Calling out my mum’s bad presents?

Sorry but this is absolutely shit for you… some of these examples of ‘gifts’ listed by people here- honestly they’d be better off giving nothing, how utterly embarrassing giving used or empty already cheap products to someone. I’d honestly think they were mentally unwell if I got something like this. It almost shows a degree of hubris or disrespect and needs calling out. OP, she is meant to be your mum, that means for birthdays and Christmas she buys something you will like. The only exception to this would be if she literally had no money at all- in that situation I’d tell her not to bother but to come round for a cuppa on the day. I find my dad impossible to buy for- I just ask him now what he wants or if he is being evasive then I just buy him a voucher for his favourite shop. I don’t just grab rubbish from the shop or the back of my cupboards.

you n eed to ask for a voucher in future
can you return the gifts?

I wonder if this was like my great aunts gifts to me...

Open a cupboard, find something she wore once in 1982/1972, or forgot to send back to some dodgy company, and randomly give to one of her (lucky) nieces for birthday/Christmas

Completely zero thought as to what the recipient would like /their style... ...

Once I got an empty lipstick container in agree make up bag from John Lewis , and an old ladies black tatty handbag (I think from one of her elderly dead friends... It smelt grim)... I was 12 and the most ungirly girl out... I'd have been delighted with a book /record voucher... But that would have actually cost money rather than passing her rubbish on to me!

I'm not a good gift buyer and prefer to give gift tokens or money, but then people bitch about it being impersonal or no effort and I tend to feel I have to spend more on a cash gift.
People who say, you know my style...Yes I know your style, you mainly wear sports branded clothing and jeans. I buy a Nike hoodie and the response was, do you mind if I return it, I have too many hoodies, although yes, it was a teen.

I know it's not quite the same as your mother, who is obviously making some kind of unkind point about your style not being right, because it doesn't match hers and the sizing issue is just bloody downright mean.
But I do wish we could ditch presents for adults, as it's an expensive minefield.

How would she respond if you told her what to get, or asked for vouchers? Is that not better than assuming she just knows or is psychic?

My DDs and I usually do this rather than take a wild guess and get it wrong. My mother prefers to give money so that the person can either buy what they want or save it.

It isn't always easy to know what someone else really wants, if they actually want anything. Even if you have known them for decades.

Funnily enough, everyone seems to think they are easy to buy for, or that they themselves are these fabulous gift givers. In my experience it usually isn't that simple.

The lurid colours are presumably because she has decided you ought to wear / use brighter colours (like her?). The sequins/wool thing is just ridiculous.

She sounds dreadfully controlling and selfish. Maybe someone needs to explain to her in words of one syllable that the point of presents is to give something you have good reason to think the recipient will like, to make them happy.

What would she say if the next gift you give her is something you like but know she won't?

Im in my 40’s now and can’t think of a gift my mum has bought me that was something relevant to me. It was extremely upsetting in my younger years but now I know it would cause an argument and I don’t want to seem ungrateful as she randomly gifts me money throughout the year and pays for family dinners. But I would put that aside for her to actually know me or anything about me. She has no real interest in my life but I know she loves me a lot and would do anything for me. She has very different taste to me anyway and is a bargain hunter but she is the queen of the re-gift. She’s gifted me things I’ve bought her before, or that I’ve given back to her or that have been used.
This Christmas (as well as money) I got a basic salt and pepper shaker, not a fancy grinder one, from B&M (cost £1), a book on Arnold Schwazngerr, a cook book I’d been given before, a hair Beth that had been used, sequin slippers from Primark that weren’t my size and my husband got an opened bottle of aftershave from Aldi own brand. And every year I get earrings from TKMaxx that are truly awful.
I know it sounds funny but OP I know how hurtful it can be because it shows they have no real thought of you. I would bring it up as you have nothing to lose, but my relationship with my Mum is in a decent place now and she’s old so would be pointless.
Even writing this I feel ungrateful as she does give me money and my guilt is bad but wanted to let you know I understand where you’re coming from.

Every year for xmas my dm buys me a black bag, a supermarket branded one. I had 5 of them built up that I gave to charity. I never wear black and always make a point if saying this but she still buys one every year without fail. I really think shes started losing her marbles, why would a person need that many of the same bag. At least you get a variety of different things from your dm 🤣 Seriously though, why can't they just give money or a voucher instead?

I mean, I'm struggling to work out where she would even find a baby blue cable knit jumper with massive frill, a fluffy neon pink handbag and a lime green sequin t-shirt in 2025. But, hats off to her for trying! You should be proud!

My Dparents are the same OP. I will never understand it.

