To feel low in mood today cos of DC having rich friends!

the house prices here are sky high

It's a bit crap, but if you've chosen to buy a house in an area with sky high house prices, this was probably always going to be the situation.

We found similar with university halls of residences-we had a couple of friends who scrimped and saved to put their teens in a halls with an en suite-this meant nearly all the people they lived with were from affluent families, had tonnes of money from parents and went out all the time for dinner and cocktails which my friend's kids couldn't afford to do. We went for the more basic halls for mine and their flat mates were all on a very similar income.

Deffo try the cabin bed idea though!

Do a fold out one dressing table - get a big piece of MDF, use jigsaw to cut a shaped edge for the front, add some big hinges and fold out bracket and fix it to the wall. Paint it nice colour! Find a mirror that sits close to the wall and stick that on.
i did wonder whether a carpenter would be able to make more use of the back of the stairs… if they’re just boxed off square there might be extra space to be had there!!
Xxx

You've put into words some of the thoughts I've been having lately as DD's social life expands. We live in a 3 bed terrace and to be fair, all the bedrooms are a good size. It's not the nicest area but it's not rough either.

Somehow, nearly all of DD's friends live in huge, beautiful houses with big gardens. It sounds awful but I feel a sinking feeling every time we head off on a playdate and pull up on a crunchy drive.

I started to feel quite bitter and envious, thinking of all the things that other people can give their children whilst we have to work so hard to pay for her extra-curriculars and days out in the holidays.

But then we were out the other day and went down a street of actual mansions, really huge fancy houses where there are probably Norland Nannies and gardeners in uniform, and I thought that our friends with the 4 and 5 bed houses might feel just as envious of the people in the 10 bed houses. You'll never be able to give your child everything they want, and it wouldn't be good for them if you did.

Could you put a shelf up in her room with a posh mirror above it?
All you need to do is make your home welcoming and if your dc say anything, just say that if we didn’t live here, you wouldn’t have all the lovely friends that you have. Don’t let any jealousy spoil this. I totally understand why you do feel like you do, but please enjoy your home.

We made the same decision OP, both had low paying professional public sector jobs too. When our son was a teenager and his friends were crammed in his room on camp beds for a sleepover I felt really rubbish and that I’d failed him. But here’s the thing, one lad who stayed a few times told me that ours was the most homely house he’d ever been to and that he loved our sleepovers because he felt so welcome. He said my pasta and sauce was his favourite food and that it was OK living in a big house but having lots of space didn’t make it ‘a cosy, happy home’! You might feel that the big houses are better but kids might make their judgements on different things. You made a good choice of location and I’m guessing your jobs help others and are worthwhile so don’t feel bad.

You sound lovely OP and I’m so sorry this is upsetting you.

From the other side, I don’t care what my children’s friends’ parents do for a living or how big their houses are. I care about whether they are nice people and whether their kids are good friends to my kids.

If I invite your family round I’m not thinking about reciprocal invitations I’m thinking we’d enjoy spending time with you.

I didn’t read all of this but your house is bigger than mine OP. I have play dates etc and not once have I thought about the fact that our house is smaller and I can’t say I plan to.

Friends are friends because they love you, not your wallet.

Live your life, don’t live the life you think they have

with bedrooms, as with other things in life, size isn't everything!

We were in a similar position when our DC were young. our house was lovely but considerably smaller than most of our friends and neighbours and DD had the box room which was 6ft x 7ft.

we got a cabin bed like the ones PP have posted which fitted neatly on the wall under the window. A local builder built shelves and storage to match at the end of the bed and added some very narrow shelves under a mirror as a vanity. (It was a horrible avocado green plastic mirror that had been in the bathroom when we moved in - I spray painted the frame lilac and added mirrored mosaic tiles, one of my finest creative moments). We added a small wardrobe from Argos and papered the room with beautiful paper sprinkled with little silver stars. We obviously added the obligatory fairy lights in every possible spot.

The next time her friends came over one of them (who had a massive room complete with en-suite), gasped when she walked in and said wistfully "Oh, I'd LOVE a room like this.' And I didn't blame her. It was so neat and delicate and pretty.

That was over 20 years ago. Our circumstances changed when she was a teenager and she ended up with a much bigger room but even today she still talks very fondly of her box room.

Or ask AI 😊

OP nothing to add that hasn’t already been said, except…

… quad bikes are SO incredibly dangerous I would absolutely not let a child ride one! (Completely misses the point of the thread 😄)

OP nothing to add that hasn’t already been said, except…

… quad bikes are SO incredibly dangerous I would absolutely not let a child ride one! (Completely misses the point of the thread 😄)

I'm in a one bed house, keep your chin up, could be worse.

I think kids notice but not in the way we do as adults.

I look back and the friends I thought families were rich or poor were completely wrong and backwards! I noticed (and was jealous) of random things.

