To feel low in mood today cos of DC having rich friends!

Stop comparing yourself to others. Your house sounds lovely and you sound like a happy little family. Better you live in the smallest house in the best area than a mansion in the crime ridden area of town. Comparison is the thief of joy. Be thankful for what you have. As Phil and Kirsty would say Location Location Location.

I don't have advice but I just wanted to say you sound like a lovely mum. You and your DH are contributing to society with your jobs and you're doing your best for your children.

I also grew up in a small house in a beautiful area, where many others had large and more expensive houses. But my childhood was pretty happy, and I loved where I lived. It's natural that the kids will notice and I totally get feeling resentful about how much people have, when you're expected to be grateful for a public sector salary that hasn't risen with inflation in almost 15 years.

Don't feel embarrassed that you have a smaller house. You could always invite a smaller group of people over to the house or garden, rather than hosting bigger events like many of your friends seem to. DC's friends probably find the small house a novelty and something different, I always felt that way about friends' houses when I was younger.

I think the poster who said to encourage your kids to be confident in other ways is spot on. Life is not fair and it is hard to see what others have when you have less, but teach them that they are fortunate in many ways and can get on in life regardless. Who knows if many of the people in those homes are happy or not, nobody really knows.

How high are the ceilings? Any space for a loft bedroom?

I come at this from the other perspective. We are well off and our children (now 13 and 15) live lives of obvious privilege.

They could not give a shiny shit about material possessions. DS1’s best friend lives in a tiny flat and he has only nice things to say about it and his friend’s mum. He loves it there - mainly influenced by the welcoming atmosphere and the snacks.

I could also not give a shiny shit and actually find it easier to relax with people whose lives are a bit more “normal” - like mine was growing up.

You should give yourself more credit. You’ve situated your children in a beautiful area to grow up in, where they have nice things and opportunities around them. Don’t beat yourself up, it sounds like they have a lovely life.

I’d also love to add some tips for your DD’s dressing table! I’m an interior designer.

Could you make her a tiny make shift make up station? For example attach a mirror to the front of her cupboard (there’s stick on ones) with a little shelf underneath (the ones from Ikea that are used as spice racks are good for this, it doesn’t need to be a deep shelf) or there’s stick on make up containers.

Then add a folding chair for her to sit on while she does her make up/skincare so she can fold it away and stash under her bed or hang it on the wall.

I know it won’t be exactly what she had in mind but she might enjoy how creative you can be with it. Get some fairy lights involved

If you have some wall space rather than using the cupboard door even better.

I’ll attach some images of the basic idea to give you the vibe of what I’m meaning.

We have a similar situation, we have a teeny cottage in a very expensive and lovely village and DD has friends that have helicopters and room to land in their garden.

Even worse, I’m getting divorced and will be the single parent that has to move to a really ugly undesirable house soon. At least our current house is sought after despite its size. The new one really will be low rent.

What I will say is that when I was little I had a big house and spent huge amounts of time with friends that lived in smaller houses. One friend was really poor and they had no flooring. I still really liked going there! So honestly don’t worry about what kids think. I noticed the difference but didn’t mind it.

The feelings you have are quite normal though, I’d be lying if I didn’t wish I’d married a hedge fund manager and had a £5m house sometimes. But I didn’t.

OP, this isn't meant as a stealth boast as we don't live in a mansion by any means, but we live in a much bigger and naicer house than I grew up in and my DD circumstances are very privileged as far as I'm concerned. A few things from my perspective:

1. It never crosses my mind to think about her other friends parents' houses in the terms you describe, or resent anyone for not inviting us back for meals or events (I really enjoy hosting and am genuinely grateful when people make the effort to come to ours rather than us having to traipse everywhere).
2. I actually worry about making sure that my DD truly appreciates what she has. It's more challenging when they're just used to it and I actively want her to mix with all sorts of families so that she has a sense of perspective and doesn't grow up to be oblivious or snobbish, as well as not being intimidated by people who have considerably more than us. I think gratitude is a really valuable trait (and makes for a genuinely happy life) and I really do worry about instilling it if things come too easily or become expected.
3. Despite living in a house that I think is wonderful, and would have adored as a child, my DD has absolutely come home and asked things like, "why don't we have a swimming pool like so-and-so" which we just laugh off and say things like, "because we're terrible parents!". I actually laughingly told the parent of the other child (who genuinely does live in what I would say is a mansion!) this and she said that her DD had come home from our house bemoaning the fact she didn't have something utterly random that DD has! So there's no pleasing them! 😂
4. My friends still talk about coming to my house as I was growing up because we had the coveted free-for-all snack cupboard in our little 70s cardboard box, and because my mum was always just pleased to welcome them.

I really do understand where you're coming from, being 'in the middle' now ourselves but I really think you should try to let this go as much as you can and focus on what you do and can bring to your children's lives and their friends parents' lives, which sounds like a lot.

True friendships will last despite the differences.

My best friend since I was 8 was someone who went to my school, and who lived in our village. But they lived in the "big house" and our flat was built on land they'd sold to allow the village to grow. Both of my grandparents (who I lived with from age 7) were employed by her family.