I find it hard buying for my DD TBH. We now go shopping together for Christmas .and as he BD is near this time incorporate that as well.Just make a day of it .Can choose hers as well ."surprises" are usually disappointing I find

OP, it's possible your Mum genuinely believes the clothes she chooses for you are gorgeous. Maybe she is unconsciousy choosing what she likes for you. Maybe she just has bad taste and doesn't realise it.

It was a bit off letting it get to the explosive stage and throwing up the flamingos!
Wouldn't it be better to ask for vouchers or money for presents as you have seen something you would like to buy?

'Mum, I mean this with the best will in the world but please stop wasting your money on gifts that I just never like nor use. If you would like to gift me something for my birthday then vouchers for insert shop name here would be lovely, but otherwise please don't waste your money'

I’m not that poster but here you go…

Yanbu OP.
That is really awful.
I think you have every right to be hugely pissed off at getting such hideously inappropriate presents that are nowhere near your taste.

Every gift may not be bang on, but really shouldn't be the complete opposite end of taste.

I don't know what to advise bar see less of her.

Perhaps ask for a voucher in future as she is wasting so much money on tacky shite which ends up in landfill.

I can relate, I feel your frustration as my mum has become increasingly poor at gift giving over the years and looks for a reaction to check if I don't like something (can't really say anything in case it upsets her which is a whole other issue). At Christmas I got money (which I was grateful for), a large practical men's wooly hat and a pair of gloves aged something like 5-8 ie for children. They had a shark design on them!! I think it very much depends on your relationship as to how you respond etc - with my mum it's not worth causing a fuss as she doesn't really care if I like something - she just wants to feel good giving a gift. If I've gently said in the past something is maybe not my style she'll come back about someone in the shop or someone she knows recommending it - the implication being that their opinion matters more than mine. that reaction annoys me more than the annoying gifts so I don't say anything and then just forget about it. Not saying that's the right approach for you

I want that poster who does the Ai pictures to do a clown lizard.

🦎🤡

What's her attitude like when she gives you the presents. Is she gleefully pleased with herself for finding you the exact right present that she knows you'll be delighted with?

Or is she really not interested in what your reaction is and just carries on talking about herself something else?

If she is clearly expecting you'll love it then it would be very mean to reject her gift (and very bad manners). If it's a wind-up, then she deserves what's coming!

I think gauging her intention will probably suggest how you should respond.

Some of these are ridiculous! OP your mum sounds very much like mine, not so much about the presents but in general. I’ve persuaded mine down the vouchers/Secret Santa route but it’s always a bit interesting 🤦🏻

I remember watching a grumpy old women program where they were talking about presents. One made me laugh out loud, the husband bought his wife a manicure set that consisted of 6 nail clippers in various sizes from tiny to absolutely huge . They were in a red suedette pouch. The wife thought he’d bought them because they were red and therefore obviously Christmassy.

I think some people just lack the ability to put themselves in someone else's shoes. They buy gifts that they would like and think the recipient will like it too. I don't think it's helpful to take offence and get upset that your mum isn't able to see 'who you are'.

I do think buying clothes for someone else is a very tricky thing to get right. I don't buy clothes for people unless they're cosy pj's or basics like nice branded pants, joggers or t-shirts for my grown up sons. I would suggest to your mum that she gets you a voucher or cash so you can shop for something for yourself - tell her that you don't want her to waste her money buying things that don't suit you and you won't wear.

Me and my two sisters and my mum and dad just write lists for birthdays and Christmas and bypass all the awkward pretending to like what other people choose stuff.

Yes, you don’t get surprises but at least you don’t get lime green sequined t shirts and clown lizard costumes 😂

OP, everyone thinks they are tremendously easy to buy for, and it’s not always the case. Do you ever ask her for something? Most mothers don’t actually want to upset their children, especially over presents, but we all get it wrong sometimes. I find it much easier when my DC ask for something, rather than having to find something they might or might not like - but I would always give clothing with a gift receipt. It’s not so much that your DM doesn’t know you as that she perhaps buys something she would like - it’s hard to buy something you don’t care for yourself unless it’s been specifically requested. You’ve upset her by calling out her presents - next time, ask for something specific!

You had me at the neon heron bedding and the clown lizard jumper but the lime sequin t shirt was too much 😂surely, surely this can't be real... if it is, then obviously yanbu!

DS is like this - but thankfully she likes to work from lists; I'm generally in the position to buy whatever I want, but about three months before each birthday/Christmas I start adding things to a list & resist buying them for myself.
Very dodgy when she goes off piste or I can't think of a list😂

This week I went to an exhibition with a friend, she bought me a piece that I fell in love with for my birthday, not esp. related to the thread, but I am so touched and delighted with it.