your children tbh. I can just imagine the judgy, elitist crap you're feeding them. With your lack of empathy for fellow human beings who might have had different life experiences than yourself I wonder how suited you are to be a good role model to your children.

Kelticgold · 29/05/2025 21:27

What kind of hotels do you go to?
I’ve never witnessed that.

IberianBlackout · 29/05/2025 21:26

YourAmplePlumPoster · 29/05/2025 19:36

When i lived in Spain for a while, all the ladies dressed up to go shopping. It suggests a pride in one's appearance that we seem to have lost.

It’s a completely different culture. If you’re out of bed and leaving the house, it’s presumed you need to dress accordingly. Schools also don’t have uniforms so there’s a much bigger interest and emphasis on style. And the schools that do have uniforms, no one’s rolling up their skirts to their waist and look ridiculous.

Saying that, I’m halfway with you. You’re not wrong, but only to a point. There’s perfectly good loungewear and athleisure fashion that could easily be worn in school runs or shopping. Not every activity requires makeup and jewellery. Many jobs don’t even allow jewellery, so why would people wear it?

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 29/05/2025 21:24

soupyspoon · 29/05/2025 21:22

Its a very low bar some people are referencing here.

'At least they bothered to get their kids to school'.

Erm well yes, thats your job as a parent. Its not something special or above the norm.

Interestingly it is mainly women I see doing this, I cant remember the last time I saw a man in night clothes/dressing gown down the shops or walking out and about. I see a lot of it from women though. Men have their own different grotty habits.

Usually threads are bemoaning that we have a low bar and low standards for men when they're being grotty and lazy, when women do it the thread is full of 'it might be MH, they live a 'diverse life', they have 'struggles'.

Excuses made all the time.

To be fair though, it’s mainly women doing the food shop and the school run.

TheNightSurgeon · 29/05/2025 21:24

I really couldn't give two hoots how anyone dresses.

FWIW the people I know who have worn PJs on the school run have generally had physical or mental health difficulties. One mum I knew a while back struggled so much to get up and out in the morning and I was so bloody proud of her for managing it for her child even in her PJs.

I also wore PJ bottoms on the school run for a week, I was a struggling single parent who ended up on crutches and the only bottoms I had that were baggy enough for my cast were PJ bottoms and I couldn't afford new clothes.

If its just because someone can't be arsed getting dressed then I don't have an issue with that either. PJs are comfy.

XenoBitch · 29/05/2025 21:24

limecola · 29/05/2025 21:19

That's a very specific situation, I wouldn't expect you to get dressed in that situation or if your house was on fire for example. Also I can't stop you doing whatever the hell you choose to do but I do think it shows a lack of self respect to go to the shops in your night clothes, many people do it so you aren't alone but I don't think it should become so normalised that everyone does it. You don't need to put on make up or jewellery even just a tracksuit is better than your night clothes.

I have MH issues so have a lack of respect for myself. I don't have the energy to give a fuck what other people think of me in my PJs.
At times, the fact I get out the house and can get a pint of milk is the real triumph for me... not whether I could put joggers on.
PJs/joggers... both cover my legs and serve the same purpose. Changing them is for other people, not me.
Judge away, I don't care. I got out, and that is what counts for me.

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 29/05/2025 21:24

It's not uncommon to see women (often with pushchairs) walking through the centre of our market town (no schools, nurseries or housing nearby) in full PJs and dressing gowns.

Don't think I've ever seen a man do it though.

soupyspoon · 29/05/2025 21:22

Its a very low bar some people are referencing here.

'At least they bothered to get their kids to school'.

Erm well yes, thats your job as a parent. Its not something special or above the norm.

Interestingly it is mainly women I see doing this, I cant remember the last time I saw a man in night clothes/dressing gown down the shops or walking out and about. I see a lot of it from women though. Men have their own different grotty habits.

Usually threads are bemoaning that we have a low bar and low standards for men when they're being grotty and lazy, when women do it the thread is full of 'it might be MH, they live a 'diverse life', they have 'struggles'.

Excuses made all the time.

limecola · 29/05/2025 21:22

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 29/05/2025 20:40

I don’t own any tracksuit bottoms. I lived through the shell suit era! Give me PJs any day!

