Calling out my mum’s bad presents?

Oh it's not that bad. The cuffs aren't great but you could tuck them in. I can see if being fine with some navy trousers for work in the winter.

Each time she gives you a gift, look her square in the eyes and say ‘have you got the receipt for this?’, if no ask if she’ll drop directly to the chazzer shop for you. You’re welcome.

That pic's a cracker.

The AI was close, then.😂

Do you mean @Boiledbeetle ?

I'll have a go until she turns up. Here's how the AI sees what I thought when I read how the OP felt about herself & the pale blue cardigan...

If you genuinely believe your mother is spending time and money to buy gifts as an act of aggression, then I'm assuming you have multiple other reasons to believe she has a deep dislike for you, and a seriously flawed character?

I was very amused she would think I’d like it as I have nothing like that in my house.

This is the gist of it, isn't it?

Mind you, my husband is just as bad. He's bought me a couple of poster prints of book quotes, not noticing that all the things I buy related to my interests are only thematically linked/representative. I don't "do" literal stuff.

But obviously I want a Harry Potter envelope handbag...? (Whereas my sister bought me a random handbag that she said "just looked like a witch would own it" - without being literal merch.)

I think I'm hard to buy for though because almost nobody gets it right!

Given my style guide is "what would Rebecca DeWinter buy" that's probably fair.

There are so many threads on here about gifts I wonder why anyone bothers!

Most people are struggling with cost of living to some extent. Most people would agree they have too much stuff and struggle to keep homes free of clutter. So many potential minefields about what to buy, when to stop buying for children, how important thank yous are after receiving a gift and how to deliver them, how much to spend, whether a gift is indicative of how much someone knows or loves you....

Mine only remembers mine but not my DH or DC. I used to remind him and he has DM’s birthday book . I gave up.

I feel your pain. My Mum was usually fine but my Dad just ignores birthdays etc now he is on his own.

SIL is a bit like this. I will give her the credit that she does give me gifts that she would like to receive - just can't seem to get her head around the fact that others don't. I have a couple of others who are equally bad so now I just do a regift circus and spend the money I save on stuff I actually want. Perhaps you should start regifting the presents back to your mother and use the money you would have spent on things you want?

I would be very tempted to do this 👆🏼 OP.

Like some PPs, I don’t think that the gifts are just unfortunate choices on her part; from what you said of her more generally, it seems to me that she is deliberately giving you things she knows you won’t like. Which is so unkind on so many levels.

So you could perhaps ask her not to buy you any gifts any more.

Or perhaps another possibility could be not to unwrap them in front of her - can’t think of what excuse you might use - so that you take away the perverse thrill she seems to get.

Sorry, not sure if any of these are at all helpful within the reality of your situation, but a belated Happy Birthday OP, and I hope you have lots of other people in your life who were able to show you love and care 💐

When my parents were alive/compus mentis we, (my brother, sister and me) got some weird presents for Christmas.

Often all the same and as if they’d had a trolley dash round either Lakeland plastics or IKEA. Think electronic nick knacks, wheeled butchers block trolley.

I've got the latter in our garage.

Always nice to get the presents and I’d never any issues with them but they made for interesting conversations later ( and harder for my brother who lived in the same village) Me and my sister could off load them to charity shops as their visits were fairly infrequent.

I’m getting images of Phoebe Buffet’s paintings she gifted to Monica and Rachel 🫣

You’re missing a trick here! Take the stuff back yourself for refund or exchange. That way, you will actually get some pleasure out of it.

I do sympathise, OP, it is awful to not feel 'seen' by your own mum. But I think for your own happiness you should abandon hope on the presents.

Some people are just terrible present-givers - I am. Last Christmas was a particular high point: I gave a relative a book on politics which I had really enjoyed. She does love books, and politics, but she declared she never reads books I give her because I have 'an agenda'. My mum then chimed in saying I had given her two vintage paintings the year before that are so awful she stores them in the attic, facing the wall. Then someone else started laughing about the hideous artefact I had given them.

I was so crushed! I had thought these were epic presents. I had to realise that I clearly lack the empathy and insight (and possibly taste) that I had thought I had. I'm going to have to resort to Body Shop baskets, aren't I?

What’s wrong with Baylis and Harding stuff?

This made me sad.

YANBU

She clearly can't be arsed to see you for who you are and you are long overdue in pointing that out. That's not being ungrateful; that's being overlooked and ignored as a daughter she's supposed to love for who they are.

There must be a shop especially where your mother goes to get this crap!!!!

I sent them back... and told her why... and said I hope she kept the receipts...

My dm is similar. Bought me a wooden cat looking at its own bum. We have dogs. Eventually, I gently told her to stop buying ornaments/trinkets/plastic chunky jewellery from her sun, sea and sand holidays, it just so isn’t me. She finally decided vouchers/cash is the way forward, thank god and I’m always mega grateful.