To feel low in mood today cos of DC having rich friends!

My parents had a lot of money when I was growing up and we had a lovely big house. However, they split up when I was very young and went through an awful divorce. I remember envying my friends who had happy families, just as they would envy all the nice "stuff" I got bought. Point being - grass is always greener!

OP you're living the dream imo. You get to go to the fancy parties without having to host any and your children get to effectively go on adventure weekends (bikes, pools) just by going to see their friends. If the neighbours are nice they won't care about your house which sounds very sweet in any event. Invite parents in for a cuppa if you're worried about selling inhospitable but can't host everyone.
FWIW pretty much all my colleagues and local friends live in massive posh houses but nothing beats my friend's little house. She's a nurse, the house is full of fun and toys, and she has the best stories and good biscuits. Anyone decent won't care and it sounds like you made a good choice on location.

If your DC's friends and their parents are half as lovely as your family they will not be judging you at all. You are giving your DC a much better childhood than you had.

Practically, could you get your DD a midi or high sleeper with space underneath for a desk/vanity unit. Another option might be to move the wall between the smallest bedroom and the room beside it. Or build storage in the bigger room, (on the communal wall) accessed from the smaller room.

I grew up in a somewhat chaotic family and our home was very small. My mother was constantly ashamed of it throughout our childhood, so much so that we were discouraged from having friends over. I was so lonely! Please don’t project your shame or feelings of being less than onto your children and help them to feel secure in who they are.

I feel for you. Logically you know that kids don’t really care about houses and they’re lucky to have loving parents but I can understand how you feel. I was the child with the old semi that needed doing up and I was sometimes embarrassed bringing wealthier friends home.

But you know what, that feeling passed and I became so grateful to my parents for all the sacrifices they made for us, and working all hours to pay the mortgage. All those friends from school are long gone.

Don’t let your dc ever use quad bikes they are absolutely lethal.

I've been there, in the tiny bedroom of the worst house in the village full of mansions.

It gave me a great childhood and was far better being in that village and that mix of friends than in a bigger house in worse location. You are doing brilliant by your children.

On a practical level - when in my tiny box room I had a fold up desk on the wall, took up very little space and that doubled up as a dressing table. I had a small storage box that I put everything back into. Could something like that work in your DDs room?

Comparison is the thief of joy my friend.

I was just reading on the BBC about the 6 year old South African girl whose drug addict mother may have sold her a year ago for her skin and eyes to a traditional healer. No one know where she is. This is where they lived:
https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/ace/standard/976/cpsprodpb/14235/production/_133258428_cfdd6628-0db4-4328-9e78-0cc34bf9961d.jpg.webp

I don't think though that we can expect children to really appreciate how lucky they are as they don't have the experience - but you can appreciate it OP! Your kids are adored, they live in a beautiful place, they go to a wonderful school and have lovely friends. They don't have everything but they have an awful lot. They can aspire to buying a bigger house when they are adults, it's ok for them not to have everything right now.

YABU - I wasn’t allowed friends over as my mother always said our house wasnt big enough (laughable now as it’s still just a normal 3bed) & made to feel it wasn’t good enough. I would not do this to my children we have an open door policy - they are coming to see the person not the house.

I was the 'rich' kid. We had a massive house growing up, however my Dad was never there as he was always in the USA for work and my Mum was an alcoholic.

Your children sound happy and that's the most important thing

Everything everyone else has said.

There are some really good ideas out there for tiny rooms without getting a loft bed.

Also actively practice & preach minimalism with your DC how reduces landfill and pollution.

I know,what you are trying to say bit i think it is a bit patronising, well something i can't put much finger on

Maybe those children are happy with their life and and are not envious there seems to be a sector of society who thinks their lives are better than others and everyone should live the same

Op, Maybe stop spending your children's childhood wishing other things and focus on what you do have?

I don’t really have any advice here, but I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.

I went to a school where everyone was significantly richer than me. We rented our house, had no money at all - I remember a girl in my class saying it was impossible for a family to live on less than £100k a year, and I used to think how it must be to have parents who had even £500 in the bank. All my friends had pools, enormous detached country houses, houses abroad etc and we were the opposite. I must admit it massively affected my confidence, I had a good group of friends but this drifted later on in secondary school because our lives were just so different.

I don’t think for a moment you should feel guilty or bad, and when your kids are older they will undoubtedly appreciate everything.

my advice would be to boost their confidence in other ways. Yes, having a lovely big house would be nice, but one thing I wish my parents had done is encourage confidence and that this didn’t matter, rather than just sweeping it under the carpet. I would also recommend encouraging some friends outside of school if they don’t have this already

You sound like an amazing, loving hardworking mum. Your kids have two parents that love them.