Yet now, many many years on, we talk just as fondly about the sleepovers crammed in my tiny bedroom (before my siblings moved it my room didn't actually have a window - it was a large cupboard 😂) as we do the times we ran riot in her huge house.

She also talks very, very fondly about my Nana and the fun things she used to organise for us.

Do consider inviting the parents round one or two at a time. My Nana was like that. Only invited one couple at a time as there was only space for 4 at the table so us kids had a picnic dinner while the adults sat at the table. You don't have to invite everyone.

You are who you are and that absolutely is good enough so please don't feel like it's not!

A wall mounted cabinet, some nice shelves, a mirror and some lights wouldn't take up any floor space.

It’s probably feeling worse as it half term and lots away etc.
As for reciprocal invites I’d think outside box and maybe offer to take them in cheap day trip eg freebie event at library or museum etc not just inviting to home.

Good point. It's understandable that the op feels the way she does, and I don't want to minimize that. But if the kids are playing a board game or whatever, they can have just as much fun in a small room vs a big.

Would something like this fit in?
Yes kids can get a tad jealous.. but if they're all friends and no falling out or bullying I'd be happy with that.

Understandable to feel like this but you need to remember that your children are probably healthier and happier than you were so you should be proud of this achievement.

I’ve seen mirrors with storage that hook on door or wall.
As for rest your dcs sound lovely. It sounds like you are in a real bubble though. Maybe will change at secondary?

Hey OP you're feelings are valid and I completely understand x

However think of it this way; even if you had a bigger house than the one you are in now, you would still be comparing with people who own bigger houses!

It's human nature to look at those with more than us.

You just need to try and change your mindset - compare your situation with those who have less than you; you will appreciate everything more and those negative feelings will go away.

I always think like this and you can apply it to everything.

Perspective is interesting, when I look back on some comments I had about my house that other parents told their DC I can barely believe it. One friend lived on a posh estate and used to boast about how many windows she had and always acted like her house was far superior to mine.

When I look back now!! I can't scaresly believe it where we lived was far far nicer!

My childhood friends broadly had homes with all different attributes that I enjoyed and I think that goes for any child regardless of size some had parents who always had nice food, another a house where we could play in a field, another had a horse another had blah.

They are lucky to have access to these features and your DC friend's are lucky to have to have your house and home also.

OP - you are going to have to deal with this dynamic every day for the rest of your life so you need to find some way of coming to terms with it and being grateful for what you have, and what you are able to provide for your children.

It never stops. Right now, your kids’ friends have bigger bedrooms than them. In 10-15 years’ time, those friends will be getting six figure deposits for their first homes while your kids are stuck renting. There’s nothing you can do but accept that life isn’t fair.

Op your home is way bigger than mine i have tiny 2 bed flat i call it cosy i love it anyway.
Well off people or rich people still have problems in life we can all smile and put a fake face on to hide it.
I went to school with a what some would call a rich girl big house fancy cars holidays everything i wanted.

As the years passed we got older she told me her parents was in huge debt to keep up the look they lost there home in the end the cars was on loan they didnt really own anything it was all credit cards / loans / finance etc she spent most of her time with her grandparents because her parents was to busy keeping up appearances.

She said it looked good from the outside but not on the in.
I still talk to her to day and shes so sweet she dont own a huge house she has a small 2 bed H/A house.
And no contact with her parents.

OP we are the rich family in this scenario. We live in a “niace” village with lovely schools and listed buildings etc.

I have never, ever once thought anything negative about my son’s friends and their families who live in the very few tiny houses in the village. I understand why they don’t return the invites. I’m aware our wealth was acquired through hard work but with a huge dollop of luck. We’d never look down on or think badly of someone in a smaller house, earning less money etc.

In all likelihood your kids friends families honestly aren’t giving it a second thought either. I’m sure they are aware that they are actually the societal outliers to have pools and quad bikes and “grounds”.

Oh op you sound so genuinely loving and caring… your kids are lucky to have you, a loving home, roof on their head , food in their belly

You never know I’m sure their are friends of your DC who are jealous… jealous that your DC have present parents not just presents bought to entertain them

I think a small cozy house sounds better than a monstrosity any day of the week

I get it. Had similar experiences and funnily enough now the situations have reversed and I feel funny about that too! But just enjoy the good things you’ve got.

This is what I did and it worked really well

We also have a 3 bed semi with a box room. My DC also had friends who lived in much bigger houses and better cars. But they always wanted to come and hang out at our place. Turns out that one set of parents were always arguing and the other set were never there because they were working.

DC and his friends are now 25 and his friends are still coming around to our little 3 bed semi!

I don’t think you are unreasonable to feel like this. I feel a bit the same about our house - most of DH’s colleagues and some of DD’s friends have much bigger expensive ones due to very different family circumstances. It’s just life for you . ☹️
I think involving children in budgeting (age appropriately and sensitively) help them to understand natural limitations and to feel less upset about lack of things, it’s more like you have a choice of this and that rather then you can’t have this. Also lack of space sometimes leads to having a really unique creative decision so maybe it’s the answer - there are lots of ideas on this thread.
But otherwise solidarity - we are in a small house too, we prioritised the location.