Calling out my mum’s bad presents?

There are plenty of people that are shit gift givers.

my ExH was one of them.

it’s generally not considered ok to call people out on it.

OP could you possibly return the gifts and get something wearable? Those gifts sound very odd, not as if they even matched. I'd be inclined to ask her not to bother in future.

My mother has always been exactly the same. Gift-giving, controlling, acting the victim, the drama (dropping everything to help her). With the gift giving, some years I would get given left-over Christmas presents that no-one wanted, other years it would be things that were extremely expensive that I completely had no use for, but if I didn't use them or if I was cross about something, she would guilt-trip me about the amount of money she spent. When I called her out about it, she would call me ungrateful and that I was imagining things. And when I talked to anyone about it, like my aunties, she would deny and laugh and just be horrible to me.

The thing is, I would not have cared what she had gotten me, if it was cheap or second-hand, if she had only shown an interest in me and cared enough to give me something I needed or could use. For comparison, her mum used to work at a second-hand store where she buy enough to stuff a pillow-slip full with age-appropriate toys and books. It was so nice getting things where someone had thought about me and what I would like.

I realise now that she had her favourites, from early childhood on, and I was rated last out of 5 children. The favouritism doesn't bother me now, or at least, I don't ruminate like I did when I couldn't understand why it hurt so much. I tried for years to get closer to her, but her lack of interest and continual attempts to control me and manipulate just ate away at whatever desire I had for a better relationship.

I imagine it is not worth the effort in trying to explain to her any longer. Just take the gift then donate it.
Your style is not boring in comparison to your mother’s style btw. Your style is yours. You sound sophisticated with good taste. Don’t devalue yourself.

"My older brother has gone completely no contact with her for this reason but I’m trying to keep the peace."

Peace will be kept far better by following your brother's lead. Contact just leaves you upset.

I think some people are just crap at gift giving, they buy something they like or want rather than the recipient.

My MIL once bought me a mirrored picture frame with diamantés spelling ‘family’ across it. I was very amused she would think I’d like it as I have nothing like that in my house.

If the presents thing was the only issue, I’d say to just let it go, but given the other things you’ve said about her, I do think it’s more than just being crap at gifts. She sounds like a very difficult character all round - she must be bloody hard work if your brother’s given up on her. She sounds like someone with a huge ego who thrives on attention and drama and is also hyper-sensitive to rejection, which is a very tedious set of traits in a person.

If she calms down enough to have a normal conversation about this, I would be inclined to suggest that you just stop exchanging gifts in future to remove the potential for future conflict.

I'd say it's might be that she can't visualise other people's likes and just buys what she likes, imagining they will like it too. She might be doing it more for you as her daughter, projecting what you SHOULD like onto you.

I think there can be a point for many as an adult when you realise your parents don't know you very well anymore.

Some people are just like this. My in laws are. They choose presents they want to buy, they don't focus much at all on what the recipient would like. I've received various ugly jumpers and scarves in MiLs style over the years. I just thank them graciously, wear on the day and shove them in the cupboard afterwards.

@DidILeaveTheGasOn I know - I've had some utterly bizarre gifts from her (generally stuff she's ordered from some catalogue and been disappointed with, I suspect). One year for my birthday (July) I got given some beige suede fur lined mittens, a bit like oven gloves.

Does anyone, anywhere still wear mittens? In July?

I bet they were cheap.

@Hatty65 The Yorkshire pudding bit made me laugh. God I'm sorry, what a knob.

@Rhinestonerhi The other thing about the clothes she buys me is that she generally buys me a size 12 or 14.

I'm a size 20.

Hey, good for you for calling her out on it. What's her goal here? Is she innocently persisting in case one day you want to join her in bright colours and sequins, if only she can show you the way? Or is it a passive aggressive attack?

I feel your pain. I'm almost 60 and my DM is still doing this. It pisses me off immensely because, as you say, it's like she can't be bothered to either ask me what I'd like or think about it. She either buys me books I already own, or am not interested in reading. Or she buys me clothes I'd never wear.

My shit gifts in the past have included a massive book on 'Dreams - and How to Interpret them'. Obviously she bought a couple of copies cheaply somewhere as I was gifted this on two Christmasses in a row. On a side note neither she nor I believe that dreams have any kind of meaning and are not interested in this sort of guff.

I've also been given things where she's genuinely said something along the lines of 'I can't imagine anyone will want this - so I'm giving it to you'. She once gave me a book which listed the main dishes of UK counties and described them - but didn't have the recipe. WTF? Like I need to read a description of what Yorkshire Pudding is? (Yorkshire pudding is a traditional British dish made from a simple batter of eggs, flour, and milk (or water). It's baked in the oven, where it puffs up into a light, crispy, and golden-brown pudding with a soft, slightly chewy interior.)

I'm not hard to buy for. I like a book token. I'm now blatantly rude when she buys me something I don't want and say bluntly, 'I've already got this book' or something similar.

YANBU. What do you do with the gifts, does she end up getting them back and then wearing them herself?