I know it's hard, you didn't have the start in life that the others had. However, it sounds like your neighbours don't judge you nor should they.

We lived in a crumbling apt for yrs that deteriorated rapidly. We were finally able to buy after almost 20 yrs of renting. I would never dream of looking down on my kid's peers who live in an apt nor would I want their hardworking parents to feel bad.

I guess that's different to your situation though as your neighbor's were probably successful from a younger age, and your neighborhood isn't as mixed income as ours.

I get it too.

I felt like this when my kids were young. We have an embarrassingly small house and I still cringe a bit, even though my DC left home this year! None of their friends ever minded: it was a fun house, and a chill space.

On the plus side, my DC learnt to socialise with much better off peers and are now attracted to partners who are, frankly, loaded. So I'm hoping they will choose wisely in the long run.... (shallow I know!!!)

Maybe the other kids wish they had such a lovely, cosy house, maybe the parents work lots and the kids wish they saw them more.

It's hard though, isn't it? We're so soaked in a world that prioritises material things but you've given your kids the best in a warm loving home, family and community.

If it makes you feel better, we’re in a one bedroom flat. So it could be a lot worse. DD’s friends range from normal 3 bed houses to huge 5/6 bedrooms . Somehow, during primary our house was the place to be for the kids despite the lack of space. Sometimes people asked how we coped, I told them I was very good at Tetris as a kid.

Very true.
I’m sure there’s plenty of ‘rich kids’ who’d be far happier in your house with a mother like you.

Your kids are old enough to understand that some people can afford bigger houses and some can’t. When my son used to come saying ‘Jason has these cool (designer) trainers/jacket/whatever’ I’d just say well that’s lucky for him.
I’ve been on both ends of this. Feeling like the poor relation at one school where (for example) one girl had a famous band play at her 16th to being the one with one of the bigger (but not priciest) houses. Did it make any difference to my kids? No.
When my DD moved to a different independent school for Sixth Form and said most of her classmates lived within walking distance I was like wow those houses are £4m and up. Her friends would go on month long cruises or skiing several times a year. Was she jealous of their interior designed houses with underground gyms? Of their frequent holidays? No. She was envious they could spend an extra 45 minutes in bed in the morning!
I have house envy. But I bet others are envious of my (and your) location. That’s the way it is.

Just because they have money you have no idea what’s happening behind the scene. How do you know that they are not borrowing have massive mortgages etc to afford the house the extensions the cars the quad bikes etc!? How safe are their jobs? If one goes will they be able to afford to live?

they show the outward signs of money but it can all be smoke and mirrors.

as to your daughter my third room is similar but the bit over the stairs has rails in for a wardrobe can you do that remove the cupboard and put in a small vanity? Mine had a single bed and chest of drawer in with no issues

Ive tried so hard to better our circumstances for my DC
But obviously you have? Surely you can see that your dcs childhood clearly is better than yours?

You're finding your life wanting because you're only comparing yourself to people richer than you. If you lined your family up along all the families in the world, you'd be in the top 10% in terms of income and lifestyle. Even just in the UK, owning a house in a nice area with each child having their own bedroom would place you in the better off half of the population.

If you can't change your circumstances you have to change your mindset to think of how lucky you are compared to most people rather than how unlucky you are compared to a minority.

I get it.

When my kids were small, my mum friends all had big houses and big holidays and husbands with Big jobs.

When my eldest was about five (in the very early 90s) over a few months, both of my closest mum friends took their kids to US Disney parks.
One morning she and I were walking along the path when she looked up and saw a plane in the sky and said, incredibly wistfully "I wonder if that plane is going to Disneyland?".
And I've never forgotten how bad I felt for her. At that point she'd only been on one holiday in her life, to a caravan in Wales. When it rained the whole week.

Interestingly my friends envied me, because my husband, in his public sector pay freeze job, was home every evening and weekend to help me with the kids and be a hands on dad, while theirs were either commuting and getting home after bedtime, or on business travel abroad.

Same here. My son has a box room with a high sleeper built over the top of the stair bit which a futon/desk underneath. You sounds very lucky, your children and healthy and happy with lovely friends and you live in a lovely village. There are always people that have more than us, that's life!

I've said YANBU because you're human and it's only natural to notice the things around you and see how they differ to your life. (I think) it's ok to have whatever feelings you have.

How can you stop the feelings making you sad? I'm not a therapist but I guess focusing on what you have and the benefits of the choices you made.

Can you and the kids volunteer more in the community to feel even more connected? Can you suggest walks in the AONB with DC and friends, rather than these lovely houses?
Can you fill the time with the kids with fun and love, rather than things?

You sound like a good mum, doing your best. That's more than enough.