I always thought people whose mum's didn't work were so lucky and must be rich because my mum told me she worked so hard because we needed money. I am sure lots envy very random things about your life and home. Don't let comparison ruin things.

Big spenders with big houses are often not that rich, they're often just comfortable (or blase) with risk.
We are fairly flush by most people's standards - and the four of us live in a 3 bed semi. The majority of people I know in their 40's and 50's in larger houses are technically in a lot of debt. I knew a family a decade ago, who had to sell up and move to a much cheaper area as the main earner couldn't work much for six months due to illness.
You sound like a lovely parent, OP, and you sound like you make a lot of effort for your children.
I grew up in a big house, but sadly, not a happy family.

If it makes you feel better, my DC and I live in a run down, somewhat shitty Housing Association flat, that doesn't have room to swing a cat in, never mind add a vanity table (or whatever piece of furniture your daughter was after).
Everyone we are friends with live in bigger, brighter, 'better' houses and I'm sure that my girls will both notice and 'feel' the difference(s), but I can only control how I respond to things (and any associated feelings).
From where we were 7 years ago, leaving my ex with just a few belongings and going into temporary accommodation, I'm chuffed to pieces that we have safe, secure housing in a decent town.
So, I get the comparison thing, but there will always be people better or worse off than you. If it really consumes you/makes you feel you guilty/inferior, then I feel sorry for you, as you have SO much.

Two different issues. First is it possible to create a fold down vanity from a wall mounted fold down table/desk - IKEA and Wayfair have them. Jazz it up with fairy lights etc and a wall mirror?

Secondly what is important is having fun. If your house is the one where there is always a warm welcome for friends/they can lounge around watching a film on a Friday and eat pizza and ice cream then no one is going to be fussed about the size of the house. If you want to reciprocate entertainment organise a picnic in a local park and just tell everyone that it will be weather dependent. Make sure its fun - plentiful booze and food and some rounders or similar for those that want to run around and some nice rugs and perhaps some bunting for those that want to sit and chat.

It’s a good time to teach then that there’s always some one with ‘more’ and that’s just how life is. Safe warm loved and fed your kids have it all.

Oh OP I get it and YANBU. Funnily enough, the tables do turn in the teenage and uni years. Rich kids can feel like ‘nepo babies’ and competitive poverty/hiding wealth kicks in. You sound lovely and are doing your children proud.

Well, that’s obviously the choice you made. You keep saying you bought the smallest house in the village so you must have realized that everyone else would be living in the bigger houses! On the other hand, you have also given them a good start in life in a nice area with good schools. Having richer friends may also offer them advantages later down the line. Alternatively, move to a bigger house in a crapper area.

Give over. OP is literally counting her blessings, which is what umpteen posters on this thread have told her she should be doing! 🙄

God OP, you sound really insecure.
The fact is that this rising generation will all be in tiny houses unless they have inherited wealth or are drug dealers or Botox injectors.
My DC have professional jobs with masters degrees but £450k which is their mortgage limit just doesn't buy a big fancy house. So tiny terrace it is.
The only folk who can afford huge houses and flashy cars are probably dodgy business owners.
You are giving back to your community via your job roles, be proud that you are doing a bit of good in the world.
Don't be banking on a big public service pension though, that really doesn't happen 😢

You know what I never noticed

I had one friend who lived in HA with a mum who was an alcoholic another who was in a council house with a disabled parent and loads of siblings all sharing rooms. My parents had a mortgage on a three bed but nothing spectacular. You know what though I loved it around my friends houses. Their parents were warm, generous and allowed me over so much. They didn't have pennies to rub together but they were better than my cold emotionless parents. I'm basically trying to say that your home could be the safe comfortable haven that your children's friends need in their teens and early adulthood.

OP, I totally understand. My DC attend an indie school as I work there and get a very good discount. It means that a number of DC’s friends are from VERY wealthy families.

We are comfortable but definitely not wealthy and when I hear about the friends travelling first class to Dubai and other such experiences I do start to wish we had more money.

When I think about my own childhood (dirt poor, free school meals, alcoholic parent) I realise DP and I have worked really hard and done well to be in the position we are and that DC are so fortunate. Sometimes it feels like that’s not enough, though.

OP, I hear you but I think consider what you do give your DC and try not to compare. You can only do your best, and if you are giving your children the best life you can, then that’s enough.

As with others - totally understand why and how you feel that way, but sometimes it is difficult to see it from both directions.

We are fortunate to live in one of the biggest houses in our friendship circle, however - the downside (also because my wife is a superb cook), is that we are rarely invited to others for dinner - which is a real shame - we will happily eat beans on toast from those who can't cook and sitting on the floor is not an issue if there is not enough space - our friends are people we value spending time with, why would we care whether their house is as big as ours?

Invite people around and entertain them!