To feel low in mood today cos of DC having rich friends!

gosh my kids have friends and family that live in £2-£5 mill houses ridiculously rich. None of it will be ours. But I don’t think they mind so much. They’re 10 and 13 we still have play dates I still have mums round for coffees etc - our house is dated and needs re-decorating and it’s full of toys! But hey just take me for what I am!

There are a lot of ideas online for clever use of small spaces for fold out things that live in a cupboard and otherwise 'dead' spaces turned into something useful.

That aside - I grew up in the huge house, big garden, tree house, room for a full sized tennis court etc, friends of ours had acres of land, woodland, ponies everywhere...other friends lived in 2 bed terraces or 3bed semis on cul-de-sacs of matching 70s new builds.

The homes I envied as a child were those warm, cosy homes, where there was no tension, no likelyhood of a row breaking out, no chance of someone smacking me across the room or shoving my head under the cold tap to stop me crying. Where dinners were a happy event with food you actually liked, not a traumatic affair to be dreaded all day, where parents were interested in what you'd done that day, and kind if you struggled rather than yelled and hit.

Sure I also wanted a pony or three and a golden retriever and all sorts of 'stuff' (ok mostly animals)... but I wanted to feel secure and loved far far more, and not freeze my arse off in a huge house that was either lonely or scary.

I get it OP. DS goes to school & is friends with some children who live in wealthy families. One in particular has hot tub parties in his massive garden overlooking a beach and they have yachts which they holiday on.

On the odd occasion they have picked DS up,I do have a little thought in my head about what they think of my house, but I try not to let it bother me too much.

I haven't read all the replies, but I'd look at getting a fold up wall mounted dressing table and maybe a cabin bed. With regards to not reciprocating invites, could you arrange a picnic/BBQ in a park or something? That would be just as nice in the summer.

In the nicest way possible, remember that you chose this. You chose the tiny house in the affluent village. Others would have chosen a 5 bed detached in a crappy run-down town. There’s no right or wrong, but it was a conscious choice. You still seem mostly happy with that choice, so you maybe just need to remind yourself why you are there. The thing that stands out to me is that your children both have lots of friends who include them in plans, and you yourself are invited to lots of lovely social occasions, which presumably you enjoy. You are so so lucky to have that community for your family. I have a large house but I’m very envious of that.

I hear you op. It’s shit living from paycheck to paycheck.
But re the big house small house thing, you are being unreasonable. Kids don’t care. You can have people back to yours, just not everyone at once. Although I grew up in a tiny council house (shared a bedroom- with my mother!- until I left home) we used to have parties where everyone kipped over- was remembered as great fun.
Growing up, my friends lived in a spectrum of house sizes. Our favourite was the scruffiest as her mum loved having us, entertained us, made us dinner and let us watch US tv shows. My other friend had a big swimming pool that was never used, as her mum was so unwelcoming.
Nowadays, we live in a good sized house and I’m no happier. My sister in law is properly well off and very hard done by as her peer group who live in Singapore can afford live in staff and everyone has a better newer kitchen or more skiing holidays.

We grew up in a big house. Huge garden. We also grew up in a house with DA. Most people didn’t know; those that did didn’t say anything (70s child). Don’t judge a book by its cover. Your children have a happy, healthy home life and in years to come, that’s what they’ll thank you for.

Don’t transmit your embarrassment to your children. Let them enjoy playing with their wealthier friends. Continue to be that mother who’s welcoming to your children’s friends ….. I still remember with fondness those parents of my friends who made me feel welcome.

I didn't read it all, but decided you are being unreasonable, as I never cared two hoots on the size of my friends houses as a kid. It's the person not the house that matters. I would never want to be friends with someone based on how grand their house is, or look down my nose on someone for living in a smaller house.

YANBU. It's tough, and you have every right to feel upset by the ways life has boxed you in. Your parents, the pay freeze, the obstacles to reskilling, your kids being SEN . . . they're all out of your hands, and they've made it more difficult for you to give DC the life you wish you could.

Don't feel shit about yourself for things that aren't your fault.

I've voted YABU- but only because you're giving yourself such a hard time. Your kids won't remember how small the house was when they're grown, they'll remember the lovely happy safe childhood you provided them with and the work ethic you instilled in them. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors and you just don't know what their friend's home lives are like- it's very unlikely they all have parents as loving as your children do despite their huge bedrooms and woodland gardens! Give yourself a break, your children sound absolutely lovely and that's all down to you 💐

Can you afford to look at having a custom build wardrobe/drawers on the dead space stair box? That's what I'm looking at, could create some extra space for the vanity or a pretty desk, dual purpose. Also the midi bed is a good idea as per another post.

I know that's not a huge thing you were worrying about but just a small idea.

Growing up I had the big house and most of my friends had smaller. It made no difference.
My husband grew up in a 3 bed with two brothers. It was busy and friendly and that’s what counted. The IL’s have stayed in that house with all the memories and have been mortgage free for a while.