That was before my time but fine do what you want but I think many will think it shows a lack of self respect and I don't think it should become the norm. Standards exist for a reason.

Rtato · 29/05/2025 21:21

YourAmplePlumPoster · 29/05/2025 21:04

I'd just like to know if your child's teacher was wearing pjs in class how you would feel? Oh, yeah, its cool cause we send our kids to school wearing pj's.

That doesn’t make sense? The equivalent would be if your child’s teacher was dropping her own children off at school in her pjs surely?

I have never known anybody wear their pjs to work (I’ve also not seen anyone wear pjs on the nursery run, in a shop, or at a hotel breakfast - we obviously don’t socialise in the same circles), I’ve seen people wear gym kit on their way to work/nursery (via the gym or just going for a run). I’ve sometimes work gym kit when dropping off my child if I have a late meeting and can fit in some exercise before work.

limecola · 29/05/2025 21:19

XenoBitch · 29/05/2025 20:43

I was all cosy in my house in my PJs. I saw a man collapsed in my road, so went out to check on him. He got up and stumbled around for an hour, with me following him... in my PJs and slippers. We ended up next to a duel carriageway!
I could not tell if he was drunk or unwell. A passerby called an ambulance, but then the man led us back to my road, got his keys out and let himself into a house 2 doors down from me!

I also suffer from MH issues at at times I have have put a long coat over PJs to go to the shop etc. It is that or not go out at all as I would have spent my spoons on getting dressed etc, and maybe putting on make up and jewellery if I was OP.

That's a very specific situation, I wouldn't expect you to get dressed in that situation or if your house was on fire for example. Also I can't stop you doing whatever the hell you choose to do but I do think it shows a lack of self respect to go to the shops in your night clothes, many people do it so you aren't alone but I don't think it should become so normalised that everyone does it. You don't need to put on make up or jewellery even just a tracksuit is better than your night clothes.

IberianBlackout · 29/05/2025 21:18

Buxusmortus · 29/05/2025 20:03

It's totally unnecessary to wear make up, jewellery or nice clothes in public, but wearing pyjamas or dressing gown in a shop is disgusting.
I'd never seen it in real life before, but I went into my local ( nice)village small Tesco a couple of days ago at 6pm and a young woman was wandering round with a fluffy dressing gown and slippers on, I did a double take as first of all I couldn't quite believe my eyes. I just wondered why she couldn't have thrown some actual clothes on. I assume she came from the very large new build estate that is being built on the outside of the village, it's got 30% social housing apparently, maybe that type of behaviour is acceptable amongst that group of people.
I know that a couple of years ago, in a large Tesco in the part of the nearest city where there's a huge traveller site and lots of social housing, the store put up notices specifically asking people not to go to the store in nightwear.

I hope this is satire because otherwise it’s really mean and uncalled for.

YourAmplePlumPoster · 29/05/2025 21:18

I see someone has already reported this thread which is just discussing a behaviour occurring up and down the country.

OP posts:
Bluevelvetsofa · 29/05/2025 21:17

At one school I worked at, they had a pyjama day. I bought new pyjamas, had layers underneath and a coat on top, but it just felt wrong all day.

TeenLifeMum · 29/05/2025 21:17

Wishiwasatailor · 29/05/2025 21:08

Lol most people I know who nip to the shop with coats over their pjs are social workers/nurses/paramedics. the ones that worked overtime or 4x12 hr shifts and realise they are out of milk/bread or other essential when they wake up

The nurses I know wouldn’t do that. Interesting theory - what are you basing that on? I don’t know social workers or many paramedics. The women I knew in the pj school run brigade didn’t work (this was confirmed by the head teacher who I’m friends with).

NautilusLionfish · 29/05/2025 21:14

For some it could be laziness. Others its just a different lifestyle. And then there are the ones who can barely make it out of bed and are just holding things together by the tiniest of threads, and going out at all is a huge achievement so getting out of PJs is not even on their radar.

BitOutOfPractice · 29/05/2025 21:12

Jackiepumpkinhead · 29/05/2025 21:04

What’s Essex got to do with anything?

I think Essex is often associated with this sort of PJ wearing TOWIE style stuf. If it’s not, I’ve been on the end of ten thousand too many Essex girl jokes (I’m not from Essex)