As for the vanity could you get a shelf with a mirror above? There are lots of smart ways you can make small bedrooms work for you.

We rent, don't have enough bedrooms and are considerably poorly that the majority of our family who all have big jobs and big houses but my son had a friend around yesterday who thought we were rich. Comparison really is the their of joy. If you have healthy children, a roof over your head, you're warm and fed you really are incredibly lucky.

Something like this: Brayden Studio Dressing Table with Mirror Aanika & Reviews | Wayfair.co.uk

The thing is that you are describing an ideal lifestyle for your children, it's just that they are mixing with much richer friends so you're becoming dissatisfied. A huge percentage of women on here would love to live where you live. It's really important you don't compare yourself negatively to others - your children will really pick up on that.

Regarding your daughter, could you put up low shelves at the foot-end of her bed which she could use for a vanity table? You could put up lights around it and have a big cushion for her to sit on.

It's a good introduction to the world. I'd love to live in a beautiful area, but I can't afford a small house in such a location. Some of the kids with big houses will meet people with bigger houses and feel like their homes are inferior.

Shake it off OP, comparison is the thief of joy

People have said about of it already, but just on a practical note…

if you have the funds I would second getting her a high sleeper and a vanity table under it with good lighting (could be rechargeable). You could use the space a little more efficiently, even if you can’t change how big it is

I know it can be difficult to see what others have. Growing up I had friends who lived in all kinds of places. One in a flat. But I didn't notice as a child. I was round my friends having fun! Made no difference if a mansion or a 3 bed semi we lived in.

Think of it as an opportunity to see lovely big houses exist for kids like them. Their friends are no different to them are they? I'd feel worse for the kids that literally only see other families that are the same as them. They must think big houses are for "other" people. A bit like the people who tell everyone they are the first to go to uni in their family, like uni wasn't for them.

In my village there are genuinely miniscule 300 year old cottages. Ridiculously tiny. They have rope instead of banisters for the deathly steep stairs. They sell for well over £3k because of location.

Could you get a folding table @NotUsually , something like this maybe?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0D7VVZCDV/

I'm in exactly the same position, but we're about 15 years behind time wise with kids about to go to school.

I'm terrified the kids will bully ours for being poorer, but I always try to flip it that were so lucky to live in such a lovely place and there's worse things in life than a small house.

We save money on having a cleaner as I can clean my whole house in an hour and deep clean it in a weekend around the kids.

You may not be rich in money or space, but don’t forget richness of stability, love, safety etc. it’s a bit of a cliche, but is true! I went to a school with uber-rich kids, and honestly never thought twice about the fewer material possessions I had. In fact I completely despised the girl who left her worn clothes in a bin bag (really!) and went off to buy new replacements.
I am now in a position where I am one of the parents who is above averagely well-off in my DS’s class. It’s great to have an extra room for a sleepover, but I am most jealous of the mum who makes ‘the best pancakes’ for breakfast in her cramped kitchen (and whose kid is empathetic and lovely with the best imagination).

I fully understand OP, had a similar life with my own DD when I was a single mum. I wouldn’t dwell on it too much.

I put DD is a high sleeper so she could have a desk underneath and a bigger play space. My friend who had a similar stairs bulkhead in her DD bedroom got a carpenter to make a frame for a bed like an high sleeper and didn’t cost much more than buying a high sleeper.

if you said to your kids they could have massive bedroom but you’ve got to move to a horrible area they’d be sure to want to stay where you are. Location location location, the friendships they build and the connections they make are far more important (but I truly get it). 💐💐

edited to say, we were the kids that lived in the big(ish) on the main road, it was quite awful inside as parents didn’t have money to do it up until we were in late teens, I was always envious of my friend with the box room bedroom with pink roses wallpaper.

But material things, big houses, and all that goes with them don’t make for a happy, stable upbringing. I’m not knocking those who have big houses, two cars, swimming pool and room for a pony……fair play to them. However, under the surface they are no happier than the next person.
If your children’s friends judged them by where they live then they wouldn’t be true friends….they’d be shallow, and false.
Stop comparing your home to the next persons, you are as good a parent as those living in the fancy houses. You chose that house because you could afford it, wanted to set down roots in that area and you are raising your children there. Keep on being an amazing parent, your love and nurturing skills are priceless.

You and your kids sound lovely. FWIW we are lucky enough to live in a big farmhouse on a farm. My 12 year olds one wish in life is to be able to leave the farm and live in a small flat in the city where he doesn’t have to clean much, things are shiny and he can walk to the shops and work! People always want what they can’t have!!

I lived in a big house as a child and teen. I had friends on both sides. Some were in tiny houses with 3 kids to a room, some in mansions with suites for each child and a spare house on the grounds to serve as a playroom.

The only thing that made a difference to how much I enjoyed spending time in each was the parents' attitudes. Where they were warm and welcoming, I loved going there, where they were miserable I hated it and tried to avoid it.